SickKitty Bitches About Teams

Right. So after the temporary delay in your regularly scheduled "me yelling at you all for being idiots" because of a broken laptop, a very small drug induced coma, and Max being a complete and utter asshole, I'm back! And I'm here to fill your lives with my wonderful bitching! Huzzah!

Let's talk about the fake teams, shall we? Several groups of wanna be survivors have grouped together despite the fact that they should be murdering each other. Among them is the mess that is Shawn Morrison and Ben Whatshisface.

After a while of Ben being completely stupid with his weapon (an entire bag of bandannas), he figured out how to use it to his advantage, and is now lying to Shawn and saying that they're on the same team. Shawn has no reason not to believe this, despite the fact that his mentor pretty much told him not to trust Ben. In fairness though, that mentor talks in the most complicated ways. Stupid, really. If Shawn was on Jarred's team, then Ben would be dead. However, this already fragile alliance got even more fragile after Shawn murdered Jaszmine Johnson with a snake.

Actually, that reminds me! The Most Amusing Kill Thusfar Award goes to Shawn for that display! Snake death. Who woulda thought?

What was I saying? Oh, yeah. Basically, if Shawn doesn't figure out by morning that Ben- who now has a gun- isn't on his team, then it's because Ben finally did something smart and murdered him.

Or because Shawn is a stoner and most of his braincells are really quite dead.

Moving on!

Up next is the weird mini-team of Jhamel Thomson, Jeanette Beunindia or however you spell it, April Stone, and Brenda Hernandez.

...Oh, and also that Eloise chick, but she doesn't really count because she's not very interesting.

Man, if these four (I'm sorry, five) weren't as terrible at this game as they are, they would almost be kind of fun to watch! I mean, between the group hug, getting a wrench thrown at them, Jeanette deciding to be a player and only telling April, Brenda being a really terrible Team Mom, Eloise wandering off to die, and brilliant product placement of Cliff Bars, there's something for everyone!

Except intelligent people, who would tell you that forming a supergroup based on two separate teams is stupid, especially when one of those teams (*coughBROWNcough*) has no good weapons, while the other has a gun, a wrench, and a knife between two people. Seriously, Jeanette, Jhamel, I get that you're trying to be nice, but get your shit together and start killing before I get my shit together and change the channel.

There's also the downright bizarre team of Marcus Walker and Anna Higgins. I don't even know where to begin on that one. Just...what? I mean, seriously, what. I really want Marcus to start killing people. If he gets rid of the annoying white girl first, well then...I wouldn't be complaining. Just saying.

Other than that, these team-ups have been pretty dreadful. I mean, it's not that they aren't amusing, it's just that so far really only Karen Ruiz has figured out that teams or not, it's kill or be killed. Why hasn't any full team joined up to start killing? That's what I would do. And hey, think of it this way, you're actually saving lives! More people on your team decide to kill, the more people on your team survive. It's win win!

Seriously folks, get your game on.

Right, well, I've got to go find a way to make Max let me back into our apartment. Until then, follow me on twitter @KittyMcHugh, and stay tuned! I promise more fake awards and wonderful drinking games will abound! Cheers!

Quickfire Recap (By Location!) by RNN [Part 4]

WESTERN BEACH:

The large group of April Stone, Jhamel Thompson, Jeanette Buendia, Eloise Winterburn and Brenda Hernandez settle on another beach. Jhamel breaks down upset which leads to an awkward group hug. He starts shooting to protect the group after Zachariah Johnston throws a wrench at his head. This momentarily scares the group, April Stone is particularly effected and wanders off the next day. Poor girl.

Star of the Scene: I'm really starting to love Jhamel Thompson. It seems underneath that gang persona the kid has a heart, but is still tough enough to protect the group he's in and shoot.

COASTAL LAKE:

Well there was a sex scene which got interupted by Jared Clayton which was quite funny. Then someone dies, but Nery will talk about that later. It seems like Zachariah Johnson is everywhere as here he is again watching Amber Lyons swim naked. Then he follows her and Sterling Odair somewhere. This is truly setting up something or the editors wouldn't all of a sudden cut from naked swimming Amber with the majestic music to Zach hiding nearby and watching with creepy music playing.

After they left Vincent Sullivan showed up and read a book? Not sure what will happen with that.

Star of the Scene: Amber Lyons for being an inexplicable yet accidental camera whore! Sex scene, topless fighting, then naked swimming. Yesh. One for the guys I guess.

Survival of the Best Dressed...

Our latests poll results have closed, and viewers have weighed in!

This week, we decided to ask you a rather humorous question, "Who's got the best threads?" Fan Service costumes have been a staple for SotF since early seasons, and we always get a few students who decide to suit up. This year it's no different, at this stage in the game no less then 7 students have worn their new duds, and it is truly a sight to behold. From Hula Girls to Geisha's, the cast of Season 65 have been giving us quite a few laughs in between the action.

Now, on to the results!

1) Panya Bishara - 28%

2) Sidney Rice - 21%

3) Jeanette Buendia - 14%

4) Shawn Morrison - 12%

5) Mae St. Clair - 10%

6) Nate Chauncey - 7%

7) Bob Lazenby - 5%

Panya and Sidney blew the competition away, Panya with her adorable (and oddly attractive) Smokey the Bear duds, and Sidney in her Playboy Bunny costume!

Not much to analysis about these poll results, but thanks anyway for everyone who voted! Another will be up soon.

"The Camwhore Curse"

The latest poll results have just finished up here on Survival of the Snarkiest! Many thanks to all our voters. And now, for the results!

1) Jeanette Buendia

2) Marvia Jones

3) Mae St. Clair

3) Timothy Walker

3) Panya Bishara

4) Bobby Goldman

4) Glen Bole

4) Harold Smythe

4) Nate Chauncey

5) Sidney Cole

Unlike last time, our results were pretty clear. Jeanette and Marvia quickly shot to the top of the poll. Jeanette via her beach striptease and hula wearing adventures, Marvia for the now infamous "Drug-Sex" scene with Nate Chauncey. Although Marvia put up a fight, Jeanette managed to extend an early lead and come out victorious.

Interesting to note the low ranking of all the males. Yes, it's true that "Camwhore" mainly refers to fan service, but I'd make an argument that Timothy Walker's camera talk makes him far more guilty of "Camwhore" behavior then most, and out of all those tied for third place I personally believe he deserved to medal.

Now, many were opposed to running such a poll so early in the competition, but there were several reasons for this, most importantly the often mentioned "Camwhore Curse". A trend noticed on several reputable SotF blogs (Notably MarWIN's) shows most if not all students displaying "Camwhore" tendencies die out well before the halfway point. In a game like SotF there is no room for mistakes, and those who are intent on hogging screen time often make critical errors.

Time to weigh in on the matter SotF fans. Does this Poll speak truth? Are the front runners doomed to die? Any likely subversions? Comment below!

The Starties! [Hosted by SickKitty] (Part 2)

(Part 2) continued...

The 55 in a 54 Zone Prize for "best and blackest" heads over to Devonte Washington for quite possibly being the only reason to ever move to Detroit ever. Seriously. He's so black that if I stand next to him for too long, I'll probably get a killer tan. Haters gonna hate Devonte, but you keep doing your thing, g.

The How the Fuck Do I Work This Award goes to Jonas Jeffries for pretty much attacking the entire universe with bullets. I think one flew through my TV and broke my vase. Well, Max's vase. Well, Max's mom's prized Vase from ancient times. It wasn't like I knocked it over while drunkenly dancing or anything. Nope. It was all Jonas up in this. Honest.

The Best for the Ad Execs prize goes to Jeanette Buendia for flashing the cameras. Let's be honest, if that amazing ass isn't all over the DVD box covers, then the producers have failed us all.

AND FINALLY:

The SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH award goes to Anna Higgins. Who screamed. And did nothing else. Oh my god SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH.

Honorable mentions include the Rosaline Prize for "most forgotten love interest" toZachariah Johnson, who will never live up to the godly sexy godliness of sex that is Shawn Morrison, and the Little Jimmy is Feeling New Things Down There Award for "most awkward moment to become sexually aroused" to Bobby Goldman for getting a massive erection at the sight of Amber Lyons. No worries Bobby, those things you're feeling are a perfectly natural part of growing up.

Alrighty lovers, SickKitty is out for now. Remember to keep your pretty ears peeled for the first Season 65 Max and Kitty podcast, and until next time, keep on stripping ladies!

Ajax's Fanservice Five

Hello again Gentelmen, Lesbians and *Gasp* Is that a straight girl I see?

No? No. Damn.

Well, Seeing as I am the only member who doesn’t either A) have a wife/girlfriend, so has never wanted another girl sexually in the history of his life, Or, B) A stick up his arse the size of Texas, It falls to me to give Y’all the lowdown on the babes of this season.

That’s right fellas, it’s the:

Fanservice 5. MK2

Right, dropping in at number 5, is Mae St. Clair. I know a few of you might be in disagreement here, given her rather thin, athletic figure. And the B-Cup associated with it. However, she – as her (Sadly short lived, fuck you Shawn and Zach) Geisha costume showed – knows how to accentuate it perfectly.

Pros: Ballerina, so flexible She’s also very rich and pretty dominant, so if you like Fem-Dom, she’s your girl.

Cons: At the centre of a goddamn Love Triangle, also, incredibly cold. Like, if you fucked her, you’d probably get frostbite cold. Also, probably a holder of her V-card.

Stepping up to the deck at 4th place, is Jeanette Buendia. She is another of the smaller competitors, filling up another B-Cup. You know, I’d think that one of the producers had a smalltit fetish, but, well, its more than counteracted. Also, in a side note, her face is so cute! I almost went weeaboo there and did the thing with the K, a, w and a buttload of I’s. Its that cute.

Pros: Unlike our above contender, has plenty of experience. Also, she was quite good with that little stripdance into a hula girl costume. Has she had more… Professional training? Ahh, I kid y’all again, but it was damn hot.

Cons: Is probably completely insane. I mean, who does a stripdance, for the camerals, on national television, then sunbathes? ON AN ISLAND FULL OF MURDERERS? Girls got a screw loose. Not that I’m complaining.

Coming down to scoop the bronze is none other than Eloise Winterburn, who has the nicest D-Cups I’ve seen in a while, and has a very high class look. Trust me, I know how the upper classes look, and she is bang on that. I’ve gotta say, I love it.

Pros: BISEXUAL *Ahem* Sorry ‘bout that, but if you get her and No.2 in a room and take pictures, I would love you forever. Also, as with all the SDA students, More money than sense.
Cons: That scowl. I’m sorry, but a cute smile just makes a girl for me, and she just refuses to do it.

Second place goes to Amber Lyons. If you need to ask why, you are probably either a girl, or a gay guy. Or blind. She’s another pint sized pretty, her pert little body-

Sorry, slipped into Fanfic mode there. And… Yup, thats yet another FBI watchlist for me! Yaaaaaay!

Pros: BISEX- Oh, wait, I already did that gag, didn’t I? Shoot. I’m sorry, but that video is amazing.

Cons: … Um… No.


Finnaly, swooping in to take Pirate gold is Ms. Panya. Arguably this is predictable, but really? Can you blame me? This is the girl walking around in a furry costume! (Not a fan of Smokey myself, more of a Nekomimi fan personally, but I’ll take it where I can)

Cannot… Comprehend… Hotness…

Pros: Launcher of a thousand ships. With good reason.

Cons: Apart from being rather firmly in the “Out of my league” department, none.

Honourable mentions to… Just about every girl. Seriously.

So, let me know who your top 5 are (Guys and gals) in the comments!

Red Team Analysis by Killer_Toaster

Hey, KT here for Survival of the Snarkiest. You know how it is, you're waiting for the next season to start up, and in comes Snowball (maybe I should've taken "Napoleon" as a screenname...) with an invite. What better blogger to take part in these things than the guy who won with a fucking toaster and got three kills with it before switching out, I guess. So there's a few changes this season, and thanks to good ol' MARwin (MarWIN? Gah, whatever) we've got the docs to go over. You've probably seen some of the other team evaluations, so I don't have to explain too much, though I seem to be the only one who's noticed the literal class warfare going on. I've got Red Team to start with, and it looks like they've got a pretty interesting lineup. Got the two Fs if you catch my drift: firepower and fanservice. I mean, every season seems to have at least a couple girls with pretty faces, really nice tits and often a lot to live for. Wonder if the execs pick by cup size? Either way, Red Team's ladies are definitely getting invitations to a hotel room of mine if they all make it out; failing that, I see a lot of fic comin'. Well anyway, they've got some nice weapons between them and an interesting mentor, so let's have a look. These guys could go places.

Mentor: Lieutenant Colonel Max Briggs
Ah, the military man. I feel kinda bad for him getting stuck with this lot, but maybe it'll do the team some good. The disciplined approach should make things interesting, at least, especially since he doesn't seem too fond of the team he landed with. His uber-serious nature will either help the kids or just clash badly with their outlooks and the other mentors' personalities.
Pros: The guy's a military officer; he's got experience fighting for his life and leading men and stuff. If that doesn't help these guys, nothing will; he knows how to whip a group into shape and turn 'em into a fighting force. If they listen up and actually take what he says to heart, they might have a good chance of making it.
Cons: Well, for one he expects way too much of a bunch of highschool kids. They're not going to turn into a badass commando squad overnight, and I could see him getting frustrated at their abilities. He also doesn't have the kind of familiarity with the game a lot of the other mentors bring in. That's going to trip him up, I bet, and it could bite Red Team right in the arse.

Marvia Jones
Weapon: Steyr AUG
Mmm, see what I mean about fanservice? People like Miss Jones are brought in at least partly to draw eyes to the screen, even if they're not exactly looking at her face. I certainly wouldn't be... um, yeah, depending on how things go she could be a real asset to the team. She's got the best weapon of the bunch, and if the mentor reins in that temper of hers it could do a lot of good. She's used blades, too, so get her one of those as backup and she could be pretty good combat muscle. Wouldn't trust her with a much more important role, but really, combat muscle is pretty damn important in SOTF.
Pros: She's got a damn assault rifle, for one, which gives the team a powerful advantage. Like I said, she knows how to use a blade, and did I mention the whole thing about being hot? Damn! Could say that about all three Red Team chicks though, so not gonna note it down again. If she keeps cool and sticks to that friendly side of her it could help with alliances. Overall, if guided right by the mentor there's a good chance of her being a solid member of the team.
Cons: Her temper's the main thing. If the officer can't rein her in or she explodes at the wrong time, it's gonna screw the team over big time, if not outright being a Game Over. There's also her drug dependency; this really isn't the kind of game you want to be a junkie in. If that withdrawal kicks in at the wrong time, it's going to get people killed.

Jeanette Buendia
Weapon: Switchblade
Ooh, sexy Latina chick too. She's got one of the weaker weapons, but a switchblade can still mess you up if someone gets close enough; good stealth weapon, or something for a surprise assault. Apparently she's got some brains, too, that never hurts in this kind of thing; all the firepower in the world won't help someone without the intelligence to use it. That and her resourcefulness should be helpful in the game, as long as she and the others can work together. We're going to find it boils down to that one fact for much of the team; can they actually work with each other, co-exist long enough to turn into an effective force? Bah, it was easier in my day; kill everyone that's not you. It's not gonna work as well that way for this lot.
Pros: She's got the Advantage I Will Not Name, along with intelligence and resourcefulness. That popularity should be useful, maybe it'll help cool otherwise hostile situations down a bit. Overall, decently useful team member.
Cons: Not very physically strong, which is especially disadvantageous when you've a close-quarters weapon. You've got to be like, right in someone's face with a switchblade, and I'm not sure she has the physical power for that kind of fighting. Lack of endurance is another of those game-breaking disadvantages, as is the inability to concentrate on things. If she's not careful, or the mentor doesn't pay her close attention, she's going to be the team's weak link I think. It'd be a shame if she got taken down because she was screwing around.

Jhamel Thompson
Weapon: Colt M1911A1
And here I almost forgot there were any guys on this team. I'll be honest, I like this guy. He's got the mindset for team play, a damn good gun, the determination to carry him far and the body to outlast competition. Not much good in a fistfight, and he's got a messed up idea of how to use a gun, but hopefully he'll find time to work past those issues. What I'm really concerned about is his naive mindset; while trust's a bit more important in this round than in, say, mine, I'm worried he might be talked into letting enemies go or trusting the wrong people. Then there's one of the kids with the biggest potential gone.
Pros: Excellent weapon, I mean that gun's been goin' over a hundred years and it's still better than some modern gear. Physical fitness never hurt in SOTF, nor did the kind of determination this kid's got; loyalty has got people killed before, but not this time. This time it's a good thing.
Cons: Physically fit or not, the kid's a crappy fighter with his fists or a gun. Hope he'll improve. As I said, his biggest Achilles' Heel is his naive attitude. I'd stamp that out if I were the mentor... which I'm not. Shit.

Daniel Renard
Weapon: GPS
Sweet! The GPS is always a damn nice pick, though a bit less useful when you've got allies to deal with. After all, it doesn't exactly tell you if the blip approaching is friend or foe, does it? He's smart and fast, but not much to look at physically. It's good he can keep a good attitude, but what good's that gonna do you if you can't fight your way out of a bad situation? There's no middle ground about this kid; either he'll get far as team support and a scout, or he'll crash and burn. I hope it's the former, really; that kind of thing'd be vital for a team scout if they learn to use it right.
Pros: He's got "street smarts" as the profile calls it, and the GPS is always a vital advantage. Not a game-winner on its own, but a huge leg up. Being good at running and hiding doesn't sound fun, but half the fight is getting away from trouble, trust me. Know when to fold 'em and all that, and this guy will focus on speed and stealth if he's smart. Which he is, apparently. Another one with the right mindset for the game, too.
Cons: Weak and unhealthy, he's not gonna stand a chance in a standup fight, especially as he's pretty much unarmed as far as offensive weaponry goes. He'll have to either scrounge something up or rely on the team for protection. If he picks the wrong time to be cocky, it'll either alienate people or earn him a bullet for his trouble, then there goes a potential asset for the whole group.

Mikaela Warner
Weapon: Shuriken x4
Now there's a useless weapon unless you've been trained to use it, but that's not this one's speciality in the team anyway. Looks like we've got a full-blown aspiring doctor instead of just another hottie, and if she finds something better to defend herself with or her team keeps her covered, they'll find themselves the only one with an actual medic around. Honestly this one was probably luck, but see what I said earlier about having a pretty face, nice tits and a lot of reason to live? She's got the whole package there, and it might be part of what makes the difference. Eye candy for the people at home, loyalty and medical skill for her allies, especially since she's in shape, too. Still, hope she's got a good bra; in shape or no, running around the island with a pair of E-cups bouncing around would be - heh! - murder. ...Why do I see Mikaela/Marvia fics somewhere down the line, though?
Pros: High intelligence should be to the team's benefit, along with her physical fitness and medical knowledge. With so much to live for, I don't see her being the type to let something like SOTF-TV stop her, and I'll keep saying this until people get it: at least half the game is mental, not physical, strength. Knowledge, determination, wits, the very attitude you carry yourself. If you're not afraid to run when the time calls for it, that can come in handy too. The drive to see things through and the knowledge to help her teammates should make her a good member.
Cons: Another one with no fighting ability, and she's not got a lot of upper-body strength. Her weapon is, bluntly, kinda useless; I've tried throwing knife stuff before, and half the time the goddamn things don't even go where you want 'em to. Or don't hit blade-first. She's not gonna do a lot of good when the bullets are flying, and I can see that trusting nature coming back to bite her. It always happens at least once in this game. Speaking of games, looks like we've got one that doesn't watch! A lack of genre-savvy is never good, but this time it might be the death of her.

Overall
I've said a good bit about Red Team, but they could really go either way. If they actually stick together and learn to work as one, I could see them getting far or maybe even taking this, but at the same time there's a good chance of it all crashing down. Life is never predictable, not even in SOTF-TV, and while all the pieces are there for this team to do well, the question's if they'll utilise 'em at all. I'll be keeping an eye out, either way.