Location Analysis by sotf67

Season 65 Resort Location Analysis

Hey everyone! It's everyone favorite unknown contributor here, sotf67. (Yeah, I know that most of you probably hate me and my ridiculously long and boring posts, if the lack of comments on the Blue Team Analysis means anything. But hey, a guy can dream.) I've got another dreary analysis for everyone (as you can probably guess by now I'm not good at much else), and this time it's on the locations. Why the locations, you might ask? Well, I think everyone gives way too much emphasis on people and not enough on the terrain the fight on. As everyone should know well by now, terrain is a highly deciding factor in SOTF-TV and indeed it's also a powerful weapon. Environmental kills are great, guys, it makes my day seeing the crazy ways people weaponize the terrain. But hey, enough of my endless rambling, let's get on to the analysis!

THE DOCK

General: Not much to say about this place. It's a pretty basic dock with two anchoring points, one with the Cruise Ship (which we will get to later), and one with a broken, destroyed ship. Not a particularly interesting place, you hardly would come to this island to see it after all.

Predictions: Can't say that there's really going to be a lot happening here, if anything it's just a transit point to the much more interesting cruise ship. A few battles might happen here, and it might show up in an escape attempt. Besides that, there's really very little that you could predict accurately.

Ratings: I really doubt that this is going to be contributing much to the ratings of the show. Unless you have lived really far inland for all of your life, you are bound to see a dock one time or another and even if you have it still wouldn't be very interesting. The only thing that might make it good viewing is the kills...

Environmental Kills: It's a dock, folks, what do you think is going to happen here? People are going to take advantage of the water, maybe using it to drown the idiots who haven't ever learned to swim. Besides that, though, there's not many ways people can take advantage of it.

THE TAR PITS

General: Now, this is a lot more interesting, folks. Looking on some old travel websites, I found out that these tar pits used to be one of the star attractions of the island. Apparently, people came and paid to soak up in the "revitalizing" tar. Wait a minute, what? You read that right folks, people came to soak in the tar. You know, the same kind of tar that brought prehistoric animals to their sticky deaths and preserved their bones as fossils for us to study. Yeah.

Predictions: Ehh, can't predict too much about this one. Interesting environmental kills are likely, maybe a few good battles with the somewhat central position of the pits and some awesome scenery to back it up. The black bubbles do make for an imposing background for a gunfight, if I do say so myself.

Ratings: It was interesting to people before, it'll be interesting to people now. When was the last time you saw some tar pits, folks? Your answer is probably either "very long ago when I was a child" or "never", and for me it's certainly the first. Now add up the exotic location with some interesting environmental kills and good battle scenes, and bam, prime viewing location.

Environmental Kills: Well, it's the tar pits, and we all know that can only mean people will be thrown into the tar, dragged down into the bottom and preserved as fossils for the Earthlings of the future to study. Also, I've looked at some of the weapons and I've actually thought of something interesting - what if Bobby Goldman uses his shopping cart to get people into the tar? Not practical, and not likely, but certainly epic.

THE OPEN PLAINS

General: Basically everything on the island that isn't a special feature. You've seen one of these before, and you know that it's boring as hell and nothing special. Moving on.

Predictions: A little bit of everything will happen here. Why? Because it makes up of a good 80% of the island. Probably not something you will want your TV on 24/7, but might be an interesting watch from time to time.

Ratings: The only reason this might contribute to ratings is because of the "a little bit of everything" nature of the events that will occur. Otherwise, like I've said, "you know that it's boring as hell and nothing special".

Environmental Kills: Unless one of the contestants is highly allergic to grass or something, I highly doubt there will be any special environmental kills here. If there are, though, they will be interesting, you've got to be pretty ingenious to kill someone using flat plains.

THE RESORT HOTEL

General: You know that three-star hotel that you go to when you go on vacation to some small remote island? This is basically the same thing, with beach views all around and a nice pool to boot. Apparently, the reviews of this place say that the walls are way too thin and carry sound easily, which might have some interesting gameplay applications. Besides that, it's pretty generic and isn't a major attraction of the island and more of a necessity then anything. Although I do wonder, where does the hotel get it's supplies from? People need to eat, and there's not much dock space or any farms as far as I can see. Anyways, while I'm on supplies...

Predictions: Well, any halfway intelligent. person is bound to raid the kitchen sometime or another. No one's done it yet, but I'm expecting it to be done in a day or so. The place is also probably going to be alluring to the less wilderness-inclined of the competitors, so I'm expecting lots of meetings here to come. Maybe a few other interesting scenes, it's hard to say.

Ratings: Might be a decent rating engine, as not everyone enjoys seeing a bunch of kids plowing around dirty and tired in the wilderness. Again, the scenes that take place here might be interesting, and there might be a few decent kills that give the ratings a good boost...

Environmental Kills: Moderately tall building, lots of glass windows, anyone know what I'm thinking? You probably know since it's so obvious, but in case anyone here is too brain-dead to think of it there's a fairly high chance that there will be at least one person falling to their deaths here. Besides that, not many likely environmental kills, I'm afraid, but the first one here will be nice viewing.

THE INLAND LAKE

General: It's really just a small lake with some small docks, you've probably seen one of these before. One of two lakes on the island. Since this is a lake, you can probably guess what's here - bo- wait, no, I mean kayaks and canoes. Also a few cabins, might be nice as shelter for any wanderers who don't want to sleep outdoors like a real (wo)man. That sums up this place nicely.

Predictions: Well, someone is bound to come here to look for things to help them escape, but they are going to leave disappointed. Some nice scenes might be here, one's already developing as we speak. Kills might be lacking though, but then again one can never really know.

Ratings: Ehh, like a lot of the island this is a pretty generic place. Again, there might be some nice scenes but it looks like this place will be pretty tranquil, all told. Probably not going to boost ratings much, but there are surprise hits often enough, in many more ways then one.

Environmental Kills: Well, like every other place that's next to water, there probably might be some drowning kills here. Besides that, I really don't think there's going to be much of interest here, the inland lake doesn't exactly scream "lethal" to me.

THE NORTHERN BEACH

General: This one's not your generic, badly maintained and ugly looking beach, this one's actually a pretty nice place to look at, if the pictures on travel websites are anything to go by. Apparently it was once pretty popular for marriages and honeymoons, and for good reason. Besides that, not too much to say about this one.

Predictions: Well, it was used for marriages and honeymoons then, why can't it be used for some romance scenes now? It's a pretty nice place, all told, seeing some actual romance here instead of the shameless fanservice would be a very nice touch to this season of the show. Besides that, probably not much will happen, it's too isolated from the rest of the island.

Ratings: Well, if the romance scenes I have predicted actually do happen, I expect a good ratings powerhouse. Call me what you would like, but I actually do enjoy watching decent romance scenes over the fanservice scenes as well as the... objectionable content... ones. I expect plenty of other fans are with me on this, and I only hope the producers will actually try to cater to us.

Environmental Kills: MAYBE drowning like I've brought up so many times before, again I really don't see anything lethal about this place, it's just too serene and isolated. Hell, I doubt there will be many kills here at all, to be completely honest...

THE WESTERN BEACH

General: Another of the beaches on the island, this one's a pretty lonely and empty stretch. There's a rental boat shack here, but from the few released photos I can see quite well that they are dilapidated eyesores that sorely need fixing up. Besides that, it's pretty much the most boring out of all the three beaches.

Predictions: Maybe a few lonely wanderers might come and go, we might see some interesting individual scenes, but most likely not. Very few people will come here, it's just too empty and featureless. Might be OK for hiding out, but it's not exactly a good place to hole up.

Ratings: Ehh, probably too boring (and thus unwatched) to boost ratings much, probably will be somewhat detrimental if anything. Still, I'm just taking a gander here, and exciting scenes can crop up anywhere in SOTF-TV, which is of course one of my favorite parts of the show.

Environmental Kills: There's water here! People can drown! Yeah, I'm really strapped for ideas here, but much like the northern beach I seriously doubt that there will be many environmental or regular kills here.

THE COASTAL LAKE

General: The second of the two lakes here on the island, pretty much the same as it's inland sibling minus the "calming" surroundings with the salt air and sound of waves (or at least that's what one of the travel websites says). There's apparently a small sailboat in the center with it's mast poking out of the waterline too, interestingly enough. Finally, please allow me a moment for a tangent. Why in the world is this lake named "The Coastal Lake" and the other "The Inland Lake" when both of them are inland and both fairly close to the coast? Again, I can't help but feel that the producers are horrible at giving names to things and people (see the "The Foreign Ambassador" rant/tangent in Blue Team Analysis), but whatever.

Predictions: Not really predicting much to happen here, if anything it'll be a relaxing scene to look at when we don't feel like getting adrenaline rushes from the actions scenes. Maybe someone stupid will try to swim to the sailboat, but they would have to be REALLY, REALLY stupid to do that and I don't really see it as being likely. So overall, nice scenery, dull viewing.

Ratings: Ehh, just another generic and boring place to watch, probably not going to help ratings much unless something really interesting happens like someone swimming to the sailboat (and subsequently drowning), but that's about all that can really be said really.

Environmental Kills: There's water here, people will drown, herp derp derp! Please forgive me for repeating that every single time, but really, there's not much about this place that could be taken advantage of. Maybe a fall from the cliffs? We'll just have to see.

THE RESORT BEACH

General: The final and most visited member of the trio of beaches on the island. Remember when I mentioned generic, badly maintained and ugly looking beaches in the northern beach analysis? This is basically the same thing, with the customary abandoned food/merchandise (read: tourist junk) stands (someone smart would loot them), litter, and seaweed. By far the longest stretch of beach, and, well, that about sums it up.

Predictions: Really not much to predict here, yet another boring beach like the western one. I expect to see some looting of stands, and not really much else more. Will probably have much more traffic and thus action due to it's length and position, but it's really impossible to say for sure.

Ratings: Like so many of the other locations, I really cannot see this place driving ratings up much. It's a fairly generic place, and something of an eyesore if anything, so don't expect a lot of people to tune in unless there are some really interesting scenes.

Environmental Kills: ...do I really have to type this out again? TL;DR, "sotf67's an uncreative idiot and thinks people will drown here because there's water".

THE CRUISE SHIP

General: Finally! An actually interesting location! The ship's not really all that special by itself, but it is an excellent addition to the island by the producers. Of course, the motor has been removed, taking out the most obvious escape method. No matter what some might say, the producers are certainly not THAT stupid. Besides that, just generic bedrooms and a restaurant and swimming pool.

Predictions: Well, like I've said before of the various other locations here that might have supplies, anyone halfway intelligent would loot the restaurant. I expect to see a lot of action here, as practically anyone would go on here if they thought they had an actually halfway decent chance of escape. Also, expect a stalled escape attempt sometime towards the midgame, it only seems obvious.

Ratings: A downright attention-grabbing place compared to many of the others. There should be a lot of good scenes here to satisfy a variety of desires, so this should definitely be a ratings powerhouse. And if anyone can actually get this thing to work, well, I'll tip my hat onto them and watch as this becomes one of the highest rated SOTF-TV episodes out there.

Environmental Kills: Blah blah blah drowning in the water blah blah blah. Maybe someone eats something in the restaurant and goes and swims in the pool and drowns. Nah, that's just stupid. I can totally visualize all of you sitting back at home at your computers, reading this and thinking to yourself, "Man, sotf67 is such a dork."

THE GEYSER

General: Another interesting location! While this thing isn't exactly Old Faithful, this thing reportedly sprays once a day without fail, or as according to the travel websites. A bit suspicious if you ask me, but whatever, it's hardly going to matter.

Predictions: I actually can't see much of interest happening here. A geyser, while interesting, is not exactly the first thing you'd see out of all the island features and only goes off once a day anyways. I doubt there will be any major action scenes here, but maybe some conversation scenes will be nice.

Ratings: I've already predicted little action, and that means little ratings. Could potentially be interesting, but I highly doubt that such an event will occur and drive the ratings up. Still, if the geyser isn't completely natural as some people have suspected, producer interference could actually shake things (and the ratings) up...

Environmental Kills: I really actually can't see any environmental kills happening here short of someone going right into the geyser. Even that probably wouldn't kill someone immediately, but hey, geysers are hot. Maybe someone gets scalded to death. Again, I don't know here and I don't really think anyone does.

THE SKI RESORT

General: Hey, another (comparatively) interesting place! The ski resort is not really all that special, as far as ski resorts go, but this is definitely more interesting then the other locations. The motor's been destroyed for reasons obvious enough, so access isn't exactly great, as everyone has to go up through a slick and slippery path. (Hurrah for alliteration.) At the bottom, there's also a lodge and rental booth but again I don't think those will influence gameplay much. Oh, and there's snow everywhere. That's pretty much all.

Predictions: Someone smart might want to look at the rental booth and maybe collect a ski pole as a makeshift weapon if necessary. It could also be a decent place to hole up due to the bad accessibility, but whoever would do so would have a horrible time trying to leave. Can't see too much interesting stuff happening here, though, just too isolated and hard to reach.

Ratings: Ehh, might not be as good for ratings as one might think. It'll be rather polarized, either extremely interesting or mind-bogglingly boring. All depends on the kind of scenes that happen to crop up.

Environmental Kills: The ice can be taken advantage of the cause people to fall and slip to their deaths, but that's about it really. For all of you out there who are screaming "AVALANCHE" at me, I seriously doubt that that will work. Avalanches need serious and heavy buildup of snow, and that seems to be lacking here. Still, the producers might pull a fast one on us and interfere, we never really know.

THE FOREST

General: It's a forest. There's not much else to say about it. If any of you out there haven't seen one of these before, either you live in a really extreme location or you have my deepest pity. One or the other, depending on who you are.

Predictions: Hard to guess, really. Forests are not good places for meetings, as for the most part people will probably get through it without meeting anyone else. Speaking of getting through it, it will most likely simply be a transit point between more interesting locations. It also might be another decent hiding spot, but that's a pretty iffy prediction if anything.

Ratings: Really not that special and not that conducive to action. If you like peace and tranquility, you might want to tune onto this place, but honestly I doubt that anything interesting will happen here. Still, it's big enough to hold some surprises and it's in a decent location, so eh, fifty-fifty.

Environmental Kills: No matter what one may think, it's not that easy to survive in a forest. The forest itself is not exactly deadly though, and unless someone knocks a tree over on top of someone or something I'm not seeing many environmental kills. Then again maybe we'll see some wildlife lash out? I want to see another brutal mauling by a bear again, that's something that never gets old no matter what season it is.

THE RAIN FOREST

General: I doubt many of you guys have seen one of these before in person. Still, I doubt ANY of you have seen one on the same island as a SKI RESORT. Honestly, how is this possible? Maybe the hotspot (which I'll elaborate on later) affects the climate somehow, but honestly it's pretty amazing. As for the forest itself, it's fairly standard as rainforests go, and only has one interesting features, a "jungle safari". And when there's a safari, there's wildlife...

Predictions: A few decent scenes at least (and there's already been one, that is if you like fanservice), this is a major and attention-grabbing location. Probably not too many chance encounters, though, the vegetation is just way too thick. Maybe some people will get- wait, that belongs in a different section.

Ratings: This should definitely be decent, if not good, simply due to the size and exotically of the location. Actually, the rain forest does actually have one of the clips with one of the better ratings at the moment, for reasons I'd rather not elaborate on. Just YouTube "rain forest mae" and you'll know what I mean, if you don't already.

Environmental Kills: People will probably get lost and mangled by animals. Although conversely, I'll also expect lots of animals to die, like the snake that Zach took so much pleasure in killing. Like the regular forest, it's not exactly easy to take advantage of, but it might be possible, somehow.

THE HOT SPOT

General: The hot spot is the final location on the island. Apparently it's some kind of semi-volcanic opening, which would help to explain why the rain forest is there in the first place and the presence of the geyser as well. It does happen to be fenced off, but now without anyone to watch it I highly doubt those fences will come to mean anything anymore.

Predictions: I'm hoping for a couple of good scenes with how interesting the location is. The one with Todd Hudson was decent enough for me, though, it made me laugh hard enough to almost throw up. Let's just hope for a few more decent ones after that, shall we?

Ratings: The feature is unique enough to garner some ratings on it's own. With a few more decent scenes, it could be one of the best rating-generations on SOTF-TV, but we can never be sure. It definitely should definitely pack a disproportionate amount of ratings compared to size, though.

Environmental Kills: People will fall into/get pushed into the hotspot, duh. Don't need to be a genius to figure that out, even if I am (yeah, that's a horribly lame joke). If you can think of anything else, kudos to you. But I'm spent.

...and that concludes my locations analysis! I hope you had fun reading it, but if it was that long, you probably haven't But whatever, at least it's there if you ever feel the urge to read it.

~sotf67