RESORT BEACH:
There is a very long, but still exciting footage, spread out into several episodes already in a saga like form, entitled "Time to Pretend" that we'll break down in a later blog. There's just too much to say about that right now. Basically Gold Team is using the location of one merchandise shack on the beach as a base of operations, sending members of the team and other allies out on 'quests' with others staying in 'the castle' to keep watch. Recently they've been infiltrated by an attacking Panya Bishara, but with the help of Michael Clark, Gold's Alicia White and Mae St. Clair fought back.
Another Segment "We are the Dead" Showed Odile Jones brutally murder both Holly Herchenroder and Jack Lemmon. It was a particularly graphic and disturbing scene, with Odile looking like she was putting on a show for the viewers and enjoying every minute of it. She even stomped on the girl viciously at one point and the disposing of the bodies - wow.
Then there was also "Finders Keepers" where Vincent Sullivan clobbered fail contestant Glen Bole, taking his walkie talkies and then forming an alliance with Orange team mate, Tiffany Dexter. Tiffany plans to organize their team into an army and take down all opponents. That would have been interesting to see, too bad it was short lived.
Star of the Scene: Odile Jones gets the prize again. That was a bloody fantastic show. I also MUST give credit to fairy girl, Alicia White for making "Time to Pretend" seem like an epic fantasy world story. Fairies? Elves? Ogres? Healers? and my favorite... Sluagh. Her jargon is quite amusing!
THE GEYSER:
Let's see Sean Davidson gets beaten up by Bobby Goldman, which was humorous and then Ferric Tam gets abandoned by his team mate Brennan, which was also quite humorous. Ferric's rant as Brennan walking off was also some great comic relief, what with the 'wah wah wah' sound effect they added in!
Currently "Foreshadowing/Hindsights" is the the episode located there. Jacob Langston, Madelyn Conner and Mikaela Warner are looking for runaway Marion Clayton, but give up on their search. They seemingly make plans for escape. I'm not sure if they can pull it off, but escapes are always exciting.
Star of the Scene: Not much has happened yet, so we'll hold off on this for now.
Showing posts with label Panya Bishara. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Panya Bishara. Show all posts
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Comrade_Snowball's Game Recap #2
Well here it is Ladies and Gentlemen, you’ve waited patiently, and Karen Ruiz has finally delivered! Anthony Rollins is the first cast member to clock out this season, the very first kill of Season 65! And boy what a kill it was. I’ll admit it, I didn’t see this kill coming. The group Anthony was rolling with (Pardon the pun) was very tight. Sterling and Amber were allied with Karen, and I hadn’t expected her to open fire, especially after Amber’s tirade.
I’m sad to see Anthony go. But regardless, his death has certainly left quite an impression on the game. Pink Team was never the strongest team, but they ranked at least Mid-Tier. But now with the loss of Anthony (and the continued stupidity of Jonas, Glen and Ben) they’re looking to be an early out.
Anthony wasn’t the only victim. Karen Ruiz managed to inflict quite the nasty wound to resident lunatic Ali White, blowing a finger clean off. It was a lucky shot that is sure to plague her until her inevitable demise. So far this Season has been rather lax on injuries, again, many people are decrying the slow start, but I’m thinking the exact opposite. Getting to know these characters makes the wounds and the death all the more shocking, and all the more brutal. I know I jumped when Ali was attacked. She’s a loony, (even BEFORE SotF: TV) but she is one of the fan favourites, and I myself have grown particularly fond of watching her exploits.
Speaking of fan favourites, take a look over at the tag list on the sidebar. As you can no doubt see, we’ve got a few notable names already in Season 65. The power trio of Shawn, Mae, and Zach have kept the shipping and fan fiction sections of the forum busy as hell, and it isn’t hard to see why. Interesting to note here, while ShawnxMae is wildly regarded as the better of the pairings, at least in the public eye, a quick look around any SotF fansite will reveal QUITE a lot of ZachxMae shippers on the net. Why is this? I don’t mean to offend here, but I sense some serious wish fulfillment going on.
Zach is the ultimate White Knight, and judging from the pre-game footage gathered he’s been harbouring a major crush on Mae for months, maybe years. Mae St. Clair is, to be blunt, beautiful. She’s witty and nice, and more importantly for the fans out there, she talks to Zach, the social challenged boy that he is, and even MORE importantly, she treats him with respect. When SotF was in the early stages, it first caught hold on the internet; the chans and the “nerd” demographic took hold of it and made it their own. This was their show, their chance to dream. What would it be like to kill your enemies, kill anyone who’s ever hated you? It’s one of the things so appealing about SotF: TV, the revenge and the righteous anger dealt out with no penalty. Zach has been aptly dubbed “The Love Martyr”, and he’s one of us. Anyone who’s ever fallen head over heels in love, everyone in the dark corners of the net who’ve been picked on and persecuted, they’re in Zach’s corner. When you think about it, we’ve all got a little bit of Zach in us. While you might not hear him talked about much in public rest assured, he’s a fan favourite. It’s too early to declare him my favourite, but he ranks up with Ali as a definite favourite, at least for me.
But she did anyways, prompting thousands upon thousands of pages of discussion on the official SotF Fan Forums. The twittersphere has been on fire; #KarenRuiz has topped the hashtag list for at least the past three days since the footage went live. People all around the country have been asking, just what is she playing at? Is Karen off her rocker like “Reverand” Smythe? Or is she simply thinking ahead? Could she be going after the ten kills?
I’m sad to see Anthony go. But regardless, his death has certainly left quite an impression on the game. Pink Team was never the strongest team, but they ranked at least Mid-Tier. But now with the loss of Anthony (and the continued stupidity of Jonas, Glen and Ben) they’re looking to be an early out.
Anthony wasn’t the only victim. Karen Ruiz managed to inflict quite the nasty wound to resident lunatic Ali White, blowing a finger clean off. It was a lucky shot that is sure to plague her until her inevitable demise. So far this Season has been rather lax on injuries, again, many people are decrying the slow start, but I’m thinking the exact opposite. Getting to know these characters makes the wounds and the death all the more shocking, and all the more brutal. I know I jumped when Ali was attacked. She’s a loony, (even BEFORE SotF: TV) but she is one of the fan favourites, and I myself have grown particularly fond of watching her exploits.
Speaking of fan favourites, take a look over at the tag list on the sidebar. As you can no doubt see, we’ve got a few notable names already in Season 65. The power trio of Shawn, Mae, and Zach have kept the shipping and fan fiction sections of the forum busy as hell, and it isn’t hard to see why. Interesting to note here, while ShawnxMae is wildly regarded as the better of the pairings, at least in the public eye, a quick look around any SotF fansite will reveal QUITE a lot of ZachxMae shippers on the net. Why is this? I don’t mean to offend here, but I sense some serious wish fulfillment going on.
Zach is the ultimate White Knight, and judging from the pre-game footage gathered he’s been harbouring a major crush on Mae for months, maybe years. Mae St. Clair is, to be blunt, beautiful. She’s witty and nice, and more importantly for the fans out there, she talks to Zach, the social challenged boy that he is, and even MORE importantly, she treats him with respect. When SotF was in the early stages, it first caught hold on the internet; the chans and the “nerd” demographic took hold of it and made it their own. This was their show, their chance to dream. What would it be like to kill your enemies, kill anyone who’s ever hated you? It’s one of the things so appealing about SotF: TV, the revenge and the righteous anger dealt out with no penalty. Zach has been aptly dubbed “The Love Martyr”, and he’s one of us. Anyone who’s ever fallen head over heels in love, everyone in the dark corners of the net who’ve been picked on and persecuted, they’re in Zach’s corner. When you think about it, we’ve all got a little bit of Zach in us. While you might not hear him talked about much in public rest assured, he’s a fan favourite. It’s too early to declare him my favourite, but he ranks up with Ali as a definite favourite, at least for me.
As you can see from the tags, other popular students include Marvia Jones, Panya Bishara and Sidney Rice. It’d rather obvious as to why; Marvia’s sex scene has easily been the most overplayed clip this season. Panya Bishara is another hottie, and Sidney has spent her game thus far bouncing around in a bunny costume. Ahhh fan service.
Little note on Marvia and Sidney here. While Panya has remained mostly neutral at this point (Debate is still raging on whether she is playing or not). Marvia has clearly shown she’s got a villainous streak going, beating on Nate Chauncey, stealing her things and then allying with the clearly insane Harold Smythe. (Who might win the record for fastest mental breakdown in SotF: TV, ever!) Sidney likewise, is clearly playing from her actions on the cruise ship. Often times on SotF we find girls who try to strike that ever so desired “Femme Fatale” status, utilizing looks and violence in equal measure to win the game. It’s never been truly achieved, although many have gotten close. Could this be their strategy?
Looks like we’ll have to stay tuned to find out!
I thank you once more for your continued reading! Feel free to voice your opinion down in the comments! This is Comrade_Snowball, signing off!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Survival of the Best Dressed...
Our latests poll results have closed, and viewers have weighed in!
This week, we decided to ask you a rather humorous question, "Who's got the best threads?" Fan Service costumes have been a staple for SotF since early seasons, and we always get a few students who decide to suit up. This year it's no different, at this stage in the game no less then 7 students have worn their new duds, and it is truly a sight to behold. From Hula Girls to Geisha's, the cast of Season 65 have been giving us quite a few laughs in between the action.
Now, on to the results!
1) Panya Bishara - 28%
2) Sidney Rice - 21%
3) Jeanette Buendia - 14%
4) Shawn Morrison - 12%
5) Mae St. Clair - 10%
6) Nate Chauncey - 7%
7) Bob Lazenby - 5%
Panya and Sidney blew the competition away, Panya with her adorable (and oddly attractive) Smokey the Bear duds, and Sidney in her Playboy Bunny costume!
Not much to analysis about these poll results, but thanks anyway for everyone who voted! Another will be up soon.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
"The Camwhore Curse"
The latest poll results have just finished up here on Survival of the Snarkiest! Many thanks to all our voters. And now, for the results!
1) Jeanette Buendia
2) Marvia Jones
3) Mae St. Clair
3) Timothy Walker
3) Panya Bishara
4) Bobby Goldman
4) Glen Bole
4) Harold Smythe
4) Nate Chauncey
5) Sidney Cole
Unlike last time, our results were pretty clear. Jeanette and Marvia quickly shot to the top of the poll. Jeanette via her beach striptease and hula wearing adventures, Marvia for the now infamous "Drug-Sex" scene with Nate Chauncey. Although Marvia put up a fight, Jeanette managed to extend an early lead and come out victorious.
Interesting to note the low ranking of all the males. Yes, it's true that "Camwhore" mainly refers to fan service, but I'd make an argument that Timothy Walker's camera talk makes him far more guilty of "Camwhore" behavior then most, and out of all those tied for third place I personally believe he deserved to medal.
Now, many were opposed to running such a poll so early in the competition, but there were several reasons for this, most importantly the often mentioned "Camwhore Curse". A trend noticed on several reputable SotF blogs (Notably MarWIN's) shows most if not all students displaying "Camwhore" tendencies die out well before the halfway point. In a game like SotF there is no room for mistakes, and those who are intent on hogging screen time often make critical errors.
Time to weigh in on the matter SotF fans. Does this Poll speak truth? Are the front runners doomed to die? Any likely subversions? Comment below!
Friday, April 29, 2011
The Starties! [Hosted by SickKitty] (Part 1)
That's right bitches, ho's, and the socially depraved, it's time for everyone's favorite award show, The Starties! Who will take home the wonderful prize of my foot of their ass, who will go home disappointed, who will go down in history as the most wonderfully pathetic? All your answers, right here, right now! So let's go!
The Golden Ass Award for "stupidest start" goes to Ali White who, despite being warned vocally about this, still managed to forget to put on her bandana and nearly got herself blown up. Great work Ali, you almost went down in history as the Queen of the Darwin Deaths, but instead you scrape by to annoy me another week. I hope you're fucking happy.
The Raped With a Coat Hanger Prize for "most creepily disturbed start" goes to Lesbian Bench Sex! Marvia Jones date raped Nate Chauncey for reasons I don't entirely understand, nor really want too! All I know is that it wasn't very sexy, was horrendously creepy, and may have officially ruined sex for me forever.
Oh wait that's not possible. Well, you almost did it girls. Close enough.
The Backwards Ball Cap Award for "most hilariously bad at being down with the homies" goes to Todd Hudson for being whiter than Max in the middle of winter. You did good kid. Make your white-ass Texas parents proud. Dag straight yo, right up tripping in this bitch, wheezy, ya hear ho? You HEAR?
Up next is the Fire In My Heart Award for "starting a forest fire deep within me" which goes to Panya Bishara, for being the only person on the island responsible enough to know that she can prevent wildfires. You go girl. You go and you spread your message. (And also your legs, you pretty thang you.)
The Golden Ass Award for "stupidest start" goes to Ali White who, despite being warned vocally about this, still managed to forget to put on her bandana and nearly got herself blown up. Great work Ali, you almost went down in history as the Queen of the Darwin Deaths, but instead you scrape by to annoy me another week. I hope you're fucking happy.
The Raped With a Coat Hanger Prize for "most creepily disturbed start" goes to Lesbian Bench Sex! Marvia Jones date raped Nate Chauncey for reasons I don't entirely understand, nor really want too! All I know is that it wasn't very sexy, was horrendously creepy, and may have officially ruined sex for me forever.
Oh wait that's not possible. Well, you almost did it girls. Close enough.
The Backwards Ball Cap Award for "most hilariously bad at being down with the homies" goes to Todd Hudson for being whiter than Max in the middle of winter. You did good kid. Make your white-ass Texas parents proud. Dag straight yo, right up tripping in this bitch, wheezy, ya hear ho? You HEAR?
Up next is the Fire In My Heart Award for "starting a forest fire deep within me" which goes to Panya Bishara, for being the only person on the island responsible enough to know that she can prevent wildfires. You go girl. You go and you spread your message. (And also your legs, you pretty thang you.)
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Ajax's Fanservice Five
Hello again Gentelmen, Lesbians and *Gasp* Is that a straight girl I see?
No? No. Damn.
Well, Seeing as I am the only member who doesn’t either A) have a wife/girlfriend, so has never wanted another girl sexually in the history of his life, Or, B) A stick up his arse the size of Texas, It falls to me to give Y’all the lowdown on the babes of this season.
That’s right fellas, it’s the:
Fanservice 5. MK2
Right, dropping in at number 5, is Mae St. Clair. I know a few of you might be in disagreement here, given her rather thin, athletic figure. And the B-Cup associated with it. However, she – as her (Sadly short lived, fuck you Shawn and Zach) Geisha costume showed – knows how to accentuate it perfectly.
Pros: Ballerina, so flexible She’s also very rich and pretty dominant, so if you like Fem-Dom, she’s your girl.
Cons: At the centre of a goddamn Love Triangle, also, incredibly cold. Like, if you fucked her, you’d probably get frostbite cold. Also, probably a holder of her V-card.
Stepping up to the deck at 4th place, is Jeanette Buendia. She is another of the smaller competitors, filling up another B-Cup. You know, I’d think that one of the producers had a smalltit fetish, but, well, its more than counteracted. Also, in a side note, her face is so cute! I almost went weeaboo there and did the thing with the K, a, w and a buttload of I’s. Its that cute.
Pros: Unlike our above contender, has plenty of experience. Also, she was quite good with that little stripdance into a hula girl costume. Has she had more… Professional training? Ahh, I kid y’all again, but it was damn hot.
Cons: Is probably completely insane. I mean, who does a stripdance, for the camerals, on national television, then sunbathes? ON AN ISLAND FULL OF MURDERERS? Girls got a screw loose. Not that I’m complaining.
Coming down to scoop the bronze is none other than Eloise Winterburn, who has the nicest D-Cups I’ve seen in a while, and has a very high class look. Trust me, I know how the upper classes look, and she is bang on that. I’ve gotta say, I love it.
Pros: BISEXUAL *Ahem* Sorry ‘bout that, but if you get her and No.2 in a room and take pictures, I would love you forever. Also, as with all the SDA students, More money than sense.
Cons: That scowl. I’m sorry, but a cute smile just makes a girl for me, and she just refuses to do it.
Second place goes to Amber Lyons. If you need to ask why, you are probably either a girl, or a gay guy. Or blind. She’s another pint sized pretty, her pert little body-
Sorry, slipped into Fanfic mode there. And… Yup, thats yet another FBI watchlist for me! Yaaaaaay!
Pros: BISEX- Oh, wait, I already did that gag, didn’t I? Shoot. I’m sorry, but that video is amazing.
Cons: … Um… No.
Finnaly, swooping in to take Pirate gold is Ms. Panya. Arguably this is predictable, but really? Can you blame me? This is the girl walking around in a furry costume! (Not a fan of Smokey myself, more of a Nekomimi fan personally, but I’ll take it where I can)
Cannot… Comprehend… Hotness…
Pros: Launcher of a thousand ships. With good reason.
Cons: Apart from being rather firmly in the “Out of my league” department, none.
Honourable mentions to… Just about every girl. Seriously.
So, let me know who your top 5 are (Guys and gals) in the comments!
No? No. Damn.
Well, Seeing as I am the only member who doesn’t either A) have a wife/girlfriend, so has never wanted another girl sexually in the history of his life, Or, B) A stick up his arse the size of Texas, It falls to me to give Y’all the lowdown on the babes of this season.
That’s right fellas, it’s the:
Fanservice 5. MK2
Right, dropping in at number 5, is Mae St. Clair. I know a few of you might be in disagreement here, given her rather thin, athletic figure. And the B-Cup associated with it. However, she – as her (Sadly short lived, fuck you Shawn and Zach) Geisha costume showed – knows how to accentuate it perfectly.
Pros: Ballerina, so flexible She’s also very rich and pretty dominant, so if you like Fem-Dom, she’s your girl.
Cons: At the centre of a goddamn Love Triangle, also, incredibly cold. Like, if you fucked her, you’d probably get frostbite cold. Also, probably a holder of her V-card.
Stepping up to the deck at 4th place, is Jeanette Buendia. She is another of the smaller competitors, filling up another B-Cup. You know, I’d think that one of the producers had a smalltit fetish, but, well, its more than counteracted. Also, in a side note, her face is so cute! I almost went weeaboo there and did the thing with the K, a, w and a buttload of I’s. Its that cute.
Pros: Unlike our above contender, has plenty of experience. Also, she was quite good with that little stripdance into a hula girl costume. Has she had more… Professional training? Ahh, I kid y’all again, but it was damn hot.
Cons: Is probably completely insane. I mean, who does a stripdance, for the camerals, on national television, then sunbathes? ON AN ISLAND FULL OF MURDERERS? Girls got a screw loose. Not that I’m complaining.
Coming down to scoop the bronze is none other than Eloise Winterburn, who has the nicest D-Cups I’ve seen in a while, and has a very high class look. Trust me, I know how the upper classes look, and she is bang on that. I’ve gotta say, I love it.
Pros: BISEXUAL *Ahem* Sorry ‘bout that, but if you get her and No.2 in a room and take pictures, I would love you forever. Also, as with all the SDA students, More money than sense.
Cons: That scowl. I’m sorry, but a cute smile just makes a girl for me, and she just refuses to do it.
Second place goes to Amber Lyons. If you need to ask why, you are probably either a girl, or a gay guy. Or blind. She’s another pint sized pretty, her pert little body-
Sorry, slipped into Fanfic mode there. And… Yup, thats yet another FBI watchlist for me! Yaaaaaay!
Pros: BISEX- Oh, wait, I already did that gag, didn’t I? Shoot. I’m sorry, but that video is amazing.
Cons: … Um… No.
Finnaly, swooping in to take Pirate gold is Ms. Panya. Arguably this is predictable, but really? Can you blame me? This is the girl walking around in a furry costume! (Not a fan of Smokey myself, more of a Nekomimi fan personally, but I’ll take it where I can)
Cannot… Comprehend… Hotness…
Pros: Launcher of a thousand ships. With good reason.
Cons: Apart from being rather firmly in the “Out of my league” department, none.
Honourable mentions to… Just about every girl. Seriously.
So, let me know who your top 5 are (Guys and gals) in the comments!
Friday, April 22, 2011
Comrade_Snowball's Game Recap #1 Stray Observations
Stray Observations
Idiotic players weren’t the only thing I noticed. Take a look at some of the other things that’ve caught my attention!
- Marvia Jones and Natalie Chauncey – you knew I was bound to mention this scene; it’s one for the highlight reel. Sex scenes are always common, but sex on ecstasy? Marvia propelled her popularity into the stratosphere with that choice. She’s unleashed a torrent of fanfics, pairing her with everyone from Jared Clayton to Alicia White! I’m quite sure no one expected the ending to that. Natalie won’t die from not wearing a bandanna, but she’s definitely going to have some problems linking with her team, what with Marvia now impersonating her. Marvia, definitely a late-gamer and one to watch.
- As I’ve noted before, the weaker teams are clearly becoming visible. Black Team and Grey Team have had several early game bumps, and Green Team still has that mentor handicap to get over.
- Bobby Goldman and Axel Stadler have proven to be quite brilliant strategists, displaying a knack for creative thinking when it comes to scavenging for supplies and making due with what they have. I expect a real fight from them.
- Sidney Rice, Timothy Walker and Karen Ruiz have established themselves as early game players. Not sure what exactly Jonas Jeffries plan is, (his actions are a little too bizarre and I can’t peg him down as a villain or not) but it is fairly obvious from Sidney’s behaviour she was looking for a kill on Joshua Doyle. I didn’t expect Karen Ruiz to swing toward murder quite so fast, if at all. Definitely a bonus to the Purple Team, one I did not count on initially.
- Timothy Walker is proving to be an absolute joy to watch, and a natural on camera. So many students forget the cameras’ are there, but following him it seems like everything is one big joke, and the viewer is the only one in on it. Aside from him of course. Pure gold, that kid.
- I was pleased to see some students actually showing an appreciation for their costumes. Mae St. Clair in full Kimono was a sight for the ages, (as was her stripping shortly after) and Sidney and Panya Bishara look to have no intention of ditching their respective costumes.
- Alicia White has proven to be quite the spacey one, nearly getting her head blown off after forgetting to affix her bandanna. Really? Liability if I ever saw one.
- Some students have been noticeably absent so far. Lost in the jungle perhaps?
That’s all for now folks. Stay tuned to Survival of the Snarkiest for more coverage!
Idiotic players weren’t the only thing I noticed. Take a look at some of the other things that’ve caught my attention!
- Marvia Jones and Natalie Chauncey – you knew I was bound to mention this scene; it’s one for the highlight reel. Sex scenes are always common, but sex on ecstasy? Marvia propelled her popularity into the stratosphere with that choice. She’s unleashed a torrent of fanfics, pairing her with everyone from Jared Clayton to Alicia White! I’m quite sure no one expected the ending to that. Natalie won’t die from not wearing a bandanna, but she’s definitely going to have some problems linking with her team, what with Marvia now impersonating her. Marvia, definitely a late-gamer and one to watch.
- As I’ve noted before, the weaker teams are clearly becoming visible. Black Team and Grey Team have had several early game bumps, and Green Team still has that mentor handicap to get over.
- Bobby Goldman and Axel Stadler have proven to be quite brilliant strategists, displaying a knack for creative thinking when it comes to scavenging for supplies and making due with what they have. I expect a real fight from them.
- Sidney Rice, Timothy Walker and Karen Ruiz have established themselves as early game players. Not sure what exactly Jonas Jeffries plan is, (his actions are a little too bizarre and I can’t peg him down as a villain or not) but it is fairly obvious from Sidney’s behaviour she was looking for a kill on Joshua Doyle. I didn’t expect Karen Ruiz to swing toward murder quite so fast, if at all. Definitely a bonus to the Purple Team, one I did not count on initially.
- Timothy Walker is proving to be an absolute joy to watch, and a natural on camera. So many students forget the cameras’ are there, but following him it seems like everything is one big joke, and the viewer is the only one in on it. Aside from him of course. Pure gold, that kid.
- I was pleased to see some students actually showing an appreciation for their costumes. Mae St. Clair in full Kimono was a sight for the ages, (as was her stripping shortly after) and Sidney and Panya Bishara look to have no intention of ditching their respective costumes.
- Alicia White has proven to be quite the spacey one, nearly getting her head blown off after forgetting to affix her bandanna. Really? Liability if I ever saw one.
- Some students have been noticeably absent so far. Lost in the jungle perhaps?
That’s all for now folks. Stay tuned to Survival of the Snarkiest for more coverage!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Black Team Analysis by MidnightQ
BEGIN TRANSMISSION:
Greetings readers,
It has come to my attention that the much-awaited event is upon us. That event, of course, is the next season of SOTF-TV. For the uneducated among you, I am MidnightQ. Those who know me from my solo writing projects, feel free to stir up discussion on how I’ve ‘abased myself concerning the interests of the lowest common denominator yet again’. Those of you of who do not, know that I am as much of an avid fan of SOTF as the rest of you. Comrdade_Snowball has asked me to offer my insight on the new players, and I have accepted the offer. Now then, I do believe it is time to bring a bit more intellectual criticism to the current season.
I have in my possession a leaked copy of the team roster. Yes, the ‘secret surprise’ is the formation of teams. This far into the lifetime of the game, I should have expected no less. In particular, I have a copy of the Black Team roster. Black Team’s insignia is a white skull. I find this rather amusing. A symbol surely meant to inspire fear into the hearts of their enemies will instead end up as a symbol for their inevitable end. Black Team does not consist of winners. Of that you can all be sure. However, this does not necessarily mean that they are incapable of victory. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by such types of contestants before. I do hope that the members of Black Team do not disappoint.
On to the analysis.
THE MENTOR
I must say I find it hilariously cruel that none other than Pete Finch himself will be mentoring the team. I’m sure you all remember Mr. Finch. The many little jabs taken at him all over the Internet, including this very site, surely indicate such. Well, it seems he’s been given a chance to redeem himself after his incredibly inept blunder back when SOTF was first proposed. The more than superficially interested fans of the show may recall that he was initially propositioned to host it. Of course, he turned it down. Honestly sometimes I do wonder how it would have turned out with him at the forefront. Would it have been the SOTF we all know and love? Or would it have an unrecognizable failure of the worst sort that would have been cancelled and dropped quicker than Mr. Finch’s other ventures back into the world of TV? I’m inclined to think the latter.
Regardless of his personal performance, the matter at hand is whether or not he’ll be any good for the team. I have a definitive answer for that. The answer is no. I made it quite clear that Black Team isn’t made to win, and this choice of a mentor only cements that fact. What good can Mr. Finch possibly bring to the team? Nothing, that is what he brings. He has nothing useful to offer concerning the survival of the members, the strategy of the game, or the leadership skills to guide them to victory as unlikely as that is for them. In summation: he is quite possibly the worst mentor possible to be assigned to the team. This may seem a harsh conclusion. I assure you, the game will be harsher. And this setup will not help.
THE STUDENTS
BLK1: Bob Lazenby
Bob seems to be an average boy. He is of average height, is slightly out-of-shape, and is not particularly attractive. But on average, a contestant’s body type has very little effect on how well they play the game. That depends mostly on the contestant’s mental fortitude. Mr. Lazenby has been assigned a Laser Pointer. Another ‘joke’ weapon, which I am inclined to believe thanks to the frequency that they are assigned to ‘hopeless loser’ candidates, means the producers themselves have no illusions of what’s going to happen to poor Bob. (Hopeless loser being the words of a highly respected fan blog, not mine. You know the one.) So, the weapon given to him will certainly not help his mental state. My prediction for him is as follows: he will die early; most likely one of, if not the first to die. A sad outcome for Bob, an inevitably of life for everyone else, and a convincing argument that there is no meaning to life.
For what meaning does this cold existence have when a child who has no outstanding qualities whatsoever is thrown into a gladiatorial death match for the amusement of his peers, all of them knowing full well he will never make it? It is almost enough to make me cry. Well, actually that was a lie but I want to feel sorry for the poor boy.
BLK2: Natalie ‘Nate’ Chauncey
I’ll be honest. When I glanced at the photo attached to the roster I assumed that ‘Nate’ was a boy. It was nothing more than a cursory glance, but it was enough to make that assumption. Natalie, if you should somehow ever get to read this… I apologize. Anyway, Miss Chauncey is one of those girls that do not seem to understand that thinness does not equate beauty. Oh Miss Chauncey, if only it took root in your mind that the attempts of a consumerist society to redefine beauty into a narrow set of parameters need not apply to you, or any woman for that matter. Though, this advice applies only to your body. Your sense of fashion… well in the words of those more experienced in those matters than I, it ‘needs some work’. Miss Chauncey has been assigned, a Dragunov. An interesting choice, to say the least. It’s becoming more apparent that the producers of the show simply hand off weapon assignments to the interns. If those interns were humans rather than the shrieking monkeys I assume the studio keeps, perhaps situations like this would not happen. My prediction for her is as follows: she is not only physically incapable of using that gun but she is also mentally incapable. Expect her to be nothing more than a burden to her team, assuming she doesn’t take the easy way out.
Another harsh assessment, but not as harsh as the game is going to be. Miss Chauncey, I wish you the best of luck I really do. But I have no illusions of your ability to make it. The game will go to those capable of performing the actions required to make it to the end. Frankly my dear, you simply do not have the capability. Nevertheless, I’ll be rooting for you.
BLK3: Holly Herchenroder
Question for you. What’s more of a mouthful than that name? The answer is, of course, the amount of alcohol one would have to consume to become inebriated enough to believe that this team stands a chance. ‘Why the harsh conclusion already, MidnightQ? You haven’t even talked about Holly yet!’ That is correct reader. And it is unfair. So I’ll talk a little bit about Miss Herchenroder. (God I can feel my jaw breaking already. Let’s call her Holly shall we? Good? Great.) Holly may not be physically imposing, and honestly how many people on this team are… seriously, but mentally she has to be more than up to the task… right? Other than the pot-smoking habit, which I don’t approve of, I can find little fault with her. So why am I so harsh on her. Well it’s not her I’m being harsh on. It’s the rest of her team. Honestly Holly might be the one person who could make it here, especially with those fragmentation grenades she got assigned. It would be even better if she could take useless Nate’s Dragunov. But too bad for Holly, she got stuck in quite possibly the worst team I’ve ever seen. My prediction for her is as follows: the others on her team will drag her down to death. Plain and simple. Sorry love.
Is that not always the case? Are not the true geniuses and excellent people among the populace always dragged down by those not at their level? I am not exactly sure that Holly belongs to the former category, but among her peers on Black Team she may as well be. Holly, I do feel bad for you. I’d love to just take you in my arms and rescue you from the terrible situation you’ll find yourself in. But I can’t because you’re on your way to the Reaper already. Death is inevitability. It will claim us all… but I sure hope it forgets you.
BLK 4: Harold Finston Smythe
Blue. Blue, more blue, and more goddamn blue. I apologize for the cursing but my god is there a reason for this dull and offensive-to-my-eyes color scheme? Aside from the color monotony, Mr. Smythe is physically unattractive as well. But what does that matter? According to his profile here on my desk, he is a gamer and an anime fan. Oh perfect, the two skills that are sure to be more useful than any others on the show. While I am glad that Harold is ‘one of us’ as I’ve heard so many times, the fact of the matter is that the skills gained from playing games and watching cartoons will not help him. (Even if those cartoons come from Japan and are most definitely not of the good-for-young-children kind.) Still, if the older generation is to be believed, perhaps the social and psychological disconnect from the real world all gamers have will help him. And if not, then perhaps his 1927 Thompson A1 MS1B Machine Gun will. (Nice choice monkey interns.) Still, I don’t have my hopes up for him, even with that weapon. My prediction for him is as follows: that gun will pass to someone with the ability to actually use it. He’ll try to be useful, only to fail. I hope that gun passes to Holly.
May I have a word with you, Mr. Smythe? There are more colors out there than blue. But perhaps blue has some sort of special connection to you. Maybe it’s indicative of your sub-conscious awareness of the bleakness of your life. Maybe you’ve somehow tapped into the collective unconscious and emerged enlightened as to your ultimate destiny. Or maybe you just like the color. I can’t speculate on that.
BLK5: Panya Bishara
Panya can I just say that I love you? You are just so lovely that I find myself imagining all sorts of scenarios we could have acted out had you not been selected for the show. Such a waste of beauty, at least she’ll live on in the photos and images she will leave behind. That, and plenty of work-unsafe fiction that will inevitably rise up. (Somehow I have the feeling she’s already appeared in some. I’ll have to investigate.) The one issue I have is this: beauty isn’t anything in this game. Look at the previous seasons Miss Bishara. The gorgeous girls like you think they can just use those looks to their advantage and twist everyone attracted to them around their fingers. It doesn’t work like that. Pretty quickly into the game, you’ll find that if someone wants you for you body… there’s not much stopping them from taking you. Aside from your Firestar M43 that is. Hope you don’t run out of ammo fending off the sexually depraved. My prediction for her is as follows: that charm that she seems to be quite proud of will prove useless within a day. Maybe less. She’ll have to rely on cunning, and will have to use that gun mercilessly if she wants to survive.
Egyptian rose. Flowery language like that is probably nothing new to her. That I’m positive of. But, my little rose, the place you’re going to be in is full of all manner of beasts intent on tarnishing your beauty and leaving you broken. My advice is to grow out those thorns and throw away any ridiculous notions you may have about using that beauty to get ahead. That has never happened as planned and will never happen as planned. Use your head, not your body. Then you’ll go far.
OVERALL ASSESMENT
I’ve said it before. I’ll say it again. This team isn’t made of winners. Whether they are just physically incapable of doing what needs to be done, mentally unfit to handle the consequences and ramifications of their actions if they do perform what is needed, or just plain not suited to the task set before them there is just no running around the cold facts. And the facts are despite their generally well-armed status, they cannot and will not win. And certainly not with the idiotic choice of a mentor; Mr. Finch had his chance back before Season 1, he has no reason to be here now.
Despite the foregone conclusion, I will say that they will certainly be enjoyable to watch. I know I’ll be keeping a close watch on them. I certainly hope you will as well reader. Feel free to discuss my analysis in the comments. I’d love to hear your opinions. For it’s only opinions that sink deep into our minds, take root, and blossom into our choices.
END TRANMISSION
Greetings readers,
It has come to my attention that the much-awaited event is upon us. That event, of course, is the next season of SOTF-TV. For the uneducated among you, I am MidnightQ. Those who know me from my solo writing projects, feel free to stir up discussion on how I’ve ‘abased myself concerning the interests of the lowest common denominator yet again’. Those of you of who do not, know that I am as much of an avid fan of SOTF as the rest of you. Comrdade_Snowball has asked me to offer my insight on the new players, and I have accepted the offer. Now then, I do believe it is time to bring a bit more intellectual criticism to the current season.
I have in my possession a leaked copy of the team roster. Yes, the ‘secret surprise’ is the formation of teams. This far into the lifetime of the game, I should have expected no less. In particular, I have a copy of the Black Team roster. Black Team’s insignia is a white skull. I find this rather amusing. A symbol surely meant to inspire fear into the hearts of their enemies will instead end up as a symbol for their inevitable end. Black Team does not consist of winners. Of that you can all be sure. However, this does not necessarily mean that they are incapable of victory. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by such types of contestants before. I do hope that the members of Black Team do not disappoint.
On to the analysis.
THE MENTOR
I must say I find it hilariously cruel that none other than Pete Finch himself will be mentoring the team. I’m sure you all remember Mr. Finch. The many little jabs taken at him all over the Internet, including this very site, surely indicate such. Well, it seems he’s been given a chance to redeem himself after his incredibly inept blunder back when SOTF was first proposed. The more than superficially interested fans of the show may recall that he was initially propositioned to host it. Of course, he turned it down. Honestly sometimes I do wonder how it would have turned out with him at the forefront. Would it have been the SOTF we all know and love? Or would it have an unrecognizable failure of the worst sort that would have been cancelled and dropped quicker than Mr. Finch’s other ventures back into the world of TV? I’m inclined to think the latter.
Regardless of his personal performance, the matter at hand is whether or not he’ll be any good for the team. I have a definitive answer for that. The answer is no. I made it quite clear that Black Team isn’t made to win, and this choice of a mentor only cements that fact. What good can Mr. Finch possibly bring to the team? Nothing, that is what he brings. He has nothing useful to offer concerning the survival of the members, the strategy of the game, or the leadership skills to guide them to victory as unlikely as that is for them. In summation: he is quite possibly the worst mentor possible to be assigned to the team. This may seem a harsh conclusion. I assure you, the game will be harsher. And this setup will not help.
THE STUDENTS
BLK1: Bob Lazenby
Bob seems to be an average boy. He is of average height, is slightly out-of-shape, and is not particularly attractive. But on average, a contestant’s body type has very little effect on how well they play the game. That depends mostly on the contestant’s mental fortitude. Mr. Lazenby has been assigned a Laser Pointer. Another ‘joke’ weapon, which I am inclined to believe thanks to the frequency that they are assigned to ‘hopeless loser’ candidates, means the producers themselves have no illusions of what’s going to happen to poor Bob. (Hopeless loser being the words of a highly respected fan blog, not mine. You know the one.) So, the weapon given to him will certainly not help his mental state. My prediction for him is as follows: he will die early; most likely one of, if not the first to die. A sad outcome for Bob, an inevitably of life for everyone else, and a convincing argument that there is no meaning to life.
For what meaning does this cold existence have when a child who has no outstanding qualities whatsoever is thrown into a gladiatorial death match for the amusement of his peers, all of them knowing full well he will never make it? It is almost enough to make me cry. Well, actually that was a lie but I want to feel sorry for the poor boy.
BLK2: Natalie ‘Nate’ Chauncey
I’ll be honest. When I glanced at the photo attached to the roster I assumed that ‘Nate’ was a boy. It was nothing more than a cursory glance, but it was enough to make that assumption. Natalie, if you should somehow ever get to read this… I apologize. Anyway, Miss Chauncey is one of those girls that do not seem to understand that thinness does not equate beauty. Oh Miss Chauncey, if only it took root in your mind that the attempts of a consumerist society to redefine beauty into a narrow set of parameters need not apply to you, or any woman for that matter. Though, this advice applies only to your body. Your sense of fashion… well in the words of those more experienced in those matters than I, it ‘needs some work’. Miss Chauncey has been assigned, a Dragunov. An interesting choice, to say the least. It’s becoming more apparent that the producers of the show simply hand off weapon assignments to the interns. If those interns were humans rather than the shrieking monkeys I assume the studio keeps, perhaps situations like this would not happen. My prediction for her is as follows: she is not only physically incapable of using that gun but she is also mentally incapable. Expect her to be nothing more than a burden to her team, assuming she doesn’t take the easy way out.
Another harsh assessment, but not as harsh as the game is going to be. Miss Chauncey, I wish you the best of luck I really do. But I have no illusions of your ability to make it. The game will go to those capable of performing the actions required to make it to the end. Frankly my dear, you simply do not have the capability. Nevertheless, I’ll be rooting for you.
BLK3: Holly Herchenroder
Question for you. What’s more of a mouthful than that name? The answer is, of course, the amount of alcohol one would have to consume to become inebriated enough to believe that this team stands a chance. ‘Why the harsh conclusion already, MidnightQ? You haven’t even talked about Holly yet!’ That is correct reader. And it is unfair. So I’ll talk a little bit about Miss Herchenroder. (God I can feel my jaw breaking already. Let’s call her Holly shall we? Good? Great.) Holly may not be physically imposing, and honestly how many people on this team are… seriously, but mentally she has to be more than up to the task… right? Other than the pot-smoking habit, which I don’t approve of, I can find little fault with her. So why am I so harsh on her. Well it’s not her I’m being harsh on. It’s the rest of her team. Honestly Holly might be the one person who could make it here, especially with those fragmentation grenades she got assigned. It would be even better if she could take useless Nate’s Dragunov. But too bad for Holly, she got stuck in quite possibly the worst team I’ve ever seen. My prediction for her is as follows: the others on her team will drag her down to death. Plain and simple. Sorry love.
Is that not always the case? Are not the true geniuses and excellent people among the populace always dragged down by those not at their level? I am not exactly sure that Holly belongs to the former category, but among her peers on Black Team she may as well be. Holly, I do feel bad for you. I’d love to just take you in my arms and rescue you from the terrible situation you’ll find yourself in. But I can’t because you’re on your way to the Reaper already. Death is inevitability. It will claim us all… but I sure hope it forgets you.
BLK 4: Harold Finston Smythe
Blue. Blue, more blue, and more goddamn blue. I apologize for the cursing but my god is there a reason for this dull and offensive-to-my-eyes color scheme? Aside from the color monotony, Mr. Smythe is physically unattractive as well. But what does that matter? According to his profile here on my desk, he is a gamer and an anime fan. Oh perfect, the two skills that are sure to be more useful than any others on the show. While I am glad that Harold is ‘one of us’ as I’ve heard so many times, the fact of the matter is that the skills gained from playing games and watching cartoons will not help him. (Even if those cartoons come from Japan and are most definitely not of the good-for-young-children kind.) Still, if the older generation is to be believed, perhaps the social and psychological disconnect from the real world all gamers have will help him. And if not, then perhaps his 1927 Thompson A1 MS1B Machine Gun will. (Nice choice monkey interns.) Still, I don’t have my hopes up for him, even with that weapon. My prediction for him is as follows: that gun will pass to someone with the ability to actually use it. He’ll try to be useful, only to fail. I hope that gun passes to Holly.
May I have a word with you, Mr. Smythe? There are more colors out there than blue. But perhaps blue has some sort of special connection to you. Maybe it’s indicative of your sub-conscious awareness of the bleakness of your life. Maybe you’ve somehow tapped into the collective unconscious and emerged enlightened as to your ultimate destiny. Or maybe you just like the color. I can’t speculate on that.
BLK5: Panya Bishara
Panya can I just say that I love you? You are just so lovely that I find myself imagining all sorts of scenarios we could have acted out had you not been selected for the show. Such a waste of beauty, at least she’ll live on in the photos and images she will leave behind. That, and plenty of work-unsafe fiction that will inevitably rise up. (Somehow I have the feeling she’s already appeared in some. I’ll have to investigate.) The one issue I have is this: beauty isn’t anything in this game. Look at the previous seasons Miss Bishara. The gorgeous girls like you think they can just use those looks to their advantage and twist everyone attracted to them around their fingers. It doesn’t work like that. Pretty quickly into the game, you’ll find that if someone wants you for you body… there’s not much stopping them from taking you. Aside from your Firestar M43 that is. Hope you don’t run out of ammo fending off the sexually depraved. My prediction for her is as follows: that charm that she seems to be quite proud of will prove useless within a day. Maybe less. She’ll have to rely on cunning, and will have to use that gun mercilessly if she wants to survive.
Egyptian rose. Flowery language like that is probably nothing new to her. That I’m positive of. But, my little rose, the place you’re going to be in is full of all manner of beasts intent on tarnishing your beauty and leaving you broken. My advice is to grow out those thorns and throw away any ridiculous notions you may have about using that beauty to get ahead. That has never happened as planned and will never happen as planned. Use your head, not your body. Then you’ll go far.
OVERALL ASSESMENT
I’ve said it before. I’ll say it again. This team isn’t made of winners. Whether they are just physically incapable of doing what needs to be done, mentally unfit to handle the consequences and ramifications of their actions if they do perform what is needed, or just plain not suited to the task set before them there is just no running around the cold facts. And the facts are despite their generally well-armed status, they cannot and will not win. And certainly not with the idiotic choice of a mentor; Mr. Finch had his chance back before Season 1, he has no reason to be here now.
Despite the foregone conclusion, I will say that they will certainly be enjoyable to watch. I know I’ll be keeping a close watch on them. I certainly hope you will as well reader. Feel free to discuss my analysis in the comments. I’d love to hear your opinions. For it’s only opinions that sink deep into our minds, take root, and blossom into our choices.
END TRANMISSION
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