Quickfire Recap (By Location!) by RNN [Part 7]

RAIN FOREST:

So I was going to do a run through on everything that happened in this location, but then I went on vacation. Well, I'll quickly recap the most recent stuff as I'm sure most of you already watched the early stuff.

Suzanne Lanford gets robbed by Glen Bole as they both shout out to the blogs. Glen actually succeeded in doing something!

At one point a fight broke out between Zachariah Johnston (Yes him again) and Harold Finston Smythe. They talked crapped against each other while Mae St. Clair watched as Zach brutally killed Harold, from apparently a kick to the groin - which I might add is hilarious. Then Shawn Morrison appears causing Zach to run away in what I can only assume is embarrassment after a *ShawnMorrgasm.

Another attractive guy was also in the rain forest. Mr. Leopold Sutherland walked around shirtless in the jungle. Oh and that was basically the WHOLE Segment. Just walking around shirtless in the jungle. Wonderful.

As we've seen before, Todd Hudson has had bad luck. He was robbed by a monkey of his bandanna and now his clothes! He met up, naked, with another bad luck magnet in Sean Davidson. Then they both run away after Axel Stadler and Anna Higgins from Blue show up and then team up.

Sean runs into Jaszmine Johnson eventually, who for the first time Sean doesn't get into a bad situation with. They eventually part ways, where Jaszmine ends up having the worse luck of the two. Is Sean's bad luck, contagious?

Finally the normally upbeat Mason Ross sings "Lion Sleeps Tonight" for us and then switches into what looks like depression when his partner Kevin Fielding's neck inexplicably blows up for no reason. I'm still trying to figure out what could have caused that. He had his bandanna on, so it couldn't have been that. Whatever the case, poor Mason. Love the boy and his talking to the camera ways.

Star of the Scene: Todd Hudson and his exploits in the rain forest will forever be remembered. He is truly King of the Jungle.

HOT SPOT:

A favorite scene for Nery "If You Can't Stand the Heat" features two comedy characters that are great to see, both of which had been beaten up by Vincent Sullivan and had their noses broken, one worse than the other. They team up in what Nery describes as the greatest alliance in all of SOTF-TV Season 65. They are entertainment gold apparently and together even better.

The scene starts off awkward with both boys meeting up sweaty and shirtless, with Glen Bole attempting to be sexy for the cameras and the smaller Jonas Jeffries stripping to reveal his child like body due to the obvious heat. The mentor speaks and tells them that they are being called 'the gay team' which Jonas and his broken nose takes in quietly and backs away slowly from Glen as a response. Glen on the other hand who is pissed off and starts ranting THEN...

For some weird reason Todd Hudson comes running in naked and jumps into the crater! He screams on his way down and the two boys on Pink team give loud screams of their own. It was a tremendous WTF?! Moment!

Star of the Scene: This is an All Star Cast! The three of them are great comic relief!

The Starties! [Hosted by SickKitty] (Part 1)

That's right bitches, ho's, and the socially depraved, it's time for everyone's favorite award show, The Starties! Who will take home the wonderful prize of my foot of their ass, who will go home disappointed, who will go down in history as the most wonderfully pathetic? All your answers, right here, right now! So let's go!

The Golden Ass Award for "stupidest start" goes to Ali White who, despite being warned vocally about this, still managed to forget to put on her bandana and nearly got herself blown up. Great work Ali, you almost went down in history as the Queen of the Darwin Deaths, but instead you scrape by to annoy me another week. I hope you're fucking happy.

The Raped With a Coat Hanger Prize for "most creepily disturbed start" goes to Lesbian Bench Sex! Marvia Jones date raped Nate Chauncey for reasons I don't entirely understand, nor really want too! All I know is that it wasn't very sexy, was horrendously creepy, and may have officially ruined sex for me forever.

Oh wait that's not possible. Well, you almost did it girls. Close enough.

The Backwards Ball Cap Award for "most hilariously bad at being down with the homies" goes to Todd Hudson for being whiter than Max in the middle of winter. You did good kid. Make your white-ass Texas parents proud. Dag straight yo, right up tripping in this bitch, wheezy, ya hear ho? You HEAR?

Up next is the Fire In My Heart Award for "starting a forest fire deep within me" which goes to Panya Bishara, for being the only person on the island responsible enough to know that she can prevent wildfires. You go girl. You go and you spread your message. (And also your legs, you pretty thang you.)

Mad Max's Rest of The Crap

Yawn. After the first couple hours, this game is shaping up- just like the last few seasons, to be the who’s who of who cares.

So, in light of this game being full of losers and bigger losers, I’m taking it upon myself to sift through the hours of footage and provide you will my highlight reel of expert opinion.

Welcome, peeps, to Mad Max’s Rest of the Crap.

No insights/interviews/columns today, seeing as everyone's busy watching/writing right now, so you guys will just have to make do with Quickfire crap and the usual stuff I put at the end.

Quickfire Crap:

Best … awkward love triangle goes to Mae St. Clair the hoe, Shawn Morrison the hippie and Zachariah Johnson the Snake-Eater for their surprisingly good scene in the waterfall. Kitty no doubt has Mae stripping DVR’d.

RIP Snake, by the way. You were a true American hero. Goodnight, Sweet Prince.

Worst … way of stealing a bandanna ever, Marvia Jones. Also, ratings and lesbians or not, I may or may not have raged at the stupidity of Natalie Chauncey and Marvia there, so stop sending me your “OMG DID U SEE MARVIA/NATE” messages while drooling at your keyboard.

Seriously, I’m surprised at how quickly people have adjusted to the teams. Actually can’t wait to see how they all form together.

I’d love it if… Ben Grayson would actually use the bandannas to his advantage, rather than just randomly putting one on like a tard.

Please kill… Harold Smythe. There’s no way this guy isn’t going to hurt himself. Also Nate, for taking MDMA from strangers. It’s the nicest way.

No Highight/Darklight of the Night yet, since it’s the morning still. So we’ll have good old Best Start/Worst Start instead.

Best Start: Todd Hudson, for creating a whole bunch of racial arguments on the internet after pulling a Harlem Heat and calling someone the n-word.

Worst Start: Tie: Poor John Benson just can’t catch a break. A fitting punishment for hitting Team Brown’s Mom with a Nerf Gun. Nate Chauncey takes MDMA and gets date raped and robbed. That’s just bad.

Until next week, follow me on twitter at @MadMax3967, send hate mail to electricworry21@gmail.com, and be jealous.

Comrade_Snowball's Game Recap #1 The Idiot Box

The Idiot Box

SotF: TV has had a long running tradition of idiotic or cannon fodder players. I think it would be fitting to take a moment now, point out a few kids who aren’t just cutting it, for one reason or the other

- Bob Lazenby - Every season has them, the whiners who bundle up into a ball, sobbing away until a bullet puts them out of their misery. Bob has not had a strong start, and has proven utterly useless. (Another handicap for the Black Team...)

- Ben Grayson – Now I know what you’re thinking. Ben has been given an ideal weapon for the early stages, the ability to disguise himself as a member of any team he may choose. But his methods have been pitiful at best. Throwing on a bandanna at random, he’s been trudging around, approaching random players, even when the bandannas clearly show an opposing team. I’m surprised he hasn’t been killed yet. Bad luck for Pink Team, their strategic weapon, stuck with by far one of the dimmest bulbs we’ve seen yet on SotF: TV

- John Benson – John had a particularly good stroke of luck, running across Jhamel Thompson and Brenda early on. The potential for an alliance was there, but John quickly established himself as a stuck up jerk, hitting Brenda with her own weapon, showing a lack of respect for April Stone and antagonizing Jhamel, seeking a weapon trade. It’s come back to bite him in the ass, his behaviour has led to his exclusion from the potential alliance. Youch.

- Jonas Jeffries – I pegged this jitterbug as an entertainment source, and boy was I right. Almost immediately Jonas was up and about, surprising a group of SDA students with his MAC-10. Unfortunately for Jonas, not being one of the smartest, he didn’t bother to read the manual, and after being surprised by Vincent Sullivan he was off. The resulting gunfire was spectacular, but didn’t result in any kills. He’s as good as dead as soon as the others get their bearings.

- Todd Hudson – I can overlook Todd mistaking Marcus Walker’s Yellow Bandanna for a Gold one. A stupid decision, but understandable. But as soon as he opened his mouth, Todd secured the status as “Mr. Too Dumb to Live”. Really Todd? Nigga? To the pissed off black boy?

- Natalie Chauncey, taking candy from strangers. Jees. First she gets snuck up on and nearly shot, next, she's taking pills with some girl in the park? Brain dead much? I wonder if this girl has a death wish or something...

Gold Team Analysis by Ajax-Kun

Hello once more, readers! It’s the ever excitable Ajax-Kun here, trying to make up for my lack of quality with quantity!

So, what wonderful team am I going to be looking over? Well, I’m going to be looking at a golden opportunity for many exciting moments, and I’d like to give a gold star to whoever put this team together!

Yup, I’ll be taking a look at the Gold Team!

The Mentor;

The mentor for this team, is the “Gambler”, Drake Fortune. The few of you, who (Like me) decided to put a few bob down on the outcome of SOTF, that name might sound a little familiar. That’s because this guy pretty much made his livelihood off of a few lucky guesses, good judgement, and a healthy dose of charisma!

This guy even ran his own bookies at some point, so he obviously has decent organisational skills, which are going to be needed, given the rather… complex, shall we say, nature of the team..

On the upside, he is probably the only person on this team that isn’t going to be shipped to high hell! Unless someone decides that strip poker between the mentors is a great idea.

Crap, I just gave the fangirls ideas again, didn’t I?

In conclusion, he is, like so many other mentors, a joke. I cant see him actually helping, unless they let him be their eye in the sky. He’ll be too busy placing bets on the market to put his organisational skills to use, anyways.

The Team;

Mae St. Clair.

TL;DR: A Manipulative Ice queen, with a love for ballet, and not much else

Mae is, from what was written in the bio, a very cold, but very attractive person. Her dependence on her parents seems all consuming, and her ability to wrap people around her little finger (Read; manipulate) is almost omniscent! (Hey Sonya/Crawford, remind you of anyone?)

She has all the hallmarks of a smart player, and she is probably one of the fittest members of this round of SOTF so far. Her looks don’t do it for me, but judging by the Promo Material episode “Rescue Mission”, she does it for the vast majority of SDA.

Speaking of “Rescue Mission”, this girl is at the centre of what looks to be one of the most entertaining love triangles I’ve seen so far! This bodes even better for the girl, as she has two guys, who are likely to think with their dicks and get themselves killed for her. One of them isn’t even on the team!
I’m seeing a new face of Defrosting the Ice-Queen/Dom! Fics here, and definitely some Possession Sue fics. Hell, I wouldn’t rule the first two happening ingame, especially given her team-mates!

Expect to see her and her Katana in Endgame. The only question, is how much blood will she have on her hands by the end of it?

Todd Hudson.

TL;DR: A spoiled brat with stupid hair.

The first thing you notice when you see Mr. Hudson, is his ridiculous hairstyle. I mean seriously, if you extracted the petroleum in the gel from that, he could win by virtue of being able to essentialy coat the place in napalm!

He, as with many of the students of SDA, have probably never had to cook, let alone survive in the wild, so that tent might be of some help. To whoever kills him.

I expect to see him die in a horrible, horrible fashion, very, very early!

He is going to be in quite a few break the haughty fics, but there’s really no eye candy value to him, its all in the dickish personality.

Ali White.

TL;DR: Luna Lovegod, but an ex-ganger with a shotgun.

First of all, I gotta say that I love this girl! Seriously, she has got to be one of the most well picked students so far! She has a very airy, yet optimistic look on life, and manages to be an extrovert with what seems to be unlimited energy!

Her Otherkin-ish outlook on life is amazing, and I expect to see some fanworks of her with pointy ears and wings (And nothing else) very soon. If she can get some LSD (They /always/ put LSD in as a joke weapon), maybe she’ll try and jump off a cliff, screaming “I CAN FLY!” or something.

On second thoughts, keep that bitch away from the LSD, she’ll be a bigger bundle of fun without it. I’d prefer to see her snap and start blowing people away with a happy smile anyway.

Her body and style of dress aren’t major selling points here, but she’s not gonna be fanservicey, I just don’t see it in her.

Sorry piercing fetishists.

I can’t picture her in endgame, but she’ll be one of the few who are genuinely likely to snap and make a big bloody mess, so I’ll be keeping an eye on her Fae ass.

Shawn Morrison.

TL;DR: A Sexy hipster.

This guy is so awesome. Seriously, he rounds out the general level of crazy awesome that just runs through the group! He wears hippie clothes, smokes pot, and is just a really nice guy!

He is also, undeniably hot! I mean, he is Bang-able in the extreme! That might just be my love of retro guys, but hey, let me know what y’all think!

If I’m honest, his draw is sub-par, but even if he got a Razorwire Shotgun, he’d still be a crap player.

Why? I hear you ask. Well, he might be strong, but he is definitely not the kind of guy we see behind the gun. Even more so as veggie.

His desire to do the right thing (As shown, in an example that gives me hope for humanity, in “Rescue Mission”) will get him killed though, which sucks. I just hope he and his rescuee Mae provide us with some good fanservice along the way!

John Benson.

TL;DR: “One of us” with 1337 archery skillz

Traditionally they save the best ‘til last, but tonight gentleman, and (as paxRomana assures me) lesbians, something different!

We have, here, an anime fan (I think that’s just jap cartoons with tentacle rape, but IDK) who spends most of his time sitting on his lazy arse.

Grade A in his subjects

Grade A cannon fodder

The only thing that might come in handy here, is his knowledge of archery. Oh, wait, we didn’t get the bows out this time round? Too bad. Maybe he’ll hack someone up with that Axe. If he could lift it.

Don’t get too attached, this guy is dead within the first day.

Also, completely disregard what I said about Fortune being the least shippable bloke here. That title belongs to Johnny boy. He’ll take residence in R34 and not much else.

Overall.

This team is going to be a good watch, with fanservice, players and drama galore. Book your tickets now!