SickKitty Bitches About Teams

Right. So after the temporary delay in your regularly scheduled "me yelling at you all for being idiots" because of a broken laptop, a very small drug induced coma, and Max being a complete and utter asshole, I'm back! And I'm here to fill your lives with my wonderful bitching! Huzzah!

Let's talk about the fake teams, shall we? Several groups of wanna be survivors have grouped together despite the fact that they should be murdering each other. Among them is the mess that is Shawn Morrison and Ben Whatshisface.

After a while of Ben being completely stupid with his weapon (an entire bag of bandannas), he figured out how to use it to his advantage, and is now lying to Shawn and saying that they're on the same team. Shawn has no reason not to believe this, despite the fact that his mentor pretty much told him not to trust Ben. In fairness though, that mentor talks in the most complicated ways. Stupid, really. If Shawn was on Jarred's team, then Ben would be dead. However, this already fragile alliance got even more fragile after Shawn murdered Jaszmine Johnson with a snake.

Actually, that reminds me! The Most Amusing Kill Thusfar Award goes to Shawn for that display! Snake death. Who woulda thought?

What was I saying? Oh, yeah. Basically, if Shawn doesn't figure out by morning that Ben- who now has a gun- isn't on his team, then it's because Ben finally did something smart and murdered him.

Or because Shawn is a stoner and most of his braincells are really quite dead.

Moving on!

Up next is the weird mini-team of Jhamel Thomson, Jeanette Beunindia or however you spell it, April Stone, and Brenda Hernandez.

...Oh, and also that Eloise chick, but she doesn't really count because she's not very interesting.

Man, if these four (I'm sorry, five) weren't as terrible at this game as they are, they would almost be kind of fun to watch! I mean, between the group hug, getting a wrench thrown at them, Jeanette deciding to be a player and only telling April, Brenda being a really terrible Team Mom, Eloise wandering off to die, and brilliant product placement of Cliff Bars, there's something for everyone!

Except intelligent people, who would tell you that forming a supergroup based on two separate teams is stupid, especially when one of those teams (*coughBROWNcough*) has no good weapons, while the other has a gun, a wrench, and a knife between two people. Seriously, Jeanette, Jhamel, I get that you're trying to be nice, but get your shit together and start killing before I get my shit together and change the channel.

There's also the downright bizarre team of Marcus Walker and Anna Higgins. I don't even know where to begin on that one. Just...what? I mean, seriously, what. I really want Marcus to start killing people. If he gets rid of the annoying white girl first, well then...I wouldn't be complaining. Just saying.

Other than that, these team-ups have been pretty dreadful. I mean, it's not that they aren't amusing, it's just that so far really only Karen Ruiz has figured out that teams or not, it's kill or be killed. Why hasn't any full team joined up to start killing? That's what I would do. And hey, think of it this way, you're actually saving lives! More people on your team decide to kill, the more people on your team survive. It's win win!

Seriously folks, get your game on.

Right, well, I've got to go find a way to make Max let me back into our apartment. Until then, follow me on twitter @KittyMcHugh, and stay tuned! I promise more fake awards and wonderful drinking games will abound! Cheers!

Quickfire Recap (By Location!) by RNN [Part 4]

WESTERN BEACH:

The large group of April Stone, Jhamel Thompson, Jeanette Buendia, Eloise Winterburn and Brenda Hernandez settle on another beach. Jhamel breaks down upset which leads to an awkward group hug. He starts shooting to protect the group after Zachariah Johnston throws a wrench at his head. This momentarily scares the group, April Stone is particularly effected and wanders off the next day. Poor girl.

Star of the Scene: I'm really starting to love Jhamel Thompson. It seems underneath that gang persona the kid has a heart, but is still tough enough to protect the group he's in and shoot.

COASTAL LAKE:

Well there was a sex scene which got interupted by Jared Clayton which was quite funny. Then someone dies, but Nery will talk about that later. It seems like Zachariah Johnson is everywhere as here he is again watching Amber Lyons swim naked. Then he follows her and Sterling Odair somewhere. This is truly setting up something or the editors wouldn't all of a sudden cut from naked swimming Amber with the majestic music to Zach hiding nearby and watching with creepy music playing.

After they left Vincent Sullivan showed up and read a book? Not sure what will happen with that.

Star of the Scene: Amber Lyons for being an inexplicable yet accidental camera whore! Sex scene, topless fighting, then naked swimming. Yesh. One for the guys I guess.

Comrade_Snowball's Game Recap #1 The Idiot Box

The Idiot Box

SotF: TV has had a long running tradition of idiotic or cannon fodder players. I think it would be fitting to take a moment now, point out a few kids who aren’t just cutting it, for one reason or the other

- Bob Lazenby - Every season has them, the whiners who bundle up into a ball, sobbing away until a bullet puts them out of their misery. Bob has not had a strong start, and has proven utterly useless. (Another handicap for the Black Team...)

- Ben Grayson – Now I know what you’re thinking. Ben has been given an ideal weapon for the early stages, the ability to disguise himself as a member of any team he may choose. But his methods have been pitiful at best. Throwing on a bandanna at random, he’s been trudging around, approaching random players, even when the bandannas clearly show an opposing team. I’m surprised he hasn’t been killed yet. Bad luck for Pink Team, their strategic weapon, stuck with by far one of the dimmest bulbs we’ve seen yet on SotF: TV

- John Benson – John had a particularly good stroke of luck, running across Jhamel Thompson and Brenda early on. The potential for an alliance was there, but John quickly established himself as a stuck up jerk, hitting Brenda with her own weapon, showing a lack of respect for April Stone and antagonizing Jhamel, seeking a weapon trade. It’s come back to bite him in the ass, his behaviour has led to his exclusion from the potential alliance. Youch.

- Jonas Jeffries – I pegged this jitterbug as an entertainment source, and boy was I right. Almost immediately Jonas was up and about, surprising a group of SDA students with his MAC-10. Unfortunately for Jonas, not being one of the smartest, he didn’t bother to read the manual, and after being surprised by Vincent Sullivan he was off. The resulting gunfire was spectacular, but didn’t result in any kills. He’s as good as dead as soon as the others get their bearings.

- Todd Hudson – I can overlook Todd mistaking Marcus Walker’s Yellow Bandanna for a Gold one. A stupid decision, but understandable. But as soon as he opened his mouth, Todd secured the status as “Mr. Too Dumb to Live”. Really Todd? Nigga? To the pissed off black boy?

- Natalie Chauncey, taking candy from strangers. Jees. First she gets snuck up on and nearly shot, next, she's taking pills with some girl in the park? Brain dead much? I wonder if this girl has a death wish or something...

Comrade_Snowball's Game Recap #1 PART 2

A lot of friends and lovers have been broken up over the years in SotF, but this is the first season where it isn’t technically the end. The “10 Kills” dynamic is back; sure it involves getting your hands soaked in blood, but now more than ever our players have options. Anyone could beat the odds; kill ten and a free ticket home, regardless of who is left in the game. Could Jack be taking that option, hoping Holly and the Black Team join him? He’s a pacifist, but we all know that means nothing on SotF: TV. It’s possible to assume a lot of these early game players are going for the 10 Kills.


With the mention of Holly, another important topic has just come to mind; team desertion. Yes, only one color will survive to the finale, but behind the bandannas are friends, and potentially allies. Every game without fail we seem players making alliances, some temporary, and some right up until the final bullet, even though there can be only one survivor. I’ll be blunt; those bandannas mean shit to the players at present. Alliances are still being formed based on friendships, and that won’t stop. Brenda Hernandez has managed to create a shaky alliance between members of the Brown, Red and Gold team, with minimal shouting and minimal paranoia. (Although John Benson has potentially spoiled Gold Teams chances with this alliance, given his recent actions.) Elsewhere Madelyn Connor and Mikaela Warner have done the same, the sole reasoning being THEY KNOW EACH OTHER. This isn’t a game breaker; the teams will eventually come into play, especially later on as alliances fall apart. At the moment teams are scattered and for the most part unknown. Some players are instantly buying into the team dynamic, but two schools are competing, remember that. Madelyn and Mikaela’s reasoning makes a whole lot more sense when you consider that half the kids out there come from Detroit, complete unknowns to them. A shaky alliance, yes. But understandable. I know if I was in SotF, I’d want a friend at my back, even if one of us were ultimately going down in the end. Trust is a big thing in SotF, and the divide behind the schools has kept many players searching for friends first, over team-mates.


Will all these school alliances stand strong as the game continues? We can’t be sure. The idea of four other people who are depending on you and your cooperation is one that is sure to weigh heavy on Holly’s shoulders, even now as she ditches her fellow Black Team members. For the moment however, they’ll have to live with the handicap. In a similar vein is Tristan Hart, sure to make the rest of his team’s blood boil before too long. Unbeknownst to him, Grey Team had a single gun, now currently residing at the bottom of the tar pits. How will they take it, when they find out Tristan has thrown away their best chance at survival? Tristan may not have deserted his team, but he might as well have. These handicaps could prove to be game changing, and have thrown Black Team and Grey Team to the back of the pack for now. I can’t help but wonder how will the mentors react, their team members making alliances with friends over team-mates?


It’s still a little too early to say. I’m sure all the mentors are watching their teams’ actions carefully, and have been preparing for every situation. Now, I’ve been lurking the boards and hearing that many people are dissatisfied with the slow start. Sure, it may appear that way at first glance. But if you stop a moment to look a little deeper, you’ll see what a treat we’re in for. Expect big payoffs in the days to come.

Brown Team Analysis by The Super Genius MadMax

When Snowball started up this blog, it was obvious- to me at least- that eventually he’d have to call in the one true online expert on SotF TV. (No, I don’t mean that MarWIN guy. He lost all credibility when he sold out to the corporate whores and got put in as a mentor)

Until this season starts, I’ll be rating teams, individually and as a whole, on a scale of 0 to 5 stars for various factors. Then, when my check from the other blog clears, I’ll move my famed ROTC feature over to here, so that like the old blog, MadMax can once again carry you all to success.

So, the first team I chose is my new favourite for “easy out” this season, Team Turd! (Or, Brown Team if you’re being official-like):

Mentor: Aiko Yoshida

Brown Team’s mentor this season is some annoying, cheery punk reporter bitch, who wears more belts than a final fantasy character. No much more I can say here aside from that. She’s probably just there for eye-candy and fan-fiction shipping possibilities.

Usefulness to Team: * (1) – Seriously, how much good is a /reporter/ gonna do?
Eye-Candy Factor: **** (4) – Come on, they’re pandering to a demographic here.
Likeliness to go Crazy: ** (2) – Unless she already is.
Likeliness to get shipped: ***** (5) – I’m surprised there aren’t already like 40 fanfics out there.

BROWN 01: Nick Simmons

Grunge-looking alcoholic choir singer from Detroit. Apparently clumsy as, so I have no idea. Easy out written all over him, if Johnny from Season 7 was any indication.

Weapon: POWER DRILL *** (3)
School: Detroit Central High

Usefulness to Team: *** (3) – He’d rank higher if he could walk in a straight line
Eye-Candy Factor: -***** (MINUS 5) – Dude. No. Go take a shower.
Likeliness to go Crazy: **** (4) – Johnny from Season 7 all over again.
Likeliness to get shipped: ** (2) – God I hope not.

BROWN 02: April ~Elise~ Stone

Poor little rich bitch. Short, vegan hipster with a weak stomach and far too many records (Keep an eye out for the auction when she gets killed). Her brother Marcus owes me $5. No jokes. Probably going to run off with her biffles.

Weapon: Rubber Band Launching Pen ***** (5) – I want one.
School: Silver Dragon Chinese Restaurant

Usefulness to Team: ** ½ (2 1/2) – She’ll probably get stepped on.
Eye-Candy Factor: ** ½ (2 ½) – Average at best. Loses points for wearing more layers than the average pass the parcel present
Likeliness to go Crazy: ***** (5) – More “oooh, pretty colors!” than “princess stabbity” with her weapon.
Likeliness to get shipped: *** (3) – Most likely in H/C fics with Brenda Hernandez.

BROWN 03: Eloise Winterburn (What an Ice-burn of a name)

Vain bitch with an ironic interest in the “retro”. Probably a closet hipster. Scowl that could kill most animals and small children under the age of three. Also probably manipulating half of her team before she gets a rubber band in the eye and freaks.

Weapon: Sledgehammer *** (3) – If she can lift the thing without breaking a nail.
School: Detroit Central (Probably a typo, she belongs at SDCR)

Usefulness to Team: ** (2) – She’ll be too busy manipulating them
Eye-Candy Factor: **** (4) – Actually pretty hot when she’s not looking like a bulldog.
Likeliness to go Crazy: **** ½ (4 ½) – Likely to freak out at her team when she finds out they’re too dumb to be manipulated.
Likeliness to get shipped: ** (2) – The new go to if you need a bitch to get beaten down in your fic. Calling it.

BROWN 04: Marion Clayton

Into “privacy”. Piano player which usually means “bitch” if Jessica/Marie/Cerise from seasons 8/9/10 were any example. Into music in general, so expect cheap plugs from her and April discussing music. Most likely on the team to die horribly.

Weapon: Nodachi * (1) – Bigger sword than Sephiroth’s.
School: Silver Dragon Chinese Take-Out

Usefulness to Team: ** (2) – Will insist on carrying her sword around, making her pretty useless.
Eye-Candy Factor: *** (3) – Though she needs to eat a sammich and not dress like she’s permanently at a dinner date.
Likeliness to go Crazy: **** (3) – The quiet reserved types always do.
Likeliness to get shipped: ** (2) – Just not feeling it. She’s gonna get a few and then fizzle out like Joel from Season 6.

BROWN 05: Brenda Hernandez

Mexican kickboxer. Could only be more of a stereotype if she wore a sombrero and ate nachos. Betting she’s getting deported if she wins. Still probably the only competent member of the team, and probably the new face of SotF-TV H/C fics. Roman catholic, too. Got the best weapon of the version.

Weapon: NERF GUN. ***** (5) – Suh-weet.
School: Detroit Central.

Usefulness to Team: **** (4) – No hablo ingles.
Eye-Candy Factor: *** ½ (3 ½) – Muscles don’t do it for me, but there’s /probably/ a market out there.
Likeliness to go Crazy: * (1) – Seems pretty level headed, actually.
Likeliness to get shipped: *** (3) – Most likely in H/C fics with EVERYONE.

OVERALL TEAM RATING: ** (2) – Pretty much boned.