Monday, April 18, 2011

Yellow Team Analysis by paxRomana

Yellow Team - An Objective Analysis

Not going to waste your time with a long foreword, but I just want to preface this with something of a caveat. You've probably already wondered "Who the hell is this paxRomana person?", and thus realised, yeah, I'm new around these parts. But I saw this new blog starting up and I thought why the hell not, good clean slate for a newfag to start on. Anyway, I am this paxRomana person, and here's an analysis of the Yellow Team from the most impartial perspective I can manage.

The Mentor - HOWARDS, Wilson

Obligatory sponsorship circlejerk, this time it's Verizon showing off how fantastically non-existent their signal is on the island, which is somehow relevant to how good it's meant to be elsewhere? I don't know. He's your archetypical middle-aged executive, probably plays golf every weekend and has 2.4 children. Not sure how much use he'll be to the team, on one hand he's got the organisation and discipline skills from climbing the corporate ladder, but on the other, he probably never bothered to watch the show before now and may or may not have been shoved into it at the last minute. It'll be interesting to see how he handles it, really.

Player One - THSANI, Skyler "Skye"

Unpronounceable surname aside, this one's got promise. Looks fit and healthy, has the sex appeal down for fangirl purposes, but looks a bit on the vain side as well, so that might prove a problem early on before he gets over himself and gets his hands dirty. Looking at his grades, he seems pretty booksmart too, so combined with the physical advantages, I wouldn't be surprised to see Skyler become the de-facto leader of Team Happyface. On the other hand, stress and alcoholism look like pretty big thorns in his side, so if he can't link up with his team and rely on them for support, he might just screw up on the first day and never have a chance to use all that potential. Hopefully not, he could go all the way, given half the chance.

Weapon: Composite Crossbow. Not a great draw, but it could be worse (like Leo's dildo), and the ammo might be re-usable, so that's always a plus. Could let him down with the reload time, but for ease of use and quietness, it might prove surprisingly dangerous.

Player Two - JONES, Odile

From unpronounceable surname to entirely random forename, we have another promising contestant. Main advantages seem to rest on her figure, creeping people the fuck out makes for a good kind of psychological warfare, and the weird double-jointed thing's got to come in handy in a scuffle. Aside from that, she knows how to work a crowd and bear physical discomfort, so manipulation and pain-resisting opportunities abound. Only real downside is, of course, a scared kid's gonna see Spider-Woman here and probably freak out and open fire. Hard to say how she'll do, but most definitely one to watch, if only for weird theatricality.

Weapon: Roll of Duct-Tape. Could have it's uses, but dubious at best. Odile's going to need to pick up something better double-quick, or she's buggered in the long run.

Player Three - RICE, Sidney

One of the two SDA kids on the team, Sidney's looking like a major weak link. Small and unathletic, the latter because she's asthmatic, so we can put a big X in the physically overpowering anybody box. And if previous seasons are anything to go by, even if she can scheme her way to the endgame, there's never any talking your way past the finale. It's almost always a brawl. Then again, if she survives with the rest of her team intact too, there might just be hope. Speaking of teams, she seems like the cunning sort, and whilst that might sound great, she's also a major griefer, and probably won't play nice with the rest of Team Yellow, and if she does, falling in line behind any leader that isn't herself seems unlikely.

Weapon: Jericho .941. Very decent draw on this one, the kids with "standard" handguns always seem to go far. Just a matter of putting a bullet in someone with a bigger gun that isn't paying attention, and you're on your way to a small arsenal - a potential godsend for her worse-armed teammates.

Player Four - WALKER, Marcus

What can I say? He's tall and well built without being too bulky, he's got sleight of hand and attention to detail, and thanks to sports he's fit to boot. Normally I'd say major contender, but all of that just makes him a major target, too. While Skye is dangerous but doesn't look it, Marcus here's surname might as well be Fenix, for the air of "I'll fuck you up" he's going to exude in-game. Worse still? He's got anger management issues. Someone's going to point out all of the above, he'll snap and start a fight he won't win, calling it. Aside from this, looks like pretty standard dumb muscle for the team; not a great leader, but he doesn't need to be, and easily lead, which might come in handy as an example to Sidney if she acts up.

Weapon: Airzooka. While Odile's gaffa tape might have some non-combat applications, this just looks like distraction material, nothing more. Not that distractions haven't come in handy in the past, and a good bait-and-switch plan could catch the overconfident ones out.

Player Five - LANGSTON, Jacob

The second SDA kid on the team, Jacob's quite the opposite of his peer. He's tall and lean, fit from swimming and has that wonderful unthreatening look to him, which is almost guaranteed to have a use at some point. Good contestant for fangirl-favourite against Skyler, too, what with the grungy "I don't give a fuck" look and the blond-hair-blue-eyes thing he has going on. Mind-wise, he might run into some problems with the haemophobia, not to mention the implied pacifism, but if he snaps he could be at least a decent dark-horse player. Might have problems if he gets an infection, too, but most players that get injured that badly end up dead for other reasons anyway.

Weapon: Sig Sauer P226. Another good pistol for the team, and apparently in good hands, if knowing one's way around a rifle translates well to other firearms. Same conclusions as with Sidney, really.

Overall Conclusion:
Strong team, two really good weapons, one potentially-amazing but otherwise decent one, and two not particularly great. Only one weak link amongst the students themselves, but not cripplingly so. Mentor's a bit of a wild card, probably won't be nearly as good as some of the others (read, Jared/Marvin/That Soldier), but might turn out okay.
Definitely worth watching, one of the more likely teams to not only go far, but go far with all five of them intact. An endgame with this lot would be a treat.


  1. Yeah, I noticed that whole handguns thing. Someone who's good at stats should do something on that.

    I've gotta say though, these guys are probably going to be competing with Green to escape, given their rather pacifistic set up, barring Marcus.

  2. @Ajax Might do some statistical analysis of pretty much everything tomorrow or maybe the day after that, can't do it now since my basement is getting waterproofed and that's where the main computer is.

    But anyways, nice analysis, definitely very informative and well thought out. Yellow Team looks like it'll be a good watch to me, very interesting bunch without a clearly definition path to victory...

  3. Interesting. An actually good analysis of a seemingly-decent team. Personally, I doubt that they will be in endgame, despite their advantages so far. I do not really think Odile is the sort to play well with others, and they could be in serious trouble if some of their members draw the wrath of other teams, as seems possible given the temper problems.

    Also, if they attempt an escape en masse, they will all die. I do not foresee much in the way of escapes, given the team dynamic, as there is much less drama potential. I am sure the collars will be well constructed this season.

  4. OMG there are just too many cute guys this way around. First Leo, then Shawn, now Jake? Do they like, hold some sort of hot guy casting call? They totally have to. Right?

    Also you guys, stay tuned for my awesome crossover fanfiction!!!!!!!!

  5. I'll leave the guys to you Holly, just give me an hour or two alone with Sidney and that bunny costume... oh my.