Hiya gentleman and lesbians! Its me, Ajax-Kun, rocking on up with another post!
I did promise Comrade_Snowball I’d do a quick analysis of Larry Loner, but screw that. I have managed to get full access to the Promo material for Detroit Central High. Thank you Pirate Bay!
I have decided against hogging the limelight (Read; I’m to lazy to write much) and have just chosen to focus on a few of what I though were the more interesting episodes of the Promo material. For those of you unfamiliar with what the Promo material is, it’s a pay-per-view stalker cam kind of deal, which allows you to glimpse into their lives. It’s pretty creepy, and pretty cool. Also, incredibly depressing, when you look out over the crowds of people and realise that they all have families and at most 5 are coming home.
The first of my highlights, has got to be “When Its Time To Party, We Will Party Hard!” It starts of pretty normally, with some crappy dance music and The guy with the unpronounceable surname (Skyler Thsani) chatting to Fireman wannabe (Bobby Goldman). Pretty standard fare.
Then, Amber shows. Cue a million jealous stares against Fireman wannabe as he gets an Amber hug. Then sexy dancing.
I love that girl, so fucking much.
Then, the host of (one of my favourite campy web-cam shows) turns up. Awesome jokey intro, awesome melodrama. So much awesome it sounds like the pitch to another crappy Michael Bay movie!
Then Wannabe fireman goes on a rant about how he totes can dance, using possibly the homophobiest of homophobic insults ever. It was kinda funny. And I’m Bi, so I should be offended!
Blah, blah, blah, fights, acting hard. Just like every (One) downtown party I’ve been to. *Yawn*. I’m sure theres some shipper fuel in there, but It’s 2 AM in the fraking morning. I’ll leave that to Kawaii and Holly (Wheres that Fanfic Holly, I want me some yaoi! I am disappoint.)
Come on, we all know I’m just stalling ‘till the lesbian scene.
I just… Have no words to describe… Just…
Uuugggghhhh. HAWT. SO. HAWT.
I have no snark for this. I just have a desire to watch it on loop for a few hours.
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Oh, yeah, I’m supposed to be doing shit other than masturbating furiously. Right…
Onwards to the ad’awwwable “Beat the Lunch Line”. It is also a fairly unassuming concept, with a group just getting together at lunch and having a nice friendly chat. There’s a lot of Karen wanting everyone to GTFO at the beginning, but she screws off at some point, leaving the more friendly people to converse. Luna Lovegood (Alicia White) turns up too, so that’s awesome. Of course she cries about her rather depressing life, but then she decides to get into a rather cute romance.
I love me a good bit of romance, as y’all know, so I put this forward as my Mushy Stuff of the Week.
Right, as always, I love to know what you guys think about this stuff, so chuck up a few comments!
Also, to the guy that linked me to the torrent with these on, I love you!
Also, I hate you. Seroiusly, I need sleep. Its 2 Am. And I’m still on my computer.
Now, if youll excuse me, I’m gonna pass out
Friday, April 22, 2011
The Loner: Analysis by SickKitty
This just in, there's a loner lurking about! That's right, now that all the teams have been leaked, there appears to be one little speck of nothing floating around on TV completely alone.
His name is JACK LEMMON, his weapon is an S&W, he hates guns, and he has ADD. Usually I'd say being teamless would be an advantage- I mean, you're not stuck to kids you hate, there's no stupid mentor to answer too, there's nobody to have obnoxious, adorable sexual tension with- it should be easy sailing! That is, it should be easy sailing if you were someone halfway competent, which this loser really isn't. They put the ONE kid with ADD on a team all by himself, which means there's no one around to tell him to focus. Either he'll slide under the radar so much that he wins by default, or he'll be dead first, but either way I don't care. He's not even that attractive! Lame! Why even put this kid in the competition if they were just gonna screw him over? Does anyone else smell something fishy? No, because no one gives a flying fuck about this kid. Next!
Team Position...or...uh...Self...Position?: The Alone and Royally Boned.
His name is JACK LEMMON, his weapon is an S&W, he hates guns, and he has ADD. Usually I'd say being teamless would be an advantage- I mean, you're not stuck to kids you hate, there's no stupid mentor to answer too, there's nobody to have obnoxious, adorable sexual tension with- it should be easy sailing! That is, it should be easy sailing if you were someone halfway competent, which this loser really isn't. They put the ONE kid with ADD on a team all by himself, which means there's no one around to tell him to focus. Either he'll slide under the radar so much that he wins by default, or he'll be dead first, but either way I don't care. He's not even that attractive! Lame! Why even put this kid in the competition if they were just gonna screw him over? Does anyone else smell something fishy? No, because no one gives a flying fuck about this kid. Next!
Team Position...or...uh...Self...Position?: The Alone and Royally Boned.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Team 13 Analysis by SickKitty
Right, while I’m waiting for some more lovely little stragglers to get off their asses and really get this game going, I might as well continue onward with the Team Analysis’. We’re already live, so most of you have probably seen the first members of this team wake up, but let’s get better acquainted with the oddball members of Team 13, shall we?
Firstly, does anyone else find it odd that Team 13 is colorless? I mean, come on Producers, did you really run out of colors, or were you trying to be all cool and edgy, what with their mentor?
Speaking, of, let’s talk about her, shall we?
The Mentor- The Mysterious Stranger. Oh good Christ give me a break. There’s literally no info on this chick except that she’s, well, a chick, and like a million feet tall too. You know, I bet she requested her team be Team 13, because it’s all mysterious and cool and blah blah freaking blah. You aren’t interesting, I don’t know you, I don’t care. I mean, seriously, if your only characteristic is that you’re “mysterious” then why should I give a shit about you? Seriously, JARED is a mentor, and you think I care what you have to say Ms. Shadow With a Voice? Ugh, no. Let’s just get onto your pathetic team, shall we?
13A-Zachariah Johnson- Oh boy, another un-cutie. Seriously, where are all the sexy boys? I mean, not that I’m complaining about all the wonderful females, but seriously, I need more abs in my life! Come on boys, try harder! Oh well, Zachariah isn’t much in the looks department, and he has fucking Aspergers. So socially, unless he’s stuck with a bunch of his best buddies, the kid is pretty much screwed. He is a pretty major SOTF fan though, and apparently has some sort of list thing about all the mistakes people make? I’d say that this would help him, but I’ve been watching the show long enough to know that no matter how much prior knowledge you have, it won’t help you when you’ve been shot in the gut by someone bigger, stronger, faster and smarter than you. Weapon- Monkey Wrench. See what I mean? This loser’s not getting anywhere with a weapon as lame as that. I bet he’s one of the first out. Team Position- The Fanboy.
13B- Rishi Kohli- Oh god no. This kid is ug-ly. I may sound superficial but...oh wait that’s right I AM superficial. This kid has a face not even his mother can love. Or at least, I wouldn’t love it if I were his mother. Big eyebrows, chubby face, a MOLE? Uh, give me Kevin again! I didn’t know what I was in for! He plays Cricket, but that’s pretty much useless when it comes to SOTF. I mean, seriously, throwing a ball is gonna help you kill a bunch of other people? Yeah, right. He’s also the only kid who’s not white or rich on the team, so in team he’s pretty well screwed too. Better luck next ti- Oh wait that’s right you won’t get a next time cause you’re dead. My bad. Weapon- Extra Rations. Well at least he can keep himself fed. Not that he’ll need them when he’s dead by Day 2. Team Position: The Foreigner.
13C- Peter Campbell- Hmmm. Not bad Peter, not bad. I am a fan of the stoner look, and he pulls it off quite nicely, if I do say so myself. He’s no Leo, but he’s got the eyecandy potential. Even if he is pretty short. It’s okay Petey, I like a short boy every now and then. Mixes it up, you know? This might be one to look out for from Team 13, if only because he seems more open to making the tough decisions. Of course, he’ll be without his stash, which could leave him in a seriously bad state of mind. I’d keep an eye on him- he could be the best or he could be a mess, but either way I think he’ll be lots of fun. Weapon- Playboy Magazine. Oh....oh boy. This is almost as good as that Dildo. Remember to put your weapon to good use, Peter, the whole world is watching! And by the whole world, I mean me, of course. Team Position: The Wild Card.
13D- Simon Porter- Oh god a shortstuff. This kid is smaller than I am! Hey now, that’s no way to make a Lady feel good about herself, now is it? I’d be shocked if a gust of wind didn’t rip him in half. Not to mention he’s a sickly thing too. He may have a love of the outdoors, but if you run out of breath while fleeing from the guy trying to kill you, your appreciation for trees isn’t gonna do shit for you. This kid is useless in so many ways that it hurts just looking at him. Weapon- Stun Gun. Well, he can stun his enemies, but unless he finds a good rock to bash their brains in, he’s still first out by a mile. Team Position: The Completely Useless One.
13E-Suzanne Lanford- Well this girl just ruined the streak of attractive females this season. Short, too pale, not busty, kinda chubby, not very fashionable? Not even a lick of fanservice from this nerdy lady. And like Simon, she’s sickly too? What is this, the fodder team? Lame! She doesn’t even have any friends she can ride on the backs of, so this girl is dead in the water. Looks like her and Simon will have a nice competition to see who dies first though! Weapon- Pair of Walkie Talkies. Useless weapon for a useless girl. Really not much else to say. Team Position: The Double X.
Overall Analysis: Team 13 is, very fittingly, the most unlucky team on the face of the earth. Useless people, all of them with some sort of problem- chubby poor kid, sickly rich kids, nerdy loners, stash-less stoners. Added to the fact that they got screwed with weapons too- a Playboy Mag is a amazing, but you can’t exactly kill anyone with Ms. November now can you- and their useless and uninteresting mentor and you can pretty much guarantee that Team 13 will be the first whole team eliminated. That is, unless Peter is smart and ditches his team for another. If that happens, he might actually come out farther than any of his teammates, but he’s the only one with the tiniest chance. Team 13 is sure to be obnoxiously boring, but at least they’ll be gone before long.
Firstly, does anyone else find it odd that Team 13 is colorless? I mean, come on Producers, did you really run out of colors, or were you trying to be all cool and edgy, what with their mentor?
Speaking, of, let’s talk about her, shall we?
The Mentor- The Mysterious Stranger. Oh good Christ give me a break. There’s literally no info on this chick except that she’s, well, a chick, and like a million feet tall too. You know, I bet she requested her team be Team 13, because it’s all mysterious and cool and blah blah freaking blah. You aren’t interesting, I don’t know you, I don’t care. I mean, seriously, if your only characteristic is that you’re “mysterious” then why should I give a shit about you? Seriously, JARED is a mentor, and you think I care what you have to say Ms. Shadow With a Voice? Ugh, no. Let’s just get onto your pathetic team, shall we?
13A-Zachariah Johnson- Oh boy, another un-cutie. Seriously, where are all the sexy boys? I mean, not that I’m complaining about all the wonderful females, but seriously, I need more abs in my life! Come on boys, try harder! Oh well, Zachariah isn’t much in the looks department, and he has fucking Aspergers. So socially, unless he’s stuck with a bunch of his best buddies, the kid is pretty much screwed. He is a pretty major SOTF fan though, and apparently has some sort of list thing about all the mistakes people make? I’d say that this would help him, but I’ve been watching the show long enough to know that no matter how much prior knowledge you have, it won’t help you when you’ve been shot in the gut by someone bigger, stronger, faster and smarter than you. Weapon- Monkey Wrench. See what I mean? This loser’s not getting anywhere with a weapon as lame as that. I bet he’s one of the first out. Team Position- The Fanboy.
13B- Rishi Kohli- Oh god no. This kid is ug-ly. I may sound superficial but...oh wait that’s right I AM superficial. This kid has a face not even his mother can love. Or at least, I wouldn’t love it if I were his mother. Big eyebrows, chubby face, a MOLE? Uh, give me Kevin again! I didn’t know what I was in for! He plays Cricket, but that’s pretty much useless when it comes to SOTF. I mean, seriously, throwing a ball is gonna help you kill a bunch of other people? Yeah, right. He’s also the only kid who’s not white or rich on the team, so in team he’s pretty well screwed too. Better luck next ti- Oh wait that’s right you won’t get a next time cause you’re dead. My bad. Weapon- Extra Rations. Well at least he can keep himself fed. Not that he’ll need them when he’s dead by Day 2. Team Position: The Foreigner.
13C- Peter Campbell- Hmmm. Not bad Peter, not bad. I am a fan of the stoner look, and he pulls it off quite nicely, if I do say so myself. He’s no Leo, but he’s got the eyecandy potential. Even if he is pretty short. It’s okay Petey, I like a short boy every now and then. Mixes it up, you know? This might be one to look out for from Team 13, if only because he seems more open to making the tough decisions. Of course, he’ll be without his stash, which could leave him in a seriously bad state of mind. I’d keep an eye on him- he could be the best or he could be a mess, but either way I think he’ll be lots of fun. Weapon- Playboy Magazine. Oh....oh boy. This is almost as good as that Dildo. Remember to put your weapon to good use, Peter, the whole world is watching! And by the whole world, I mean me, of course. Team Position: The Wild Card.
13D- Simon Porter- Oh god a shortstuff. This kid is smaller than I am! Hey now, that’s no way to make a Lady feel good about herself, now is it? I’d be shocked if a gust of wind didn’t rip him in half. Not to mention he’s a sickly thing too. He may have a love of the outdoors, but if you run out of breath while fleeing from the guy trying to kill you, your appreciation for trees isn’t gonna do shit for you. This kid is useless in so many ways that it hurts just looking at him. Weapon- Stun Gun. Well, he can stun his enemies, but unless he finds a good rock to bash their brains in, he’s still first out by a mile. Team Position: The Completely Useless One.
13E-Suzanne Lanford- Well this girl just ruined the streak of attractive females this season. Short, too pale, not busty, kinda chubby, not very fashionable? Not even a lick of fanservice from this nerdy lady. And like Simon, she’s sickly too? What is this, the fodder team? Lame! She doesn’t even have any friends she can ride on the backs of, so this girl is dead in the water. Looks like her and Simon will have a nice competition to see who dies first though! Weapon- Pair of Walkie Talkies. Useless weapon for a useless girl. Really not much else to say. Team Position: The Double X.
Overall Analysis: Team 13 is, very fittingly, the most unlucky team on the face of the earth. Useless people, all of them with some sort of problem- chubby poor kid, sickly rich kids, nerdy loners, stash-less stoners. Added to the fact that they got screwed with weapons too- a Playboy Mag is a amazing, but you can’t exactly kill anyone with Ms. November now can you- and their useless and uninteresting mentor and you can pretty much guarantee that Team 13 will be the first whole team eliminated. That is, unless Peter is smart and ditches his team for another. If that happens, he might actually come out farther than any of his teammates, but he’s the only one with the tiniest chance. Team 13 is sure to be obnoxiously boring, but at least they’ll be gone before long.
Blue Team Analysis by sotf67
BLUE TEAM ANALYSIS
Most of you guys probably don't know me, being a newbie to the SOTF-TV blogging scene and all, but I figured that I should probably make at least some kind of contribution to the blog instead of simply lurking around and cursing out fangirls (and speaking of cursing out fangirls, I'll apologize to yofu, kawaii!!sotf, that was definitely uncalled for on my part). And thus, I decided to write this analysis. You guys *probably* won't really enjoy reading this, but if you enjoy bland and informative analyses then this is probably for you. But hey, at least it's here.
MENTOR: MARIE ROUX
GENERAL: The Blue Team's mentor is Marie Roux, a minor French diplomat to the UN, and apparently a huge SOTF-TV fan who has gone as far to propose a multinational version of the show where students from each country compete on the behalf of their nation. (That's a great way to earn brownie points in the international community, ask countries to send their teenagers to death *and* make it based on an American game show!) Besides that, there's not too much to say about her, besides the fact that whoever compiled the SOTF-TV character profiles is a failure at research for giving her the label "The Foreign Ambassador", since ambassador is the highest ranking representative of a nation and it's explicitly stated that she's a minor diplomat. But whatever, that's neither here nor there.
PROS: OK, I really don't see much here that's going for her. Sure, she's definitely determined to win, but determination is something that helps with other game-winning attributes, not THE game-winning attribute. She's probably good at negotiating with people and influencing them, being a diplomat, but that's really not going to help here since action is almost always the deciding factor in SOTF-TV. And... well... that's about it.
CONS: Although she doesn't really have many pros, Madame Roux here doesn't seem to have any glaring flaws either. Yes she doesn't have much practical experience, but then again, barely any of the mentors do. Perhaps only thing that really contrasts with the others is that she'd be content with "putting on a good show" - meaning that she might simply choose to go out with a boom rather than actually playing it out the boring but rational way that gets people to the end. It's really hard to know, though, so just keep watching.
OVERVIEW: An OK mentor, I suppose, not a good one, not a bad one. She doesn't have the skills of Lt. Colonel Whatshisname, the experience of Jared, or the endless analysis of MarWIN, but at least she's not Susan Crawford. Still, overall she's probably tilted more to the useless side, but you can't really know until she gets into action.
STUDENT ONE: JASZMINE JOHNSON
GENERAL: Jaszmine is the first of the Blue Team students, from Detroit Central High. She's apparently a bit cynical due to one minor bout of job loss and depression by her father, and yet wants help the world though... using fashion design to make donations to charity? What? Excuse my tangent, but that's really as hopelessly naive as it gets, charity hardly ever helps anyone. Ever heard the old adage "greed is good"? It's true in SOTF-TV, and it's true in real life. There's actually nothing else to say about her in general, that's pretty much it about her.
PROS: Well, first off, she's determined and a hard worker. Like I said before of Madame Roux, "determination is something that helps with other game-winning attributes, not THE game-winning attribute". That, and the fact that she has a gun, which now makes her a definite candidate to survive to midgame, at the very least. (Most people who draw a gun do.) And, of course, her determination is now worth ever so much more - good weapon + determination = very potent combination. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised at all if she survives to endgame, I don't see an easy out in her.
CONS: She's cynical, so she might have trouble making allies and cooperating with others. That's about the only "disadvantage" I could glean from her profile, really. In a regular game, this would really not be a problem, and even might be an advantage, as all people in a regular age ARE indeed guided by self interest, but this is a team game, which necessitates cooperation. Her teammates are also not exactly top-tier, and if the girl with the best weapon in the team can't cooperate with them then there could be trouble.
OVERVIEW: Good draw and great determination makes her a decent candidate for surviving until endgame. However, in a team game her cynical attitude might come back to bite her in the back. She can bring this team either up or down - she's got the best draw out of all of them, and could be the top performer, but her attitude might be what breaks the team apart, especially because of her draw. Still, definitely going to be an interesting watch.
STUDENT TWO: ANNA HIGGINS
GENERAL: Another DCH student. Apparently her parents got separated shortly after she was born, and her mother then remarried. She managed to avoid problematic situations in an environment like Detroit by watching television and learning about these things without actually encountering them (I'm being serious here) to the point of being '"raised by the television". Normally, I would make a joke about us being SOTF-TV addicts and all, but there are *certain* people in the fan community who take the whole thing so seriously that they can't take a joke. Finally, she also took an interest in art, movies, drama, and music, so she's definitely a right-brain kind of person. That about sums it up.
PROS: Really not much going for her. She's definitely creative, but that almost never makes an impact on SOTF-TV unless they go and "create" a way to escape. She's also supposed to have some guaranteed allies, but this isn't much of a benefit in a team game where everyone has guaranteed allies, and could end up detrimental in the sense that she might end up needing to kill these "guaranteed allies". Also, apparently not many people dislike her (not important when half the people don't know you), and can lie well (which often ends badly in SOTF-TV). Yay.
CONS: She's apparently supposed to be loud and annoying, which is not a good thing when your on a team. Did I mention she has a bad draw? And when you can't get along well with others on a team and have a bad draw, well, that's not a good thing. Because of her loudness, she's not good at hiding, which is a bad thing in SOTF-TV when simply hiding can save your life half of the time if you can suck in your pride (which you should). Finally, and most importantly, she's out of shape due to having a sedentary lifestyle, which of course is not a good thing in a heavily physical activity like SOTF-TV. Yeah, it's a bit ironic for people like us to by typing that, but I'm not the one on the island, at least not this year.
OVERVIEW: Not seeing good chances in this one. Her disadvantages greatly outweigh her advantages, and I'm seeing more of a liability to the team then anything. Still, you never know, the artistic/creative types have a tendency to surprise us, it's not a rare occurrence to have one of the top-tier killers or escape artists of the season to be an overlooked artist.
STUDENT THREE: JOSHUA DOYLE
GENERAL: Joshua is one of two students in Team Blue from Silver Dragon Academy (SDA), the other school with students participating in SOTF-TV. Tangent time - What kind of idiot makes the business decision to allow your students to participate in a game show where most (if not all) of your students will die, and also let a teacher participate as a mentor? It's a private school, people, the government may be backing up the show but ultimately whoever owns the school decides. I'm guessing there were bribes involved, but the enrollment at SDA will drop like flies, I assure you. But anyways, Joshua Doyle. He's good academically and something of a nerd if you care to use that word. Before someone tries to say it's ironic that I'm saying that, don't forget we're geeks on this website, not nerds, although I might be considered both. More importantly, however, he also got very severe anger management problems, and requires medicine to keep them in check. Watching people without medicine snap - one of the great pleasures of SOTF-TV. That's all that's of interest about him.
PROS: He learns quickly and thinks logically, that's good. However, much as people like to try to think otherwise, skill (and weapons, for that matter) in SOTF-TV is about what you've got at the start, not about what you get over time, either you survive the crucial early game or you don't. Decent memory as well, but I don't see that helping much to be completely honest. His weapon's not horrible, but not great either. It does put him above all the others who've drawn complete junk, though, I'll say that much.
CONS: Ah, where to begin, where to begin? First off, his anger management problems, he's not going to be getting any medication on his island and seeing him explode will be quite amusing. Of course, it'll also be quite detrimental, too, anger is no substitute for skill and calm, rational thinking in battle, as we've seen so many times before in SOTF-TV. His weapon's not exactly a good thing to be using while angry, either. He's also somewhat weak arm-wise, which isn't good, especially without a decent gun.
OVERVIEW: Joshua's disadvantages greatly outweigh his advantages, as he's got anger management problems and dependency to medicines to control it to boot! Definitely going to be amusing to watch him lose his head in anger, idiomatically and maybe even literally. I definitely predict he'll get "Most Amusing Death", folks.
STUDENT FOUR: AXEL STADLER
GENERAL: The last of the DCHers here in Blue Team. He's apparently very dynamic personality-wise, and something of a loner. Also, he's the second cynic in this team, along with Jaszimine of course. He's also a pragmatist as well, choosing solely based on reason. When he talks to others, he's brutally honest and wants everyone else to do the same. Interestingly, he believes that everyone has "layers" and that he simply has more of them then others, whatever that might mean. He's also a big SOTF-TV fan, it's always fun to have 'em. Along the way, he's picked up decent reflexes and knife skills, so he's not totally lacking in valuable skills. Finally, he's got insomnia and is a bit paranoid in the dark, so a very interesting combination of traits overall.
PROS: Pragmatism is always a good thing on SOTF-TV, the people who tend to die the most are the most inflexible ones. Reflexes and weapons skills are good, even if it's only with a knife, as I've said before, the skill you start with is the skill that will carry you through. If only he started with Joshua's weapon, though, his skills would be usable immediately and with a decent weapon to boot. Finally, he's got knowledge of SOTF-TV, which is always a sizable benefit, although not as much as some would like to think (I'm looking at you, MarWIN).
CONS: He's not a team player. That's never really a good thing when you're playing a team game, obviously. He's a bit lacking in strength, but that's not a huge problem when he's got some speed and dexterity to back him up. Insomnia is also not a good thing, alertness is crucial when you're in SOTF-TV. His paranoia in the darkness may not be as detrimental as one may think, though, it could very will help counteract his insomnia, although it might just make him lose sleep for no reason at all. Also, his weapon sucks.
OVERVIEW: Definitely an interesting person, could go either way. Probably not exactly endgame material, but he might be able to get to the midgame and provide us with a couple of interesting scenes. If he can get his knowledge to work, then he might be able to get a little further, but only might. Not going to make any predictions on this guy, he's totally unpredictable in many ways more then one. Still, maybe one, as I have a feeling his lack of willingness to work as a team will hurt him...
STUDENT FIVE: LOU BECKER
OVERVIEW: The last member of the team and the second SDAer in the team. Note that he's a guy, no matter how his name might fool you. Apparently an early adopter of SOTF-TV, like many of us here, and actually apparently did a SOTF-TV blog once. Not as successful as ours, though, not by a long show. It's actually still floating around on the internet somewhere, google "Lou Becker SOTF-TV blog" if you want to see it for yourself. Also likes violent video games and the infamous place we all know and fear known as /b/. Also, he says he's got nothing to look forward to in life, and shuts himself from the outside world, just waiting for high school to be over. Again, I REALLY want to make a joke here but I know how that'll end, so that's a no-no.
PROS: Well, he's very knowledgeable about SOTF-TV, which like I've said before is a benefit but not as much as one might think. Also is "intelligent", but intellect doesn't count for much when you're on the other end of a gun. The machete's an OK weapon, at least it's usable. That's it, really. Nope, he doesn't have much going for him.
CONS: He's fat and out of shape, which is always a bad thing when you're up in close combat or trying to avoid getting shot or one of the other hundred things you need to do in SOTF-TV that needs at least some physical fitness. He's also unpopular and anti-social, which of course is less of a problem in a team game then a regular game due to the already guaranteed. Still, he needs to at least get along with his teammates, and being antisocial doesn't really help.
OVERVIEW: Yet another liability to the team. He's got nothing the team needs and isn't much of a team player, and he's not very fit and likely to slow them down. Another early out, maybe another of the team members could use the machete. Really not much more to say about him, besides that anyone who says SOTF-TV knowledge is a gamewinning is horribly, horribly, wrong.
TEAM OVERVIEW
Blue Team is not horrible, as far as teams go, they have a couple of decent people and at least one gun. The mentor and some of the students are a bit lacking, but most of them have *some* redeeming qualities. I have doubts they are going to survive to the endgame, but they hardly look like one that will be quickly eliminated, like Brown or worse yet Green. As for how entertaining they will be, it'll be simply about how they'll play, I think they'll be a decent watch for those like me who could care less about shipping. And... yeah, that about sums it up.
~sotf67
Most of you guys probably don't know me, being a newbie to the SOTF-TV blogging scene and all, but I figured that I should probably make at least some kind of contribution to the blog instead of simply lurking around and cursing out fangirls (and speaking of cursing out fangirls, I'll apologize to yofu, kawaii!!sotf, that was definitely uncalled for on my part). And thus, I decided to write this analysis. You guys *probably* won't really enjoy reading this, but if you enjoy bland and informative analyses then this is probably for you. But hey, at least it's here.
MENTOR: MARIE ROUX
GENERAL: The Blue Team's mentor is Marie Roux, a minor French diplomat to the UN, and apparently a huge SOTF-TV fan who has gone as far to propose a multinational version of the show where students from each country compete on the behalf of their nation. (That's a great way to earn brownie points in the international community, ask countries to send their teenagers to death *and* make it based on an American game show!) Besides that, there's not too much to say about her, besides the fact that whoever compiled the SOTF-TV character profiles is a failure at research for giving her the label "The Foreign Ambassador", since ambassador is the highest ranking representative of a nation and it's explicitly stated that she's a minor diplomat. But whatever, that's neither here nor there.
PROS: OK, I really don't see much here that's going for her. Sure, she's definitely determined to win, but determination is something that helps with other game-winning attributes, not THE game-winning attribute. She's probably good at negotiating with people and influencing them, being a diplomat, but that's really not going to help here since action is almost always the deciding factor in SOTF-TV. And... well... that's about it.
CONS: Although she doesn't really have many pros, Madame Roux here doesn't seem to have any glaring flaws either. Yes she doesn't have much practical experience, but then again, barely any of the mentors do. Perhaps only thing that really contrasts with the others is that she'd be content with "putting on a good show" - meaning that she might simply choose to go out with a boom rather than actually playing it out the boring but rational way that gets people to the end. It's really hard to know, though, so just keep watching.
OVERVIEW: An OK mentor, I suppose, not a good one, not a bad one. She doesn't have the skills of Lt. Colonel Whatshisname, the experience of Jared, or the endless analysis of MarWIN, but at least she's not Susan Crawford. Still, overall she's probably tilted more to the useless side, but you can't really know until she gets into action.
STUDENT ONE: JASZMINE JOHNSON
GENERAL: Jaszmine is the first of the Blue Team students, from Detroit Central High. She's apparently a bit cynical due to one minor bout of job loss and depression by her father, and yet wants help the world though... using fashion design to make donations to charity? What? Excuse my tangent, but that's really as hopelessly naive as it gets, charity hardly ever helps anyone. Ever heard the old adage "greed is good"? It's true in SOTF-TV, and it's true in real life. There's actually nothing else to say about her in general, that's pretty much it about her.
PROS: Well, first off, she's determined and a hard worker. Like I said before of Madame Roux, "determination is something that helps with other game-winning attributes, not THE game-winning attribute". That, and the fact that she has a gun, which now makes her a definite candidate to survive to midgame, at the very least. (Most people who draw a gun do.) And, of course, her determination is now worth ever so much more - good weapon + determination = very potent combination. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised at all if she survives to endgame, I don't see an easy out in her.
CONS: She's cynical, so she might have trouble making allies and cooperating with others. That's about the only "disadvantage" I could glean from her profile, really. In a regular game, this would really not be a problem, and even might be an advantage, as all people in a regular age ARE indeed guided by self interest, but this is a team game, which necessitates cooperation. Her teammates are also not exactly top-tier, and if the girl with the best weapon in the team can't cooperate with them then there could be trouble.
OVERVIEW: Good draw and great determination makes her a decent candidate for surviving until endgame. However, in a team game her cynical attitude might come back to bite her in the back. She can bring this team either up or down - she's got the best draw out of all of them, and could be the top performer, but her attitude might be what breaks the team apart, especially because of her draw. Still, definitely going to be an interesting watch.
STUDENT TWO: ANNA HIGGINS
GENERAL: Another DCH student. Apparently her parents got separated shortly after she was born, and her mother then remarried. She managed to avoid problematic situations in an environment like Detroit by watching television and learning about these things without actually encountering them (I'm being serious here) to the point of being '"raised by the television". Normally, I would make a joke about us being SOTF-TV addicts and all, but there are *certain* people in the fan community who take the whole thing so seriously that they can't take a joke. Finally, she also took an interest in art, movies, drama, and music, so she's definitely a right-brain kind of person. That about sums it up.
PROS: Really not much going for her. She's definitely creative, but that almost never makes an impact on SOTF-TV unless they go and "create" a way to escape. She's also supposed to have some guaranteed allies, but this isn't much of a benefit in a team game where everyone has guaranteed allies, and could end up detrimental in the sense that she might end up needing to kill these "guaranteed allies". Also, apparently not many people dislike her (not important when half the people don't know you), and can lie well (which often ends badly in SOTF-TV). Yay.
CONS: She's apparently supposed to be loud and annoying, which is not a good thing when your on a team. Did I mention she has a bad draw? And when you can't get along well with others on a team and have a bad draw, well, that's not a good thing. Because of her loudness, she's not good at hiding, which is a bad thing in SOTF-TV when simply hiding can save your life half of the time if you can suck in your pride (which you should). Finally, and most importantly, she's out of shape due to having a sedentary lifestyle, which of course is not a good thing in a heavily physical activity like SOTF-TV. Yeah, it's a bit ironic for people like us to by typing that, but I'm not the one on the island, at least not this year.
OVERVIEW: Not seeing good chances in this one. Her disadvantages greatly outweigh her advantages, and I'm seeing more of a liability to the team then anything. Still, you never know, the artistic/creative types have a tendency to surprise us, it's not a rare occurrence to have one of the top-tier killers or escape artists of the season to be an overlooked artist.
STUDENT THREE: JOSHUA DOYLE
GENERAL: Joshua is one of two students in Team Blue from Silver Dragon Academy (SDA), the other school with students participating in SOTF-TV. Tangent time - What kind of idiot makes the business decision to allow your students to participate in a game show where most (if not all) of your students will die, and also let a teacher participate as a mentor? It's a private school, people, the government may be backing up the show but ultimately whoever owns the school decides. I'm guessing there were bribes involved, but the enrollment at SDA will drop like flies, I assure you. But anyways, Joshua Doyle. He's good academically and something of a nerd if you care to use that word. Before someone tries to say it's ironic that I'm saying that, don't forget we're geeks on this website, not nerds, although I might be considered both. More importantly, however, he also got very severe anger management problems, and requires medicine to keep them in check. Watching people without medicine snap - one of the great pleasures of SOTF-TV. That's all that's of interest about him.
PROS: He learns quickly and thinks logically, that's good. However, much as people like to try to think otherwise, skill (and weapons, for that matter) in SOTF-TV is about what you've got at the start, not about what you get over time, either you survive the crucial early game or you don't. Decent memory as well, but I don't see that helping much to be completely honest. His weapon's not horrible, but not great either. It does put him above all the others who've drawn complete junk, though, I'll say that much.
CONS: Ah, where to begin, where to begin? First off, his anger management problems, he's not going to be getting any medication on his island and seeing him explode will be quite amusing. Of course, it'll also be quite detrimental, too, anger is no substitute for skill and calm, rational thinking in battle, as we've seen so many times before in SOTF-TV. His weapon's not exactly a good thing to be using while angry, either. He's also somewhat weak arm-wise, which isn't good, especially without a decent gun.
OVERVIEW: Joshua's disadvantages greatly outweigh his advantages, as he's got anger management problems and dependency to medicines to control it to boot! Definitely going to be amusing to watch him lose his head in anger, idiomatically and maybe even literally. I definitely predict he'll get "Most Amusing Death", folks.
STUDENT FOUR: AXEL STADLER
GENERAL: The last of the DCHers here in Blue Team. He's apparently very dynamic personality-wise, and something of a loner. Also, he's the second cynic in this team, along with Jaszimine of course. He's also a pragmatist as well, choosing solely based on reason. When he talks to others, he's brutally honest and wants everyone else to do the same. Interestingly, he believes that everyone has "layers" and that he simply has more of them then others, whatever that might mean. He's also a big SOTF-TV fan, it's always fun to have 'em. Along the way, he's picked up decent reflexes and knife skills, so he's not totally lacking in valuable skills. Finally, he's got insomnia and is a bit paranoid in the dark, so a very interesting combination of traits overall.
PROS: Pragmatism is always a good thing on SOTF-TV, the people who tend to die the most are the most inflexible ones. Reflexes and weapons skills are good, even if it's only with a knife, as I've said before, the skill you start with is the skill that will carry you through. If only he started with Joshua's weapon, though, his skills would be usable immediately and with a decent weapon to boot. Finally, he's got knowledge of SOTF-TV, which is always a sizable benefit, although not as much as some would like to think (I'm looking at you, MarWIN).
CONS: He's not a team player. That's never really a good thing when you're playing a team game, obviously. He's a bit lacking in strength, but that's not a huge problem when he's got some speed and dexterity to back him up. Insomnia is also not a good thing, alertness is crucial when you're in SOTF-TV. His paranoia in the darkness may not be as detrimental as one may think, though, it could very will help counteract his insomnia, although it might just make him lose sleep for no reason at all. Also, his weapon sucks.
OVERVIEW: Definitely an interesting person, could go either way. Probably not exactly endgame material, but he might be able to get to the midgame and provide us with a couple of interesting scenes. If he can get his knowledge to work, then he might be able to get a little further, but only might. Not going to make any predictions on this guy, he's totally unpredictable in many ways more then one. Still, maybe one, as I have a feeling his lack of willingness to work as a team will hurt him...
STUDENT FIVE: LOU BECKER
OVERVIEW: The last member of the team and the second SDAer in the team. Note that he's a guy, no matter how his name might fool you. Apparently an early adopter of SOTF-TV, like many of us here, and actually apparently did a SOTF-TV blog once. Not as successful as ours, though, not by a long show. It's actually still floating around on the internet somewhere, google "Lou Becker SOTF-TV blog" if you want to see it for yourself. Also likes violent video games and the infamous place we all know and fear known as /b/. Also, he says he's got nothing to look forward to in life, and shuts himself from the outside world, just waiting for high school to be over. Again, I REALLY want to make a joke here but I know how that'll end, so that's a no-no.
PROS: Well, he's very knowledgeable about SOTF-TV, which like I've said before is a benefit but not as much as one might think. Also is "intelligent", but intellect doesn't count for much when you're on the other end of a gun. The machete's an OK weapon, at least it's usable. That's it, really. Nope, he doesn't have much going for him.
CONS: He's fat and out of shape, which is always a bad thing when you're up in close combat or trying to avoid getting shot or one of the other hundred things you need to do in SOTF-TV that needs at least some physical fitness. He's also unpopular and anti-social, which of course is less of a problem in a team game then a regular game due to the already guaranteed. Still, he needs to at least get along with his teammates, and being antisocial doesn't really help.
OVERVIEW: Yet another liability to the team. He's got nothing the team needs and isn't much of a team player, and he's not very fit and likely to slow them down. Another early out, maybe another of the team members could use the machete. Really not much more to say about him, besides that anyone who says SOTF-TV knowledge is a gamewinning is horribly, horribly, wrong.
TEAM OVERVIEW
Blue Team is not horrible, as far as teams go, they have a couple of decent people and at least one gun. The mentor and some of the students are a bit lacking, but most of them have *some* redeeming qualities. I have doubts they are going to survive to the endgame, but they hardly look like one that will be quickly eliminated, like Brown or worse yet Green. As for how entertaining they will be, it'll be simply about how they'll play, I think they'll be a decent watch for those like me who could care less about shipping. And... yeah, that about sums it up.
~sotf67
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Green Team Analysis by MidnightQ
BEGIN TRANSMISSION
Greetings again readers,
It’s MidnightQ once more. This time I’ve come to share with you my thoughts on Green Team. Enviro-Team, Conserva-Team, or whatever you want to call them has made it into my possession. Or rather, the leaked data that is the team roster has made it into my possession. I can say with absolute certainty that Green Team is by far the most interesting exercise in publicity stunts I have ever seen on the show. (Barring of course the stunt pulled with the fifth season. Truly unforgettable.) And I can say also that I just might not be overly harsh in my judgments. This assumes of course that the members of Green Team are even worth my time. Only a look at the roster will tell me for sure.
THE MENTOR
The first part of the incredible ratings gamble that is Green Team is also perhaps the most interesting part. For none other than Susan Crawford has been chosen to mentor Green Team. Susan, if you are reading this, I want you to know that I am truly sorry for what happened to Erin. What she endured was an atrocity and testament to the extent of the horrors man can inflict upon our fellow man. Truly such terrible things should never be given the chance to occur. Even if such events provided endless hours of discussion and debate over just how long that kind of thing needs to go on before it becomes ‘totally lame’, pardon my vernacular. (Oh and there’s also the bonus of that footage being a great case study for psychology studies. I highly recommend using it and seeing what comes up in the following course discussion.)
Anyway, that’s beside the point. What is the point of this analysis is seeing how good Miss Crawford is for the team. (It is Miss Crawford, correct? I don’t want to assume things about your marital status. Why that would be almost as rude as you are to most everyone you speak with.) I can say that despite her position and methods, inane as they are, Miss Crawford is actually quite a good fit. She’s studied SOTF almost religiously. If she weren’t such a vehement opponent you could almost make a case that she’s the biggest fan of the show there is. (Apologies to everyone else wanting that title.) The only problem is I don’t see her actually using that wealth of knowledge for the good of the team. No doubt she’s going to try and get to them to escape. While that’s always good, and entertaining, the incredibly low rates of escape over the course of show indicate that it isn’t wise to focus all your effort on escaping. So much for giving out strategies to help them beat out all their opponents.
THE STUDENTS
GRN1: Sean Davidson
Excuse me while I make a copy of the photograph that came with the roster. There. That should do it. Now before I distract myself further I should get on with my analysis. The athleticism will come in handy, I suppose. It isn’t much but it is better than what most of the contestants thus far have going for them. What interests me more is his mind. (Not in that way. Though perhaps sometime in the future when such things become viable…) Every so often, you can just tell that some people were just born in the wrong century. Sean is one of those people. His interest in history, philosophy, basically anything about the ‘old world’ is most intriguing. To be honest I doubt it will do him much good, but it is nice to see someone this day and age actually using his or her mind for more than gratification of base desires. (As fun as they are to gratify.) As for his weapon, I do fear he could have gotten a better one. A Super Soaker, even a monster one, isn’t particularly effective compared to other, more lethal, weapons in play. My prediction for him is as follows: He’ll die quick if he doesn’t find the rest of his team soon. That weapon will not help him.
We as a species need people like Sean. People who aren’t going to forget the progress we’ve made in such a short time. Even if that progress has resulted in today’s world, as bad as it is sometimes, it is still progress. Good to know that someone hasn’t forgotten that we’ve only made it this far on the wings of those before us. Sean, thank you for your interest in the world before. You deserve better than this. (But we don’t all get what we deserve now do we? To that end, he’ll be fun to watch.)
GRN2: David Myerez
Just how do you pronounce that last name? Is it Me-yers? Mi-ye-rez? (I’ll be up all night trying to figure it out.) Anyway, Green Team does seem to have a good bit of eye candy. (It’s just my opinion though. There’s no need to go spreading it around.) It seems he’s got a bit of MacGyver in him. Well maybe he’s not that good but still. His skill with a skateboard probably won’t get to be shown off, but his ability going all parkour might. We’ll see on both counts. What worries me is his mental state. Seems the poor boy was in a rather nasty accident, and his girl/friend got killed. (I’m not sure what exactly she was to him. My info doesn’t say. I’ll have to talk to someone at his school after the season ends.) He changed a lot after that. Having been so close to death, I wonder how he’ll handle being even closer. Trauma like that does mysterious things. Makes you wonder how he’ll use that Gladius of his. (I hope he keeps to proper technique. Those things are harder to use than they look. Yes I have used one. I’ll relate the tale later.) My prediction for him is as follows: We’ll see a spectacular show when he comes across death or is forced to kill someone. Mark my words. It will be epic.
Having seen death so close, maybe he’s more aware of his mortality. Might he be more ready than the common man to shuffle off his mortal coil? Does he believe in the existence of the soul? Of life after death? Is any of this speculation relevant? All that and more will be answered as we observe our friend David during his run on SOTF-TV. I can’t wait.
GRN3: Alexis “Lexi” Allwell
Well all’s well that ends well. But this won’t end well. So it probably won’t be well. (I’ll stop now.) First thing sweetie, lose the spray-tan and we’ll talk. It doesn’t suit you, in my opinion. (Though I admit to bias, as I don’t think it suits anyone.) That small frame will certainly come in handy staying hidden. And that rope and grappling hook have many uses. Though most of them take time, which she may not have when discovered. Lexi’s shyness concerns me, as anyone with a good presence might influence her in a bad way. Her time spent playing tennis should have her be in shape enough to run away if she finds herself in a bad spot. I’ll assume so until I see otherwise. Though I just have to say that the spoiled-child thing she got with her parents will not help her on the show. And from what I’ve heard, she doesn’t really like the show when there isn’t an escape going on. (I’ll have to verify that. It’s all based on info from message boards that she’s posted on. At least I assume it’s her. Who knows, it could be someone completely different.) My prediction for her is as follows: She’ll hide a lot. It’s the only way I see her staying alive until the group finds each other.
Alexis is definitely going to have to come out of her shell during the game. And she’d going to take a crash course in learning how to use what you have when you don’t have what you want. Good lessons. If she survives, I think I’ll just splurge and buy her whatever anything she might ask me for. It’s the least I can do for her, as I’m sure she’ll be a lot of fun to follow on her journey into the heart of darkness. (I’ve just realized I’ve used that exact same line in an analysis of a previous season. Oh well, I like it too much to change it.)
GRN4: Chelsea Roberts
Chelsea is moderately attractive. (Meaning I’d have to strike out on some good finds before I consider her.) No offense Miss Roberts, but I’ve seen better. (Like BLK5.) Still, I’m not judging entirely by looks. Doing so is shallow and uninformed. And there’s nothing more annoying than being uninformed. And that’s what I like about Chelsea. She’s anything but uninformed. She’s got so much info in that head, and she can recall it in great detail. Though I wonder if it’s all just book-smarts. It sure seems that way. My advice for her is she needs to open up to others a bit more. She won’t last long if she doesn’t learn to live in the real world. (Well, SOTF-TV isn’t exactly the best place to start but she can’t exactly pick somewhere else to start now can she?) That aluminum baseball bat she’s got should help to fend off attackers. Assuming, of course, that’s she has to will and the way to swing it. (Pun unintentional.) I swear it’s almost as if the monkey interns are psychic or something. They always seem to know what to give someone to make it very difficult for him or her to survive. At least, that applies to people I’m interested in. My prediction for her is as follows: Her knowledge won’t do her much good unless she can get a gun. Then I can see her as a powerhouse. Here’s hoping.
One thing I’ve learned about the world is that you can’t categorize everything into neat little compartments. Not in the real world. The world of fiction is all for that. The world of our minds thrives on it. But real people are just too unpredictable for categorization. (On a small scale. Large-scale cases, we’re like cattle.) Chelsea’s got the brains to be a star here. I wonder if she’ll live up to my expectations. (And the expectations of her parents. And her fans.)
GRN5: Michael Clark
Who is like God? That’s what Michael’s name means. Interesting factoid there. And really, he’ll needs God’s help to live long enough to ditch that butter knife. (A butter knife, seriously? I knew those monkey interns were psychic.) Still, when it comes to pure physicality Michael’s got most of the students in the show beat. I can see him easily overpowering most everyone he comes across. But the game isn’t all about the rough and tough stuff. No, much of the game is won with mind games, subtle plans, and the cunning to abuse other’s weaknesses to the fullest. His interest in music and literature won’t help him much. Though I applaud his effort into becoming more cultured than most people, the simple facts are that no book or song in the history of the world has even blown someone’s face off. (Although I read a comment one time assuring me that exact thing had happened. I’m still investigating.) All I can say is, he better get a good weapon soon. Then he’ll be a real good bet to win. My prediction for him is as follows: If he meets a kid with a gun and an itchy trigger finger at the start, it’s goodbye. If he meets a melee weapon user, then I’d say he’d get a decent weapon. Late in the game, if he makes it that far, he’ll be a favorite for victory.
I wonder if his parents knew what they were proclaiming over Michael’s life when they named him. Could God be on his side? Might he have an angel looking out for him? Will his life settle centuries of debate and definitively prove or disprove the existence of God? Most likely not, as I see little connection to the spirit world in him. But surely that world is more real than this one. After all, this world is but a fleeting dream.
OVERALL ANALYSIS
Green Team’s got a lot of good players on it. They don’t have good weapons, but relieving undeserving kids of good weapons should alleviate their problem. If they do all survive long enough to form up as a team, I predict they’ll be real power hitters. The students, the second-and-final-part of the publicity stunt known as Green Team, are an interesting bunch. I can see a wealth of entertainment from their time on the show.
Oh, and I have a parting word with Miss Crawford. Shouting expletives at people and raising your voice aren’t conductive to rational discussion. If you really want to change how people see SOTF, then please explain your points calmly. I enjoy a good shouting match as much as the next person, but I’ve just about had it with you Miss Crawford. And not everyone thought your sister’s death was ‘the most awesome thing ever that season’. Some of us thought it was a little too much, even for SOTF. (Though looking back at it, I can’t say for certain which side of the fence I’m on. I think maybe a few more viewings should cement my thoughts on it. I haven’t watched that remix video in a long time.)
END TRANSMISSION
Greetings again readers,
It’s MidnightQ once more. This time I’ve come to share with you my thoughts on Green Team. Enviro-Team, Conserva-Team, or whatever you want to call them has made it into my possession. Or rather, the leaked data that is the team roster has made it into my possession. I can say with absolute certainty that Green Team is by far the most interesting exercise in publicity stunts I have ever seen on the show. (Barring of course the stunt pulled with the fifth season. Truly unforgettable.) And I can say also that I just might not be overly harsh in my judgments. This assumes of course that the members of Green Team are even worth my time. Only a look at the roster will tell me for sure.
THE MENTOR
The first part of the incredible ratings gamble that is Green Team is also perhaps the most interesting part. For none other than Susan Crawford has been chosen to mentor Green Team. Susan, if you are reading this, I want you to know that I am truly sorry for what happened to Erin. What she endured was an atrocity and testament to the extent of the horrors man can inflict upon our fellow man. Truly such terrible things should never be given the chance to occur. Even if such events provided endless hours of discussion and debate over just how long that kind of thing needs to go on before it becomes ‘totally lame’, pardon my vernacular. (Oh and there’s also the bonus of that footage being a great case study for psychology studies. I highly recommend using it and seeing what comes up in the following course discussion.)
Anyway, that’s beside the point. What is the point of this analysis is seeing how good Miss Crawford is for the team. (It is Miss Crawford, correct? I don’t want to assume things about your marital status. Why that would be almost as rude as you are to most everyone you speak with.) I can say that despite her position and methods, inane as they are, Miss Crawford is actually quite a good fit. She’s studied SOTF almost religiously. If she weren’t such a vehement opponent you could almost make a case that she’s the biggest fan of the show there is. (Apologies to everyone else wanting that title.) The only problem is I don’t see her actually using that wealth of knowledge for the good of the team. No doubt she’s going to try and get to them to escape. While that’s always good, and entertaining, the incredibly low rates of escape over the course of show indicate that it isn’t wise to focus all your effort on escaping. So much for giving out strategies to help them beat out all their opponents.
THE STUDENTS
GRN1: Sean Davidson
Excuse me while I make a copy of the photograph that came with the roster. There. That should do it. Now before I distract myself further I should get on with my analysis. The athleticism will come in handy, I suppose. It isn’t much but it is better than what most of the contestants thus far have going for them. What interests me more is his mind. (Not in that way. Though perhaps sometime in the future when such things become viable…) Every so often, you can just tell that some people were just born in the wrong century. Sean is one of those people. His interest in history, philosophy, basically anything about the ‘old world’ is most intriguing. To be honest I doubt it will do him much good, but it is nice to see someone this day and age actually using his or her mind for more than gratification of base desires. (As fun as they are to gratify.) As for his weapon, I do fear he could have gotten a better one. A Super Soaker, even a monster one, isn’t particularly effective compared to other, more lethal, weapons in play. My prediction for him is as follows: He’ll die quick if he doesn’t find the rest of his team soon. That weapon will not help him.
We as a species need people like Sean. People who aren’t going to forget the progress we’ve made in such a short time. Even if that progress has resulted in today’s world, as bad as it is sometimes, it is still progress. Good to know that someone hasn’t forgotten that we’ve only made it this far on the wings of those before us. Sean, thank you for your interest in the world before. You deserve better than this. (But we don’t all get what we deserve now do we? To that end, he’ll be fun to watch.)
GRN2: David Myerez
Just how do you pronounce that last name? Is it Me-yers? Mi-ye-rez? (I’ll be up all night trying to figure it out.) Anyway, Green Team does seem to have a good bit of eye candy. (It’s just my opinion though. There’s no need to go spreading it around.) It seems he’s got a bit of MacGyver in him. Well maybe he’s not that good but still. His skill with a skateboard probably won’t get to be shown off, but his ability going all parkour might. We’ll see on both counts. What worries me is his mental state. Seems the poor boy was in a rather nasty accident, and his girl/friend got killed. (I’m not sure what exactly she was to him. My info doesn’t say. I’ll have to talk to someone at his school after the season ends.) He changed a lot after that. Having been so close to death, I wonder how he’ll handle being even closer. Trauma like that does mysterious things. Makes you wonder how he’ll use that Gladius of his. (I hope he keeps to proper technique. Those things are harder to use than they look. Yes I have used one. I’ll relate the tale later.) My prediction for him is as follows: We’ll see a spectacular show when he comes across death or is forced to kill someone. Mark my words. It will be epic.
Having seen death so close, maybe he’s more aware of his mortality. Might he be more ready than the common man to shuffle off his mortal coil? Does he believe in the existence of the soul? Of life after death? Is any of this speculation relevant? All that and more will be answered as we observe our friend David during his run on SOTF-TV. I can’t wait.
GRN3: Alexis “Lexi” Allwell
Well all’s well that ends well. But this won’t end well. So it probably won’t be well. (I’ll stop now.) First thing sweetie, lose the spray-tan and we’ll talk. It doesn’t suit you, in my opinion. (Though I admit to bias, as I don’t think it suits anyone.) That small frame will certainly come in handy staying hidden. And that rope and grappling hook have many uses. Though most of them take time, which she may not have when discovered. Lexi’s shyness concerns me, as anyone with a good presence might influence her in a bad way. Her time spent playing tennis should have her be in shape enough to run away if she finds herself in a bad spot. I’ll assume so until I see otherwise. Though I just have to say that the spoiled-child thing she got with her parents will not help her on the show. And from what I’ve heard, she doesn’t really like the show when there isn’t an escape going on. (I’ll have to verify that. It’s all based on info from message boards that she’s posted on. At least I assume it’s her. Who knows, it could be someone completely different.) My prediction for her is as follows: She’ll hide a lot. It’s the only way I see her staying alive until the group finds each other.
Alexis is definitely going to have to come out of her shell during the game. And she’d going to take a crash course in learning how to use what you have when you don’t have what you want. Good lessons. If she survives, I think I’ll just splurge and buy her whatever anything she might ask me for. It’s the least I can do for her, as I’m sure she’ll be a lot of fun to follow on her journey into the heart of darkness. (I’ve just realized I’ve used that exact same line in an analysis of a previous season. Oh well, I like it too much to change it.)
GRN4: Chelsea Roberts
Chelsea is moderately attractive. (Meaning I’d have to strike out on some good finds before I consider her.) No offense Miss Roberts, but I’ve seen better. (Like BLK5.) Still, I’m not judging entirely by looks. Doing so is shallow and uninformed. And there’s nothing more annoying than being uninformed. And that’s what I like about Chelsea. She’s anything but uninformed. She’s got so much info in that head, and she can recall it in great detail. Though I wonder if it’s all just book-smarts. It sure seems that way. My advice for her is she needs to open up to others a bit more. She won’t last long if she doesn’t learn to live in the real world. (Well, SOTF-TV isn’t exactly the best place to start but she can’t exactly pick somewhere else to start now can she?) That aluminum baseball bat she’s got should help to fend off attackers. Assuming, of course, that’s she has to will and the way to swing it. (Pun unintentional.) I swear it’s almost as if the monkey interns are psychic or something. They always seem to know what to give someone to make it very difficult for him or her to survive. At least, that applies to people I’m interested in. My prediction for her is as follows: Her knowledge won’t do her much good unless she can get a gun. Then I can see her as a powerhouse. Here’s hoping.
One thing I’ve learned about the world is that you can’t categorize everything into neat little compartments. Not in the real world. The world of fiction is all for that. The world of our minds thrives on it. But real people are just too unpredictable for categorization. (On a small scale. Large-scale cases, we’re like cattle.) Chelsea’s got the brains to be a star here. I wonder if she’ll live up to my expectations. (And the expectations of her parents. And her fans.)
GRN5: Michael Clark
Who is like God? That’s what Michael’s name means. Interesting factoid there. And really, he’ll needs God’s help to live long enough to ditch that butter knife. (A butter knife, seriously? I knew those monkey interns were psychic.) Still, when it comes to pure physicality Michael’s got most of the students in the show beat. I can see him easily overpowering most everyone he comes across. But the game isn’t all about the rough and tough stuff. No, much of the game is won with mind games, subtle plans, and the cunning to abuse other’s weaknesses to the fullest. His interest in music and literature won’t help him much. Though I applaud his effort into becoming more cultured than most people, the simple facts are that no book or song in the history of the world has even blown someone’s face off. (Although I read a comment one time assuring me that exact thing had happened. I’m still investigating.) All I can say is, he better get a good weapon soon. Then he’ll be a real good bet to win. My prediction for him is as follows: If he meets a kid with a gun and an itchy trigger finger at the start, it’s goodbye. If he meets a melee weapon user, then I’d say he’d get a decent weapon. Late in the game, if he makes it that far, he’ll be a favorite for victory.
I wonder if his parents knew what they were proclaiming over Michael’s life when they named him. Could God be on his side? Might he have an angel looking out for him? Will his life settle centuries of debate and definitively prove or disprove the existence of God? Most likely not, as I see little connection to the spirit world in him. But surely that world is more real than this one. After all, this world is but a fleeting dream.
OVERALL ANALYSIS
Green Team’s got a lot of good players on it. They don’t have good weapons, but relieving undeserving kids of good weapons should alleviate their problem. If they do all survive long enough to form up as a team, I predict they’ll be real power hitters. The students, the second-and-final-part of the publicity stunt known as Green Team, are an interesting bunch. I can see a wealth of entertainment from their time on the show.
Oh, and I have a parting word with Miss Crawford. Shouting expletives at people and raising your voice aren’t conductive to rational discussion. If you really want to change how people see SOTF, then please explain your points calmly. I enjoy a good shouting match as much as the next person, but I’ve just about had it with you Miss Crawford. And not everyone thought your sister’s death was ‘the most awesome thing ever that season’. Some of us thought it was a little too much, even for SOTF. (Though looking back at it, I can’t say for certain which side of the fence I’m on. I think maybe a few more viewings should cement my thoughts on it. I haven’t watched that remix video in a long time.)
END TRANSMISSION
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Purple Team Analysis by Comrade_Snowball
Hey folks, it’s Comrade_Snowball again! Back with another Team Analysis’, this time we’ll be checking out the Purple Team!
MENTOR
Every season there comes along a select few contestants, those lucky few with the skills and guts to hack it in wilds of SotF. Sometimes these clear frontrunners don’t do nearly as well as we hope. All the gun training and parkour skills in the world can’t save you when you’re bleeding from a gut shot, half a world away. Jared Clayton was not one of those people. He was by all accounts, an early out. But Jared had the one thing his competitors didn’t count on. Willpower.
While the rest of the mentors this year are “experts” Purple Team is truly blessed to have the only mentor with legit experience. Jared Clayton came out of nowhere to win in SotF, and more importantly, he came out of the ordeal sane. With that kind of credentials, it would be beyond stupid for anyone on the Purple Team to ignore his advice. Jared has the brains and first hand knowledge to take his team far, well past the half-mark, well into the finals!
Madelyn Connor
Traits: Athletic, Anger-Issues, White Knight Syndrome, Inattentive
Weapon: Glow Sticks
Madelyn Connor has what it takes to be a true contender, if it weren’t for a few nagging details. As we all know, trust is one of the weakest traits to have in SotF. Madelyn not only has trust in spades, but she has the unfortunate “White Knight Syndrome” as well. With a poor weapon draw, I can picture her jumping into harms way early on, and getting shot well before Purple Team’s mentor can set her on the right track. Even if Jared somehow manages to rein her in, Madelyn is far too dull-witted to last. Expect her to die via trap or by her own stupidity before half. Sorry Jared, just can’t save them all.
Amber Lyons
Traits: Whore, Cunning, Bisexual, Beautiful, Weak
Weapon: Short Spear
Now this is someone Jared can put to good use! Amber is the ideal player during the opening stages of the game. She’s one to quicken the pulse, and that can definitely be used to her team’s advantage. As often as we see the age old “Black Widow” Gambit, it never fails to work. If she’s not afraid to loosen a few bra-straps, she’ll make a kill or two easy before having to revise her plan of attack. And if Amber manages to get her hands on a gun she could make it to the end under Jared’s guidance, cackling all the way off the Island.
Karen Ruiz
Traits: Loner, Cautious
Weapon: Glock
Not much to say about Karen. She appears to be a wild card! It’s impossible to say what way she’ll swing; she’s either a player or early game victim. Whatever way she goes, expect a lot of contestants going “Huh? Who’s Karen?” I’m gonna go out on a limb and predict mid game death, her gun passed on to a more useful team member.
Cesar Perdomo
Traits: Stoner, “One of Us”, Tall, Gun Experience, Follower, Friendly
Weapon: Febreeze
Poor Cesar! One of the few with actual gun experience, and he’s drawn a can of Febreeze. Best hope you run into Karen early on Cesar. Actually, your team better hope you have the guts to actually open fire! All the experience in the world can’t help you if you can’t bring yourself to end a life. I’m sure Jared knows that first hand, after his clash with Mike Martelli during his own SotF run. If anyone can bring Cesar around, it’s Purple Team’s Mentor though. If Jared succeeds, I think we can expect a somewhat guilty Cesar slinking his way into end game.
Sterling Odair
Traits: Athletic, Popular, Bisexual, Depressed, Anxiety Problems
Weapon: Hatchet
Well, in any other case I’d say Purple Team has found their on0site leader! Of course, Sterling has some issues to work out. Rather sad to see, the kid would make an excellent commander, for those willing to listen. A lot of “ifs” involved with Sterling. IF he can keep from cracking, IF he can link up with his team, IF Jared can give him good enough instructions… I can see Sterling making it to end game, but I can just as easily see him getting knocked off halfway through.
OVERALL
Jared has some work to do. His team isn’t the most heavily armed, and there will definitely be problems convincing certain members to play by his rules. Still, that doesn’t rule Purple Team out. Some of the most stacked teams have been given terrible mentors, and Jared is sure to give them a perspective unlike any other. Madelyn is as good as gone but Amber and Cesar are practically guaranteed a spot in the finals. I wonder if any of the others will be joining? Don’t rule out Purple Team. They might not have brute force, but they’ll soon have the one thing the other teams don’t. Willpower.
MENTOR
Every season there comes along a select few contestants, those lucky few with the skills and guts to hack it in wilds of SotF. Sometimes these clear frontrunners don’t do nearly as well as we hope. All the gun training and parkour skills in the world can’t save you when you’re bleeding from a gut shot, half a world away. Jared Clayton was not one of those people. He was by all accounts, an early out. But Jared had the one thing his competitors didn’t count on. Willpower.
While the rest of the mentors this year are “experts” Purple Team is truly blessed to have the only mentor with legit experience. Jared Clayton came out of nowhere to win in SotF, and more importantly, he came out of the ordeal sane. With that kind of credentials, it would be beyond stupid for anyone on the Purple Team to ignore his advice. Jared has the brains and first hand knowledge to take his team far, well past the half-mark, well into the finals!
Madelyn Connor
Traits: Athletic, Anger-Issues, White Knight Syndrome, Inattentive
Weapon: Glow Sticks
Madelyn Connor has what it takes to be a true contender, if it weren’t for a few nagging details. As we all know, trust is one of the weakest traits to have in SotF. Madelyn not only has trust in spades, but she has the unfortunate “White Knight Syndrome” as well. With a poor weapon draw, I can picture her jumping into harms way early on, and getting shot well before Purple Team’s mentor can set her on the right track. Even if Jared somehow manages to rein her in, Madelyn is far too dull-witted to last. Expect her to die via trap or by her own stupidity before half. Sorry Jared, just can’t save them all.
Amber Lyons
Traits: Whore, Cunning, Bisexual, Beautiful, Weak
Weapon: Short Spear
Now this is someone Jared can put to good use! Amber is the ideal player during the opening stages of the game. She’s one to quicken the pulse, and that can definitely be used to her team’s advantage. As often as we see the age old “Black Widow” Gambit, it never fails to work. If she’s not afraid to loosen a few bra-straps, she’ll make a kill or two easy before having to revise her plan of attack. And if Amber manages to get her hands on a gun she could make it to the end under Jared’s guidance, cackling all the way off the Island.
Karen Ruiz
Traits: Loner, Cautious
Weapon: Glock
Not much to say about Karen. She appears to be a wild card! It’s impossible to say what way she’ll swing; she’s either a player or early game victim. Whatever way she goes, expect a lot of contestants going “Huh? Who’s Karen?” I’m gonna go out on a limb and predict mid game death, her gun passed on to a more useful team member.
Cesar Perdomo
Traits: Stoner, “One of Us”, Tall, Gun Experience, Follower, Friendly
Weapon: Febreeze
Poor Cesar! One of the few with actual gun experience, and he’s drawn a can of Febreeze. Best hope you run into Karen early on Cesar. Actually, your team better hope you have the guts to actually open fire! All the experience in the world can’t help you if you can’t bring yourself to end a life. I’m sure Jared knows that first hand, after his clash with Mike Martelli during his own SotF run. If anyone can bring Cesar around, it’s Purple Team’s Mentor though. If Jared succeeds, I think we can expect a somewhat guilty Cesar slinking his way into end game.
Sterling Odair
Traits: Athletic, Popular, Bisexual, Depressed, Anxiety Problems
Weapon: Hatchet
Well, in any other case I’d say Purple Team has found their on0site leader! Of course, Sterling has some issues to work out. Rather sad to see, the kid would make an excellent commander, for those willing to listen. A lot of “ifs” involved with Sterling. IF he can keep from cracking, IF he can link up with his team, IF Jared can give him good enough instructions… I can see Sterling making it to end game, but I can just as easily see him getting knocked off halfway through.
OVERALL
Jared has some work to do. His team isn’t the most heavily armed, and there will definitely be problems convincing certain members to play by his rules. Still, that doesn’t rule Purple Team out. Some of the most stacked teams have been given terrible mentors, and Jared is sure to give them a perspective unlike any other. Madelyn is as good as gone but Amber and Cesar are practically guaranteed a spot in the finals. I wonder if any of the others will be joining? Don’t rule out Purple Team. They might not have brute force, but they’ll soon have the one thing the other teams don’t. Willpower.
Red Team Analysis by Killer_Toaster
Hey, KT here for Survival of the Snarkiest. You know how it is, you're waiting for the next season to start up, and in comes Snowball (maybe I should've taken "Napoleon" as a screenname...) with an invite. What better blogger to take part in these things than the guy who won with a fucking toaster and got three kills with it before switching out, I guess. So there's a few changes this season, and thanks to good ol' MARwin (MarWIN? Gah, whatever) we've got the docs to go over. You've probably seen some of the other team evaluations, so I don't have to explain too much, though I seem to be the only one who's noticed the literal class warfare going on. I've got Red Team to start with, and it looks like they've got a pretty interesting lineup. Got the two Fs if you catch my drift: firepower and fanservice. I mean, every season seems to have at least a couple girls with pretty faces, really nice tits and often a lot to live for. Wonder if the execs pick by cup size? Either way, Red Team's ladies are definitely getting invitations to a hotel room of mine if they all make it out; failing that, I see a lot of fic comin'. Well anyway, they've got some nice weapons between them and an interesting mentor, so let's have a look. These guys could go places.
Mentor: Lieutenant Colonel Max Briggs
Ah, the military man. I feel kinda bad for him getting stuck with this lot, but maybe it'll do the team some good. The disciplined approach should make things interesting, at least, especially since he doesn't seem too fond of the team he landed with. His uber-serious nature will either help the kids or just clash badly with their outlooks and the other mentors' personalities.
Pros: The guy's a military officer; he's got experience fighting for his life and leading men and stuff. If that doesn't help these guys, nothing will; he knows how to whip a group into shape and turn 'em into a fighting force. If they listen up and actually take what he says to heart, they might have a good chance of making it.
Cons: Well, for one he expects way too much of a bunch of highschool kids. They're not going to turn into a badass commando squad overnight, and I could see him getting frustrated at their abilities. He also doesn't have the kind of familiarity with the game a lot of the other mentors bring in. That's going to trip him up, I bet, and it could bite Red Team right in the arse.
Marvia Jones
Weapon: Steyr AUG
Mmm, see what I mean about fanservice? People like Miss Jones are brought in at least partly to draw eyes to the screen, even if they're not exactly looking at her face. I certainly wouldn't be... um, yeah, depending on how things go she could be a real asset to the team. She's got the best weapon of the bunch, and if the mentor reins in that temper of hers it could do a lot of good. She's used blades, too, so get her one of those as backup and she could be pretty good combat muscle. Wouldn't trust her with a much more important role, but really, combat muscle is pretty damn important in SOTF.
Pros: She's got a damn assault rifle, for one, which gives the team a powerful advantage. Like I said, she knows how to use a blade, and did I mention the whole thing about being hot? Damn! Could say that about all three Red Team chicks though, so not gonna note it down again. If she keeps cool and sticks to that friendly side of her it could help with alliances. Overall, if guided right by the mentor there's a good chance of her being a solid member of the team.
Cons: Her temper's the main thing. If the officer can't rein her in or she explodes at the wrong time, it's gonna screw the team over big time, if not outright being a Game Over. There's also her drug dependency; this really isn't the kind of game you want to be a junkie in. If that withdrawal kicks in at the wrong time, it's going to get people killed.
Jeanette Buendia
Weapon: Switchblade
Ooh, sexy Latina chick too. She's got one of the weaker weapons, but a switchblade can still mess you up if someone gets close enough; good stealth weapon, or something for a surprise assault. Apparently she's got some brains, too, that never hurts in this kind of thing; all the firepower in the world won't help someone without the intelligence to use it. That and her resourcefulness should be helpful in the game, as long as she and the others can work together. We're going to find it boils down to that one fact for much of the team; can they actually work with each other, co-exist long enough to turn into an effective force? Bah, it was easier in my day; kill everyone that's not you. It's not gonna work as well that way for this lot.
Pros: She's got the Advantage I Will Not Name, along with intelligence and resourcefulness. That popularity should be useful, maybe it'll help cool otherwise hostile situations down a bit. Overall, decently useful team member.
Cons: Not very physically strong, which is especially disadvantageous when you've a close-quarters weapon. You've got to be like, right in someone's face with a switchblade, and I'm not sure she has the physical power for that kind of fighting. Lack of endurance is another of those game-breaking disadvantages, as is the inability to concentrate on things. If she's not careful, or the mentor doesn't pay her close attention, she's going to be the team's weak link I think. It'd be a shame if she got taken down because she was screwing around.
Jhamel Thompson
Weapon: Colt M1911A1
And here I almost forgot there were any guys on this team. I'll be honest, I like this guy. He's got the mindset for team play, a damn good gun, the determination to carry him far and the body to outlast competition. Not much good in a fistfight, and he's got a messed up idea of how to use a gun, but hopefully he'll find time to work past those issues. What I'm really concerned about is his naive mindset; while trust's a bit more important in this round than in, say, mine, I'm worried he might be talked into letting enemies go or trusting the wrong people. Then there's one of the kids with the biggest potential gone.
Pros: Excellent weapon, I mean that gun's been goin' over a hundred years and it's still better than some modern gear. Physical fitness never hurt in SOTF, nor did the kind of determination this kid's got; loyalty has got people killed before, but not this time. This time it's a good thing.
Cons: Physically fit or not, the kid's a crappy fighter with his fists or a gun. Hope he'll improve. As I said, his biggest Achilles' Heel is his naive attitude. I'd stamp that out if I were the mentor... which I'm not. Shit.
Daniel Renard
Weapon: GPS
Sweet! The GPS is always a damn nice pick, though a bit less useful when you've got allies to deal with. After all, it doesn't exactly tell you if the blip approaching is friend or foe, does it? He's smart and fast, but not much to look at physically. It's good he can keep a good attitude, but what good's that gonna do you if you can't fight your way out of a bad situation? There's no middle ground about this kid; either he'll get far as team support and a scout, or he'll crash and burn. I hope it's the former, really; that kind of thing'd be vital for a team scout if they learn to use it right.
Pros: He's got "street smarts" as the profile calls it, and the GPS is always a vital advantage. Not a game-winner on its own, but a huge leg up. Being good at running and hiding doesn't sound fun, but half the fight is getting away from trouble, trust me. Know when to fold 'em and all that, and this guy will focus on speed and stealth if he's smart. Which he is, apparently. Another one with the right mindset for the game, too.
Cons: Weak and unhealthy, he's not gonna stand a chance in a standup fight, especially as he's pretty much unarmed as far as offensive weaponry goes. He'll have to either scrounge something up or rely on the team for protection. If he picks the wrong time to be cocky, it'll either alienate people or earn him a bullet for his trouble, then there goes a potential asset for the whole group.
Mikaela Warner
Weapon: Shuriken x4
Now there's a useless weapon unless you've been trained to use it, but that's not this one's speciality in the team anyway. Looks like we've got a full-blown aspiring doctor instead of just another hottie, and if she finds something better to defend herself with or her team keeps her covered, they'll find themselves the only one with an actual medic around. Honestly this one was probably luck, but see what I said earlier about having a pretty face, nice tits and a lot of reason to live? She's got the whole package there, and it might be part of what makes the difference. Eye candy for the people at home, loyalty and medical skill for her allies, especially since she's in shape, too. Still, hope she's got a good bra; in shape or no, running around the island with a pair of E-cups bouncing around would be - heh! - murder. ...Why do I see Mikaela/Marvia fics somewhere down the line, though?
Pros: High intelligence should be to the team's benefit, along with her physical fitness and medical knowledge. With so much to live for, I don't see her being the type to let something like SOTF-TV stop her, and I'll keep saying this until people get it: at least half the game is mental, not physical, strength. Knowledge, determination, wits, the very attitude you carry yourself. If you're not afraid to run when the time calls for it, that can come in handy too. The drive to see things through and the knowledge to help her teammates should make her a good member.
Cons: Another one with no fighting ability, and she's not got a lot of upper-body strength. Her weapon is, bluntly, kinda useless; I've tried throwing knife stuff before, and half the time the goddamn things don't even go where you want 'em to. Or don't hit blade-first. She's not gonna do a lot of good when the bullets are flying, and I can see that trusting nature coming back to bite her. It always happens at least once in this game. Speaking of games, looks like we've got one that doesn't watch! A lack of genre-savvy is never good, but this time it might be the death of her.
Overall
I've said a good bit about Red Team, but they could really go either way. If they actually stick together and learn to work as one, I could see them getting far or maybe even taking this, but at the same time there's a good chance of it all crashing down. Life is never predictable, not even in SOTF-TV, and while all the pieces are there for this team to do well, the question's if they'll utilise 'em at all. I'll be keeping an eye out, either way.
Mentor: Lieutenant Colonel Max Briggs
Ah, the military man. I feel kinda bad for him getting stuck with this lot, but maybe it'll do the team some good. The disciplined approach should make things interesting, at least, especially since he doesn't seem too fond of the team he landed with. His uber-serious nature will either help the kids or just clash badly with their outlooks and the other mentors' personalities.
Pros: The guy's a military officer; he's got experience fighting for his life and leading men and stuff. If that doesn't help these guys, nothing will; he knows how to whip a group into shape and turn 'em into a fighting force. If they listen up and actually take what he says to heart, they might have a good chance of making it.
Cons: Well, for one he expects way too much of a bunch of highschool kids. They're not going to turn into a badass commando squad overnight, and I could see him getting frustrated at their abilities. He also doesn't have the kind of familiarity with the game a lot of the other mentors bring in. That's going to trip him up, I bet, and it could bite Red Team right in the arse.
Marvia Jones
Weapon: Steyr AUG
Mmm, see what I mean about fanservice? People like Miss Jones are brought in at least partly to draw eyes to the screen, even if they're not exactly looking at her face. I certainly wouldn't be... um, yeah, depending on how things go she could be a real asset to the team. She's got the best weapon of the bunch, and if the mentor reins in that temper of hers it could do a lot of good. She's used blades, too, so get her one of those as backup and she could be pretty good combat muscle. Wouldn't trust her with a much more important role, but really, combat muscle is pretty damn important in SOTF.
Pros: She's got a damn assault rifle, for one, which gives the team a powerful advantage. Like I said, she knows how to use a blade, and did I mention the whole thing about being hot? Damn! Could say that about all three Red Team chicks though, so not gonna note it down again. If she keeps cool and sticks to that friendly side of her it could help with alliances. Overall, if guided right by the mentor there's a good chance of her being a solid member of the team.
Cons: Her temper's the main thing. If the officer can't rein her in or she explodes at the wrong time, it's gonna screw the team over big time, if not outright being a Game Over. There's also her drug dependency; this really isn't the kind of game you want to be a junkie in. If that withdrawal kicks in at the wrong time, it's going to get people killed.
Jeanette Buendia
Weapon: Switchblade
Ooh, sexy Latina chick too. She's got one of the weaker weapons, but a switchblade can still mess you up if someone gets close enough; good stealth weapon, or something for a surprise assault. Apparently she's got some brains, too, that never hurts in this kind of thing; all the firepower in the world won't help someone without the intelligence to use it. That and her resourcefulness should be helpful in the game, as long as she and the others can work together. We're going to find it boils down to that one fact for much of the team; can they actually work with each other, co-exist long enough to turn into an effective force? Bah, it was easier in my day; kill everyone that's not you. It's not gonna work as well that way for this lot.
Pros: She's got the Advantage I Will Not Name, along with intelligence and resourcefulness. That popularity should be useful, maybe it'll help cool otherwise hostile situations down a bit. Overall, decently useful team member.
Cons: Not very physically strong, which is especially disadvantageous when you've a close-quarters weapon. You've got to be like, right in someone's face with a switchblade, and I'm not sure she has the physical power for that kind of fighting. Lack of endurance is another of those game-breaking disadvantages, as is the inability to concentrate on things. If she's not careful, or the mentor doesn't pay her close attention, she's going to be the team's weak link I think. It'd be a shame if she got taken down because she was screwing around.
Jhamel Thompson
Weapon: Colt M1911A1
And here I almost forgot there were any guys on this team. I'll be honest, I like this guy. He's got the mindset for team play, a damn good gun, the determination to carry him far and the body to outlast competition. Not much good in a fistfight, and he's got a messed up idea of how to use a gun, but hopefully he'll find time to work past those issues. What I'm really concerned about is his naive mindset; while trust's a bit more important in this round than in, say, mine, I'm worried he might be talked into letting enemies go or trusting the wrong people. Then there's one of the kids with the biggest potential gone.
Pros: Excellent weapon, I mean that gun's been goin' over a hundred years and it's still better than some modern gear. Physical fitness never hurt in SOTF, nor did the kind of determination this kid's got; loyalty has got people killed before, but not this time. This time it's a good thing.
Cons: Physically fit or not, the kid's a crappy fighter with his fists or a gun. Hope he'll improve. As I said, his biggest Achilles' Heel is his naive attitude. I'd stamp that out if I were the mentor... which I'm not. Shit.
Daniel Renard
Weapon: GPS
Sweet! The GPS is always a damn nice pick, though a bit less useful when you've got allies to deal with. After all, it doesn't exactly tell you if the blip approaching is friend or foe, does it? He's smart and fast, but not much to look at physically. It's good he can keep a good attitude, but what good's that gonna do you if you can't fight your way out of a bad situation? There's no middle ground about this kid; either he'll get far as team support and a scout, or he'll crash and burn. I hope it's the former, really; that kind of thing'd be vital for a team scout if they learn to use it right.
Pros: He's got "street smarts" as the profile calls it, and the GPS is always a vital advantage. Not a game-winner on its own, but a huge leg up. Being good at running and hiding doesn't sound fun, but half the fight is getting away from trouble, trust me. Know when to fold 'em and all that, and this guy will focus on speed and stealth if he's smart. Which he is, apparently. Another one with the right mindset for the game, too.
Cons: Weak and unhealthy, he's not gonna stand a chance in a standup fight, especially as he's pretty much unarmed as far as offensive weaponry goes. He'll have to either scrounge something up or rely on the team for protection. If he picks the wrong time to be cocky, it'll either alienate people or earn him a bullet for his trouble, then there goes a potential asset for the whole group.
Mikaela Warner
Weapon: Shuriken x4
Now there's a useless weapon unless you've been trained to use it, but that's not this one's speciality in the team anyway. Looks like we've got a full-blown aspiring doctor instead of just another hottie, and if she finds something better to defend herself with or her team keeps her covered, they'll find themselves the only one with an actual medic around. Honestly this one was probably luck, but see what I said earlier about having a pretty face, nice tits and a lot of reason to live? She's got the whole package there, and it might be part of what makes the difference. Eye candy for the people at home, loyalty and medical skill for her allies, especially since she's in shape, too. Still, hope she's got a good bra; in shape or no, running around the island with a pair of E-cups bouncing around would be - heh! - murder. ...Why do I see Mikaela/Marvia fics somewhere down the line, though?
Pros: High intelligence should be to the team's benefit, along with her physical fitness and medical knowledge. With so much to live for, I don't see her being the type to let something like SOTF-TV stop her, and I'll keep saying this until people get it: at least half the game is mental, not physical, strength. Knowledge, determination, wits, the very attitude you carry yourself. If you're not afraid to run when the time calls for it, that can come in handy too. The drive to see things through and the knowledge to help her teammates should make her a good member.
Cons: Another one with no fighting ability, and she's not got a lot of upper-body strength. Her weapon is, bluntly, kinda useless; I've tried throwing knife stuff before, and half the time the goddamn things don't even go where you want 'em to. Or don't hit blade-first. She's not gonna do a lot of good when the bullets are flying, and I can see that trusting nature coming back to bite her. It always happens at least once in this game. Speaking of games, looks like we've got one that doesn't watch! A lack of genre-savvy is never good, but this time it might be the death of her.
Overall
I've said a good bit about Red Team, but they could really go either way. If they actually stick together and learn to work as one, I could see them getting far or maybe even taking this, but at the same time there's a good chance of it all crashing down. Life is never predictable, not even in SOTF-TV, and while all the pieces are there for this team to do well, the question's if they'll utilise 'em at all. I'll be keeping an eye out, either way.
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