BEGIN TRANSMISSION
Hello again readers,
It’s that time again. Once more, MidnightQ is here to give you a different perspective on the life and times of the innocent little children participating in this season of SOTF-TV. (Let’s put aside the fact that children are not innocent and are in fact just as capable of being bad as adults are, shall we?) There are still many people convinced that people, particularly children, don’t deserve to be put on the show. These people make arguments and cite statistics and provide analogies and examples to persuade others that they are correct. I would like to try my hand at accomplishing the opposite. Yes, I’m going to show you why the kids on the current season deserve to be here. (It’s an experiment in futility, but I’m sure it will be at least somewhat amusing.) For this experiment, I’ve decided to use the situation in the Cruise Ship as my proof. Let’s take a look and see why those kids actually deserve to be where they are right now.
First off: a rundown of the participants. We have, in as close to chronological order as a simultaneous broadcast of events can be, Sidney Rice, Joshua Doyle, Jonas Jeffries, Vincent Sullivan, and David Myerez. (I still don’t know how to pronounce your last name David. And that irks me.) Now, we have three students from Silver Dragon Academy, and two from Detroit Central High. Expectations of school allegiances are quickly thrown out the window. Of course, why would we expect such allegiances to last in the face of the game, particularly when guns are involved? What began with an execution scenario with two students became a standoff with the arrival of the third. That standoff in turn become complete chaos as the fourth and fifth arrived. From my observations, I see that these kids truly have no idea what they are doing. Yet, the game mentality seems to override things like common sense and logic. Once thrown into a scenario of kill or be killed, these children drop all pretense of societal norms and think nothing of playing the game. How easy it is to throw away basic human decency, am I correct, kids? (To be frank: if they didn’t, they’d die.)
Speaking of human decency, how long did it take Miss Rice to toss out modesty? Really Sidney? Is there something your parents need to know? Because I see little reason for a rich girl from Texas dressing up like a Playboy Bunny for kicks. (I assume she’s rich. All of the kids from SDA are, I think. I’ll double check later.) Though I suppose when you are all about to die in most likely an incredibly gruesome manner, that’s excusable. Except, of course, that it most certainly is not. Or take Mister Jeffries for example. How much time did he spend weighing the morality of threatening other people with a fully automatic weapon? Did you think it through at all? Did it occur to you at any point that you have a fully loaded deadly weapon, the express purpose of said weapon being to kill people? And how long did it take Mister Doyle to ditch his classmates? How long did it take for Mister Myerez to attack Mister Jeffries? Or for Mister Sullivan to threaten, and startle, him into causing the chaotic fiasco that I am going over again and again? These children have abandoned all sense of humanity. The game mentality has taken them over, whether consciously or not.
So do these kids deserve to be there? Do they deserve to be put into scenarios like the one they found themselves in? For the sake of this argument: yes they do, because they serve as an example of our basest human nature. For when we highly civilized people are put into an area where morality is meaningless and survival is always on the line, then we quickly become conductors of chaos. This in itself is not a bad thing. It reminds us that at our cores, we are truly no better or no worse than anyone else. In truth, everyone deserves to be put into that kind of situation. We should be thankful that we aren’t. Now, I have here in my possession a number of statistics that can back up my claims that humans are merely repressed monsters. However, I’m running out of interest and I honestly don’t believe that at all. (As I said, this is an exercise in futility.) This glimpse into the game really only served as a reminder that no matter the person, anyone can and will play the game when put into it. And that’s why SOTF-TV exists. To let people play the game, and to let everyone else have their fun enjoying it played. It’s a wonderful symbiosis of violence and euphoric response to it, isn’t it?
END TRANSMISISON
Showing posts with label MidnightQ. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MidnightQ. Show all posts
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Green Team Analysis by MidnightQ
BEGIN TRANSMISSION
Greetings again readers,
It’s MidnightQ once more. This time I’ve come to share with you my thoughts on Green Team. Enviro-Team, Conserva-Team, or whatever you want to call them has made it into my possession. Or rather, the leaked data that is the team roster has made it into my possession. I can say with absolute certainty that Green Team is by far the most interesting exercise in publicity stunts I have ever seen on the show. (Barring of course the stunt pulled with the fifth season. Truly unforgettable.) And I can say also that I just might not be overly harsh in my judgments. This assumes of course that the members of Green Team are even worth my time. Only a look at the roster will tell me for sure.
THE MENTOR
The first part of the incredible ratings gamble that is Green Team is also perhaps the most interesting part. For none other than Susan Crawford has been chosen to mentor Green Team. Susan, if you are reading this, I want you to know that I am truly sorry for what happened to Erin. What she endured was an atrocity and testament to the extent of the horrors man can inflict upon our fellow man. Truly such terrible things should never be given the chance to occur. Even if such events provided endless hours of discussion and debate over just how long that kind of thing needs to go on before it becomes ‘totally lame’, pardon my vernacular. (Oh and there’s also the bonus of that footage being a great case study for psychology studies. I highly recommend using it and seeing what comes up in the following course discussion.)
Anyway, that’s beside the point. What is the point of this analysis is seeing how good Miss Crawford is for the team. (It is Miss Crawford, correct? I don’t want to assume things about your marital status. Why that would be almost as rude as you are to most everyone you speak with.) I can say that despite her position and methods, inane as they are, Miss Crawford is actually quite a good fit. She’s studied SOTF almost religiously. If she weren’t such a vehement opponent you could almost make a case that she’s the biggest fan of the show there is. (Apologies to everyone else wanting that title.) The only problem is I don’t see her actually using that wealth of knowledge for the good of the team. No doubt she’s going to try and get to them to escape. While that’s always good, and entertaining, the incredibly low rates of escape over the course of show indicate that it isn’t wise to focus all your effort on escaping. So much for giving out strategies to help them beat out all their opponents.
THE STUDENTS
GRN1: Sean Davidson
Excuse me while I make a copy of the photograph that came with the roster. There. That should do it. Now before I distract myself further I should get on with my analysis. The athleticism will come in handy, I suppose. It isn’t much but it is better than what most of the contestants thus far have going for them. What interests me more is his mind. (Not in that way. Though perhaps sometime in the future when such things become viable…) Every so often, you can just tell that some people were just born in the wrong century. Sean is one of those people. His interest in history, philosophy, basically anything about the ‘old world’ is most intriguing. To be honest I doubt it will do him much good, but it is nice to see someone this day and age actually using his or her mind for more than gratification of base desires. (As fun as they are to gratify.) As for his weapon, I do fear he could have gotten a better one. A Super Soaker, even a monster one, isn’t particularly effective compared to other, more lethal, weapons in play. My prediction for him is as follows: He’ll die quick if he doesn’t find the rest of his team soon. That weapon will not help him.
We as a species need people like Sean. People who aren’t going to forget the progress we’ve made in such a short time. Even if that progress has resulted in today’s world, as bad as it is sometimes, it is still progress. Good to know that someone hasn’t forgotten that we’ve only made it this far on the wings of those before us. Sean, thank you for your interest in the world before. You deserve better than this. (But we don’t all get what we deserve now do we? To that end, he’ll be fun to watch.)
GRN2: David Myerez
Just how do you pronounce that last name? Is it Me-yers? Mi-ye-rez? (I’ll be up all night trying to figure it out.) Anyway, Green Team does seem to have a good bit of eye candy. (It’s just my opinion though. There’s no need to go spreading it around.) It seems he’s got a bit of MacGyver in him. Well maybe he’s not that good but still. His skill with a skateboard probably won’t get to be shown off, but his ability going all parkour might. We’ll see on both counts. What worries me is his mental state. Seems the poor boy was in a rather nasty accident, and his girl/friend got killed. (I’m not sure what exactly she was to him. My info doesn’t say. I’ll have to talk to someone at his school after the season ends.) He changed a lot after that. Having been so close to death, I wonder how he’ll handle being even closer. Trauma like that does mysterious things. Makes you wonder how he’ll use that Gladius of his. (I hope he keeps to proper technique. Those things are harder to use than they look. Yes I have used one. I’ll relate the tale later.) My prediction for him is as follows: We’ll see a spectacular show when he comes across death or is forced to kill someone. Mark my words. It will be epic.
Having seen death so close, maybe he’s more aware of his mortality. Might he be more ready than the common man to shuffle off his mortal coil? Does he believe in the existence of the soul? Of life after death? Is any of this speculation relevant? All that and more will be answered as we observe our friend David during his run on SOTF-TV. I can’t wait.
GRN3: Alexis “Lexi” Allwell
Well all’s well that ends well. But this won’t end well. So it probably won’t be well. (I’ll stop now.) First thing sweetie, lose the spray-tan and we’ll talk. It doesn’t suit you, in my opinion. (Though I admit to bias, as I don’t think it suits anyone.) That small frame will certainly come in handy staying hidden. And that rope and grappling hook have many uses. Though most of them take time, which she may not have when discovered. Lexi’s shyness concerns me, as anyone with a good presence might influence her in a bad way. Her time spent playing tennis should have her be in shape enough to run away if she finds herself in a bad spot. I’ll assume so until I see otherwise. Though I just have to say that the spoiled-child thing she got with her parents will not help her on the show. And from what I’ve heard, she doesn’t really like the show when there isn’t an escape going on. (I’ll have to verify that. It’s all based on info from message boards that she’s posted on. At least I assume it’s her. Who knows, it could be someone completely different.) My prediction for her is as follows: She’ll hide a lot. It’s the only way I see her staying alive until the group finds each other.
Alexis is definitely going to have to come out of her shell during the game. And she’d going to take a crash course in learning how to use what you have when you don’t have what you want. Good lessons. If she survives, I think I’ll just splurge and buy her whatever anything she might ask me for. It’s the least I can do for her, as I’m sure she’ll be a lot of fun to follow on her journey into the heart of darkness. (I’ve just realized I’ve used that exact same line in an analysis of a previous season. Oh well, I like it too much to change it.)
GRN4: Chelsea Roberts
Chelsea is moderately attractive. (Meaning I’d have to strike out on some good finds before I consider her.) No offense Miss Roberts, but I’ve seen better. (Like BLK5.) Still, I’m not judging entirely by looks. Doing so is shallow and uninformed. And there’s nothing more annoying than being uninformed. And that’s what I like about Chelsea. She’s anything but uninformed. She’s got so much info in that head, and she can recall it in great detail. Though I wonder if it’s all just book-smarts. It sure seems that way. My advice for her is she needs to open up to others a bit more. She won’t last long if she doesn’t learn to live in the real world. (Well, SOTF-TV isn’t exactly the best place to start but she can’t exactly pick somewhere else to start now can she?) That aluminum baseball bat she’s got should help to fend off attackers. Assuming, of course, that’s she has to will and the way to swing it. (Pun unintentional.) I swear it’s almost as if the monkey interns are psychic or something. They always seem to know what to give someone to make it very difficult for him or her to survive. At least, that applies to people I’m interested in. My prediction for her is as follows: Her knowledge won’t do her much good unless she can get a gun. Then I can see her as a powerhouse. Here’s hoping.
One thing I’ve learned about the world is that you can’t categorize everything into neat little compartments. Not in the real world. The world of fiction is all for that. The world of our minds thrives on it. But real people are just too unpredictable for categorization. (On a small scale. Large-scale cases, we’re like cattle.) Chelsea’s got the brains to be a star here. I wonder if she’ll live up to my expectations. (And the expectations of her parents. And her fans.)
GRN5: Michael Clark
Who is like God? That’s what Michael’s name means. Interesting factoid there. And really, he’ll needs God’s help to live long enough to ditch that butter knife. (A butter knife, seriously? I knew those monkey interns were psychic.) Still, when it comes to pure physicality Michael’s got most of the students in the show beat. I can see him easily overpowering most everyone he comes across. But the game isn’t all about the rough and tough stuff. No, much of the game is won with mind games, subtle plans, and the cunning to abuse other’s weaknesses to the fullest. His interest in music and literature won’t help him much. Though I applaud his effort into becoming more cultured than most people, the simple facts are that no book or song in the history of the world has even blown someone’s face off. (Although I read a comment one time assuring me that exact thing had happened. I’m still investigating.) All I can say is, he better get a good weapon soon. Then he’ll be a real good bet to win. My prediction for him is as follows: If he meets a kid with a gun and an itchy trigger finger at the start, it’s goodbye. If he meets a melee weapon user, then I’d say he’d get a decent weapon. Late in the game, if he makes it that far, he’ll be a favorite for victory.
I wonder if his parents knew what they were proclaiming over Michael’s life when they named him. Could God be on his side? Might he have an angel looking out for him? Will his life settle centuries of debate and definitively prove or disprove the existence of God? Most likely not, as I see little connection to the spirit world in him. But surely that world is more real than this one. After all, this world is but a fleeting dream.
OVERALL ANALYSIS
Green Team’s got a lot of good players on it. They don’t have good weapons, but relieving undeserving kids of good weapons should alleviate their problem. If they do all survive long enough to form up as a team, I predict they’ll be real power hitters. The students, the second-and-final-part of the publicity stunt known as Green Team, are an interesting bunch. I can see a wealth of entertainment from their time on the show.
Oh, and I have a parting word with Miss Crawford. Shouting expletives at people and raising your voice aren’t conductive to rational discussion. If you really want to change how people see SOTF, then please explain your points calmly. I enjoy a good shouting match as much as the next person, but I’ve just about had it with you Miss Crawford. And not everyone thought your sister’s death was ‘the most awesome thing ever that season’. Some of us thought it was a little too much, even for SOTF. (Though looking back at it, I can’t say for certain which side of the fence I’m on. I think maybe a few more viewings should cement my thoughts on it. I haven’t watched that remix video in a long time.)
END TRANSMISSION
Greetings again readers,
It’s MidnightQ once more. This time I’ve come to share with you my thoughts on Green Team. Enviro-Team, Conserva-Team, or whatever you want to call them has made it into my possession. Or rather, the leaked data that is the team roster has made it into my possession. I can say with absolute certainty that Green Team is by far the most interesting exercise in publicity stunts I have ever seen on the show. (Barring of course the stunt pulled with the fifth season. Truly unforgettable.) And I can say also that I just might not be overly harsh in my judgments. This assumes of course that the members of Green Team are even worth my time. Only a look at the roster will tell me for sure.
THE MENTOR
The first part of the incredible ratings gamble that is Green Team is also perhaps the most interesting part. For none other than Susan Crawford has been chosen to mentor Green Team. Susan, if you are reading this, I want you to know that I am truly sorry for what happened to Erin. What she endured was an atrocity and testament to the extent of the horrors man can inflict upon our fellow man. Truly such terrible things should never be given the chance to occur. Even if such events provided endless hours of discussion and debate over just how long that kind of thing needs to go on before it becomes ‘totally lame’, pardon my vernacular. (Oh and there’s also the bonus of that footage being a great case study for psychology studies. I highly recommend using it and seeing what comes up in the following course discussion.)
Anyway, that’s beside the point. What is the point of this analysis is seeing how good Miss Crawford is for the team. (It is Miss Crawford, correct? I don’t want to assume things about your marital status. Why that would be almost as rude as you are to most everyone you speak with.) I can say that despite her position and methods, inane as they are, Miss Crawford is actually quite a good fit. She’s studied SOTF almost religiously. If she weren’t such a vehement opponent you could almost make a case that she’s the biggest fan of the show there is. (Apologies to everyone else wanting that title.) The only problem is I don’t see her actually using that wealth of knowledge for the good of the team. No doubt she’s going to try and get to them to escape. While that’s always good, and entertaining, the incredibly low rates of escape over the course of show indicate that it isn’t wise to focus all your effort on escaping. So much for giving out strategies to help them beat out all their opponents.
THE STUDENTS
GRN1: Sean Davidson
Excuse me while I make a copy of the photograph that came with the roster. There. That should do it. Now before I distract myself further I should get on with my analysis. The athleticism will come in handy, I suppose. It isn’t much but it is better than what most of the contestants thus far have going for them. What interests me more is his mind. (Not in that way. Though perhaps sometime in the future when such things become viable…) Every so often, you can just tell that some people were just born in the wrong century. Sean is one of those people. His interest in history, philosophy, basically anything about the ‘old world’ is most intriguing. To be honest I doubt it will do him much good, but it is nice to see someone this day and age actually using his or her mind for more than gratification of base desires. (As fun as they are to gratify.) As for his weapon, I do fear he could have gotten a better one. A Super Soaker, even a monster one, isn’t particularly effective compared to other, more lethal, weapons in play. My prediction for him is as follows: He’ll die quick if he doesn’t find the rest of his team soon. That weapon will not help him.
We as a species need people like Sean. People who aren’t going to forget the progress we’ve made in such a short time. Even if that progress has resulted in today’s world, as bad as it is sometimes, it is still progress. Good to know that someone hasn’t forgotten that we’ve only made it this far on the wings of those before us. Sean, thank you for your interest in the world before. You deserve better than this. (But we don’t all get what we deserve now do we? To that end, he’ll be fun to watch.)
GRN2: David Myerez
Just how do you pronounce that last name? Is it Me-yers? Mi-ye-rez? (I’ll be up all night trying to figure it out.) Anyway, Green Team does seem to have a good bit of eye candy. (It’s just my opinion though. There’s no need to go spreading it around.) It seems he’s got a bit of MacGyver in him. Well maybe he’s not that good but still. His skill with a skateboard probably won’t get to be shown off, but his ability going all parkour might. We’ll see on both counts. What worries me is his mental state. Seems the poor boy was in a rather nasty accident, and his girl/friend got killed. (I’m not sure what exactly she was to him. My info doesn’t say. I’ll have to talk to someone at his school after the season ends.) He changed a lot after that. Having been so close to death, I wonder how he’ll handle being even closer. Trauma like that does mysterious things. Makes you wonder how he’ll use that Gladius of his. (I hope he keeps to proper technique. Those things are harder to use than they look. Yes I have used one. I’ll relate the tale later.) My prediction for him is as follows: We’ll see a spectacular show when he comes across death or is forced to kill someone. Mark my words. It will be epic.
Having seen death so close, maybe he’s more aware of his mortality. Might he be more ready than the common man to shuffle off his mortal coil? Does he believe in the existence of the soul? Of life after death? Is any of this speculation relevant? All that and more will be answered as we observe our friend David during his run on SOTF-TV. I can’t wait.
GRN3: Alexis “Lexi” Allwell
Well all’s well that ends well. But this won’t end well. So it probably won’t be well. (I’ll stop now.) First thing sweetie, lose the spray-tan and we’ll talk. It doesn’t suit you, in my opinion. (Though I admit to bias, as I don’t think it suits anyone.) That small frame will certainly come in handy staying hidden. And that rope and grappling hook have many uses. Though most of them take time, which she may not have when discovered. Lexi’s shyness concerns me, as anyone with a good presence might influence her in a bad way. Her time spent playing tennis should have her be in shape enough to run away if she finds herself in a bad spot. I’ll assume so until I see otherwise. Though I just have to say that the spoiled-child thing she got with her parents will not help her on the show. And from what I’ve heard, she doesn’t really like the show when there isn’t an escape going on. (I’ll have to verify that. It’s all based on info from message boards that she’s posted on. At least I assume it’s her. Who knows, it could be someone completely different.) My prediction for her is as follows: She’ll hide a lot. It’s the only way I see her staying alive until the group finds each other.
Alexis is definitely going to have to come out of her shell during the game. And she’d going to take a crash course in learning how to use what you have when you don’t have what you want. Good lessons. If she survives, I think I’ll just splurge and buy her whatever anything she might ask me for. It’s the least I can do for her, as I’m sure she’ll be a lot of fun to follow on her journey into the heart of darkness. (I’ve just realized I’ve used that exact same line in an analysis of a previous season. Oh well, I like it too much to change it.)
GRN4: Chelsea Roberts
Chelsea is moderately attractive. (Meaning I’d have to strike out on some good finds before I consider her.) No offense Miss Roberts, but I’ve seen better. (Like BLK5.) Still, I’m not judging entirely by looks. Doing so is shallow and uninformed. And there’s nothing more annoying than being uninformed. And that’s what I like about Chelsea. She’s anything but uninformed. She’s got so much info in that head, and she can recall it in great detail. Though I wonder if it’s all just book-smarts. It sure seems that way. My advice for her is she needs to open up to others a bit more. She won’t last long if she doesn’t learn to live in the real world. (Well, SOTF-TV isn’t exactly the best place to start but she can’t exactly pick somewhere else to start now can she?) That aluminum baseball bat she’s got should help to fend off attackers. Assuming, of course, that’s she has to will and the way to swing it. (Pun unintentional.) I swear it’s almost as if the monkey interns are psychic or something. They always seem to know what to give someone to make it very difficult for him or her to survive. At least, that applies to people I’m interested in. My prediction for her is as follows: Her knowledge won’t do her much good unless she can get a gun. Then I can see her as a powerhouse. Here’s hoping.
One thing I’ve learned about the world is that you can’t categorize everything into neat little compartments. Not in the real world. The world of fiction is all for that. The world of our minds thrives on it. But real people are just too unpredictable for categorization. (On a small scale. Large-scale cases, we’re like cattle.) Chelsea’s got the brains to be a star here. I wonder if she’ll live up to my expectations. (And the expectations of her parents. And her fans.)
GRN5: Michael Clark
Who is like God? That’s what Michael’s name means. Interesting factoid there. And really, he’ll needs God’s help to live long enough to ditch that butter knife. (A butter knife, seriously? I knew those monkey interns were psychic.) Still, when it comes to pure physicality Michael’s got most of the students in the show beat. I can see him easily overpowering most everyone he comes across. But the game isn’t all about the rough and tough stuff. No, much of the game is won with mind games, subtle plans, and the cunning to abuse other’s weaknesses to the fullest. His interest in music and literature won’t help him much. Though I applaud his effort into becoming more cultured than most people, the simple facts are that no book or song in the history of the world has even blown someone’s face off. (Although I read a comment one time assuring me that exact thing had happened. I’m still investigating.) All I can say is, he better get a good weapon soon. Then he’ll be a real good bet to win. My prediction for him is as follows: If he meets a kid with a gun and an itchy trigger finger at the start, it’s goodbye. If he meets a melee weapon user, then I’d say he’d get a decent weapon. Late in the game, if he makes it that far, he’ll be a favorite for victory.
I wonder if his parents knew what they were proclaiming over Michael’s life when they named him. Could God be on his side? Might he have an angel looking out for him? Will his life settle centuries of debate and definitively prove or disprove the existence of God? Most likely not, as I see little connection to the spirit world in him. But surely that world is more real than this one. After all, this world is but a fleeting dream.
OVERALL ANALYSIS
Green Team’s got a lot of good players on it. They don’t have good weapons, but relieving undeserving kids of good weapons should alleviate their problem. If they do all survive long enough to form up as a team, I predict they’ll be real power hitters. The students, the second-and-final-part of the publicity stunt known as Green Team, are an interesting bunch. I can see a wealth of entertainment from their time on the show.
Oh, and I have a parting word with Miss Crawford. Shouting expletives at people and raising your voice aren’t conductive to rational discussion. If you really want to change how people see SOTF, then please explain your points calmly. I enjoy a good shouting match as much as the next person, but I’ve just about had it with you Miss Crawford. And not everyone thought your sister’s death was ‘the most awesome thing ever that season’. Some of us thought it was a little too much, even for SOTF. (Though looking back at it, I can’t say for certain which side of the fence I’m on. I think maybe a few more viewings should cement my thoughts on it. I haven’t watched that remix video in a long time.)
END TRANSMISSION
Monday, April 18, 2011
Black Team Analysis by MidnightQ
BEGIN TRANSMISSION:
Greetings readers,
It has come to my attention that the much-awaited event is upon us. That event, of course, is the next season of SOTF-TV. For the uneducated among you, I am MidnightQ. Those who know me from my solo writing projects, feel free to stir up discussion on how I’ve ‘abased myself concerning the interests of the lowest common denominator yet again’. Those of you of who do not, know that I am as much of an avid fan of SOTF as the rest of you. Comrdade_Snowball has asked me to offer my insight on the new players, and I have accepted the offer. Now then, I do believe it is time to bring a bit more intellectual criticism to the current season.
I have in my possession a leaked copy of the team roster. Yes, the ‘secret surprise’ is the formation of teams. This far into the lifetime of the game, I should have expected no less. In particular, I have a copy of the Black Team roster. Black Team’s insignia is a white skull. I find this rather amusing. A symbol surely meant to inspire fear into the hearts of their enemies will instead end up as a symbol for their inevitable end. Black Team does not consist of winners. Of that you can all be sure. However, this does not necessarily mean that they are incapable of victory. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by such types of contestants before. I do hope that the members of Black Team do not disappoint.
On to the analysis.
THE MENTOR
I must say I find it hilariously cruel that none other than Pete Finch himself will be mentoring the team. I’m sure you all remember Mr. Finch. The many little jabs taken at him all over the Internet, including this very site, surely indicate such. Well, it seems he’s been given a chance to redeem himself after his incredibly inept blunder back when SOTF was first proposed. The more than superficially interested fans of the show may recall that he was initially propositioned to host it. Of course, he turned it down. Honestly sometimes I do wonder how it would have turned out with him at the forefront. Would it have been the SOTF we all know and love? Or would it have an unrecognizable failure of the worst sort that would have been cancelled and dropped quicker than Mr. Finch’s other ventures back into the world of TV? I’m inclined to think the latter.
Regardless of his personal performance, the matter at hand is whether or not he’ll be any good for the team. I have a definitive answer for that. The answer is no. I made it quite clear that Black Team isn’t made to win, and this choice of a mentor only cements that fact. What good can Mr. Finch possibly bring to the team? Nothing, that is what he brings. He has nothing useful to offer concerning the survival of the members, the strategy of the game, or the leadership skills to guide them to victory as unlikely as that is for them. In summation: he is quite possibly the worst mentor possible to be assigned to the team. This may seem a harsh conclusion. I assure you, the game will be harsher. And this setup will not help.
THE STUDENTS
BLK1: Bob Lazenby
Bob seems to be an average boy. He is of average height, is slightly out-of-shape, and is not particularly attractive. But on average, a contestant’s body type has very little effect on how well they play the game. That depends mostly on the contestant’s mental fortitude. Mr. Lazenby has been assigned a Laser Pointer. Another ‘joke’ weapon, which I am inclined to believe thanks to the frequency that they are assigned to ‘hopeless loser’ candidates, means the producers themselves have no illusions of what’s going to happen to poor Bob. (Hopeless loser being the words of a highly respected fan blog, not mine. You know the one.) So, the weapon given to him will certainly not help his mental state. My prediction for him is as follows: he will die early; most likely one of, if not the first to die. A sad outcome for Bob, an inevitably of life for everyone else, and a convincing argument that there is no meaning to life.
For what meaning does this cold existence have when a child who has no outstanding qualities whatsoever is thrown into a gladiatorial death match for the amusement of his peers, all of them knowing full well he will never make it? It is almost enough to make me cry. Well, actually that was a lie but I want to feel sorry for the poor boy.
BLK2: Natalie ‘Nate’ Chauncey
I’ll be honest. When I glanced at the photo attached to the roster I assumed that ‘Nate’ was a boy. It was nothing more than a cursory glance, but it was enough to make that assumption. Natalie, if you should somehow ever get to read this… I apologize. Anyway, Miss Chauncey is one of those girls that do not seem to understand that thinness does not equate beauty. Oh Miss Chauncey, if only it took root in your mind that the attempts of a consumerist society to redefine beauty into a narrow set of parameters need not apply to you, or any woman for that matter. Though, this advice applies only to your body. Your sense of fashion… well in the words of those more experienced in those matters than I, it ‘needs some work’. Miss Chauncey has been assigned, a Dragunov. An interesting choice, to say the least. It’s becoming more apparent that the producers of the show simply hand off weapon assignments to the interns. If those interns were humans rather than the shrieking monkeys I assume the studio keeps, perhaps situations like this would not happen. My prediction for her is as follows: she is not only physically incapable of using that gun but she is also mentally incapable. Expect her to be nothing more than a burden to her team, assuming she doesn’t take the easy way out.
Another harsh assessment, but not as harsh as the game is going to be. Miss Chauncey, I wish you the best of luck I really do. But I have no illusions of your ability to make it. The game will go to those capable of performing the actions required to make it to the end. Frankly my dear, you simply do not have the capability. Nevertheless, I’ll be rooting for you.
BLK3: Holly Herchenroder
Question for you. What’s more of a mouthful than that name? The answer is, of course, the amount of alcohol one would have to consume to become inebriated enough to believe that this team stands a chance. ‘Why the harsh conclusion already, MidnightQ? You haven’t even talked about Holly yet!’ That is correct reader. And it is unfair. So I’ll talk a little bit about Miss Herchenroder. (God I can feel my jaw breaking already. Let’s call her Holly shall we? Good? Great.) Holly may not be physically imposing, and honestly how many people on this team are… seriously, but mentally she has to be more than up to the task… right? Other than the pot-smoking habit, which I don’t approve of, I can find little fault with her. So why am I so harsh on her. Well it’s not her I’m being harsh on. It’s the rest of her team. Honestly Holly might be the one person who could make it here, especially with those fragmentation grenades she got assigned. It would be even better if she could take useless Nate’s Dragunov. But too bad for Holly, she got stuck in quite possibly the worst team I’ve ever seen. My prediction for her is as follows: the others on her team will drag her down to death. Plain and simple. Sorry love.
Is that not always the case? Are not the true geniuses and excellent people among the populace always dragged down by those not at their level? I am not exactly sure that Holly belongs to the former category, but among her peers on Black Team she may as well be. Holly, I do feel bad for you. I’d love to just take you in my arms and rescue you from the terrible situation you’ll find yourself in. But I can’t because you’re on your way to the Reaper already. Death is inevitability. It will claim us all… but I sure hope it forgets you.
BLK 4: Harold Finston Smythe
Blue. Blue, more blue, and more goddamn blue. I apologize for the cursing but my god is there a reason for this dull and offensive-to-my-eyes color scheme? Aside from the color monotony, Mr. Smythe is physically unattractive as well. But what does that matter? According to his profile here on my desk, he is a gamer and an anime fan. Oh perfect, the two skills that are sure to be more useful than any others on the show. While I am glad that Harold is ‘one of us’ as I’ve heard so many times, the fact of the matter is that the skills gained from playing games and watching cartoons will not help him. (Even if those cartoons come from Japan and are most definitely not of the good-for-young-children kind.) Still, if the older generation is to be believed, perhaps the social and psychological disconnect from the real world all gamers have will help him. And if not, then perhaps his 1927 Thompson A1 MS1B Machine Gun will. (Nice choice monkey interns.) Still, I don’t have my hopes up for him, even with that weapon. My prediction for him is as follows: that gun will pass to someone with the ability to actually use it. He’ll try to be useful, only to fail. I hope that gun passes to Holly.
May I have a word with you, Mr. Smythe? There are more colors out there than blue. But perhaps blue has some sort of special connection to you. Maybe it’s indicative of your sub-conscious awareness of the bleakness of your life. Maybe you’ve somehow tapped into the collective unconscious and emerged enlightened as to your ultimate destiny. Or maybe you just like the color. I can’t speculate on that.
BLK5: Panya Bishara
Panya can I just say that I love you? You are just so lovely that I find myself imagining all sorts of scenarios we could have acted out had you not been selected for the show. Such a waste of beauty, at least she’ll live on in the photos and images she will leave behind. That, and plenty of work-unsafe fiction that will inevitably rise up. (Somehow I have the feeling she’s already appeared in some. I’ll have to investigate.) The one issue I have is this: beauty isn’t anything in this game. Look at the previous seasons Miss Bishara. The gorgeous girls like you think they can just use those looks to their advantage and twist everyone attracted to them around their fingers. It doesn’t work like that. Pretty quickly into the game, you’ll find that if someone wants you for you body… there’s not much stopping them from taking you. Aside from your Firestar M43 that is. Hope you don’t run out of ammo fending off the sexually depraved. My prediction for her is as follows: that charm that she seems to be quite proud of will prove useless within a day. Maybe less. She’ll have to rely on cunning, and will have to use that gun mercilessly if she wants to survive.
Egyptian rose. Flowery language like that is probably nothing new to her. That I’m positive of. But, my little rose, the place you’re going to be in is full of all manner of beasts intent on tarnishing your beauty and leaving you broken. My advice is to grow out those thorns and throw away any ridiculous notions you may have about using that beauty to get ahead. That has never happened as planned and will never happen as planned. Use your head, not your body. Then you’ll go far.
OVERALL ASSESMENT
I’ve said it before. I’ll say it again. This team isn’t made of winners. Whether they are just physically incapable of doing what needs to be done, mentally unfit to handle the consequences and ramifications of their actions if they do perform what is needed, or just plain not suited to the task set before them there is just no running around the cold facts. And the facts are despite their generally well-armed status, they cannot and will not win. And certainly not with the idiotic choice of a mentor; Mr. Finch had his chance back before Season 1, he has no reason to be here now.
Despite the foregone conclusion, I will say that they will certainly be enjoyable to watch. I know I’ll be keeping a close watch on them. I certainly hope you will as well reader. Feel free to discuss my analysis in the comments. I’d love to hear your opinions. For it’s only opinions that sink deep into our minds, take root, and blossom into our choices.
END TRANMISSION
Greetings readers,
It has come to my attention that the much-awaited event is upon us. That event, of course, is the next season of SOTF-TV. For the uneducated among you, I am MidnightQ. Those who know me from my solo writing projects, feel free to stir up discussion on how I’ve ‘abased myself concerning the interests of the lowest common denominator yet again’. Those of you of who do not, know that I am as much of an avid fan of SOTF as the rest of you. Comrdade_Snowball has asked me to offer my insight on the new players, and I have accepted the offer. Now then, I do believe it is time to bring a bit more intellectual criticism to the current season.
I have in my possession a leaked copy of the team roster. Yes, the ‘secret surprise’ is the formation of teams. This far into the lifetime of the game, I should have expected no less. In particular, I have a copy of the Black Team roster. Black Team’s insignia is a white skull. I find this rather amusing. A symbol surely meant to inspire fear into the hearts of their enemies will instead end up as a symbol for their inevitable end. Black Team does not consist of winners. Of that you can all be sure. However, this does not necessarily mean that they are incapable of victory. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by such types of contestants before. I do hope that the members of Black Team do not disappoint.
On to the analysis.
THE MENTOR
I must say I find it hilariously cruel that none other than Pete Finch himself will be mentoring the team. I’m sure you all remember Mr. Finch. The many little jabs taken at him all over the Internet, including this very site, surely indicate such. Well, it seems he’s been given a chance to redeem himself after his incredibly inept blunder back when SOTF was first proposed. The more than superficially interested fans of the show may recall that he was initially propositioned to host it. Of course, he turned it down. Honestly sometimes I do wonder how it would have turned out with him at the forefront. Would it have been the SOTF we all know and love? Or would it have an unrecognizable failure of the worst sort that would have been cancelled and dropped quicker than Mr. Finch’s other ventures back into the world of TV? I’m inclined to think the latter.
Regardless of his personal performance, the matter at hand is whether or not he’ll be any good for the team. I have a definitive answer for that. The answer is no. I made it quite clear that Black Team isn’t made to win, and this choice of a mentor only cements that fact. What good can Mr. Finch possibly bring to the team? Nothing, that is what he brings. He has nothing useful to offer concerning the survival of the members, the strategy of the game, or the leadership skills to guide them to victory as unlikely as that is for them. In summation: he is quite possibly the worst mentor possible to be assigned to the team. This may seem a harsh conclusion. I assure you, the game will be harsher. And this setup will not help.
THE STUDENTS
BLK1: Bob Lazenby
Bob seems to be an average boy. He is of average height, is slightly out-of-shape, and is not particularly attractive. But on average, a contestant’s body type has very little effect on how well they play the game. That depends mostly on the contestant’s mental fortitude. Mr. Lazenby has been assigned a Laser Pointer. Another ‘joke’ weapon, which I am inclined to believe thanks to the frequency that they are assigned to ‘hopeless loser’ candidates, means the producers themselves have no illusions of what’s going to happen to poor Bob. (Hopeless loser being the words of a highly respected fan blog, not mine. You know the one.) So, the weapon given to him will certainly not help his mental state. My prediction for him is as follows: he will die early; most likely one of, if not the first to die. A sad outcome for Bob, an inevitably of life for everyone else, and a convincing argument that there is no meaning to life.
For what meaning does this cold existence have when a child who has no outstanding qualities whatsoever is thrown into a gladiatorial death match for the amusement of his peers, all of them knowing full well he will never make it? It is almost enough to make me cry. Well, actually that was a lie but I want to feel sorry for the poor boy.
BLK2: Natalie ‘Nate’ Chauncey
I’ll be honest. When I glanced at the photo attached to the roster I assumed that ‘Nate’ was a boy. It was nothing more than a cursory glance, but it was enough to make that assumption. Natalie, if you should somehow ever get to read this… I apologize. Anyway, Miss Chauncey is one of those girls that do not seem to understand that thinness does not equate beauty. Oh Miss Chauncey, if only it took root in your mind that the attempts of a consumerist society to redefine beauty into a narrow set of parameters need not apply to you, or any woman for that matter. Though, this advice applies only to your body. Your sense of fashion… well in the words of those more experienced in those matters than I, it ‘needs some work’. Miss Chauncey has been assigned, a Dragunov. An interesting choice, to say the least. It’s becoming more apparent that the producers of the show simply hand off weapon assignments to the interns. If those interns were humans rather than the shrieking monkeys I assume the studio keeps, perhaps situations like this would not happen. My prediction for her is as follows: she is not only physically incapable of using that gun but she is also mentally incapable. Expect her to be nothing more than a burden to her team, assuming she doesn’t take the easy way out.
Another harsh assessment, but not as harsh as the game is going to be. Miss Chauncey, I wish you the best of luck I really do. But I have no illusions of your ability to make it. The game will go to those capable of performing the actions required to make it to the end. Frankly my dear, you simply do not have the capability. Nevertheless, I’ll be rooting for you.
BLK3: Holly Herchenroder
Question for you. What’s more of a mouthful than that name? The answer is, of course, the amount of alcohol one would have to consume to become inebriated enough to believe that this team stands a chance. ‘Why the harsh conclusion already, MidnightQ? You haven’t even talked about Holly yet!’ That is correct reader. And it is unfair. So I’ll talk a little bit about Miss Herchenroder. (God I can feel my jaw breaking already. Let’s call her Holly shall we? Good? Great.) Holly may not be physically imposing, and honestly how many people on this team are… seriously, but mentally she has to be more than up to the task… right? Other than the pot-smoking habit, which I don’t approve of, I can find little fault with her. So why am I so harsh on her. Well it’s not her I’m being harsh on. It’s the rest of her team. Honestly Holly might be the one person who could make it here, especially with those fragmentation grenades she got assigned. It would be even better if she could take useless Nate’s Dragunov. But too bad for Holly, she got stuck in quite possibly the worst team I’ve ever seen. My prediction for her is as follows: the others on her team will drag her down to death. Plain and simple. Sorry love.
Is that not always the case? Are not the true geniuses and excellent people among the populace always dragged down by those not at their level? I am not exactly sure that Holly belongs to the former category, but among her peers on Black Team she may as well be. Holly, I do feel bad for you. I’d love to just take you in my arms and rescue you from the terrible situation you’ll find yourself in. But I can’t because you’re on your way to the Reaper already. Death is inevitability. It will claim us all… but I sure hope it forgets you.
BLK 4: Harold Finston Smythe
Blue. Blue, more blue, and more goddamn blue. I apologize for the cursing but my god is there a reason for this dull and offensive-to-my-eyes color scheme? Aside from the color monotony, Mr. Smythe is physically unattractive as well. But what does that matter? According to his profile here on my desk, he is a gamer and an anime fan. Oh perfect, the two skills that are sure to be more useful than any others on the show. While I am glad that Harold is ‘one of us’ as I’ve heard so many times, the fact of the matter is that the skills gained from playing games and watching cartoons will not help him. (Even if those cartoons come from Japan and are most definitely not of the good-for-young-children kind.) Still, if the older generation is to be believed, perhaps the social and psychological disconnect from the real world all gamers have will help him. And if not, then perhaps his 1927 Thompson A1 MS1B Machine Gun will. (Nice choice monkey interns.) Still, I don’t have my hopes up for him, even with that weapon. My prediction for him is as follows: that gun will pass to someone with the ability to actually use it. He’ll try to be useful, only to fail. I hope that gun passes to Holly.
May I have a word with you, Mr. Smythe? There are more colors out there than blue. But perhaps blue has some sort of special connection to you. Maybe it’s indicative of your sub-conscious awareness of the bleakness of your life. Maybe you’ve somehow tapped into the collective unconscious and emerged enlightened as to your ultimate destiny. Or maybe you just like the color. I can’t speculate on that.
BLK5: Panya Bishara
Panya can I just say that I love you? You are just so lovely that I find myself imagining all sorts of scenarios we could have acted out had you not been selected for the show. Such a waste of beauty, at least she’ll live on in the photos and images she will leave behind. That, and plenty of work-unsafe fiction that will inevitably rise up. (Somehow I have the feeling she’s already appeared in some. I’ll have to investigate.) The one issue I have is this: beauty isn’t anything in this game. Look at the previous seasons Miss Bishara. The gorgeous girls like you think they can just use those looks to their advantage and twist everyone attracted to them around their fingers. It doesn’t work like that. Pretty quickly into the game, you’ll find that if someone wants you for you body… there’s not much stopping them from taking you. Aside from your Firestar M43 that is. Hope you don’t run out of ammo fending off the sexually depraved. My prediction for her is as follows: that charm that she seems to be quite proud of will prove useless within a day. Maybe less. She’ll have to rely on cunning, and will have to use that gun mercilessly if she wants to survive.
Egyptian rose. Flowery language like that is probably nothing new to her. That I’m positive of. But, my little rose, the place you’re going to be in is full of all manner of beasts intent on tarnishing your beauty and leaving you broken. My advice is to grow out those thorns and throw away any ridiculous notions you may have about using that beauty to get ahead. That has never happened as planned and will never happen as planned. Use your head, not your body. Then you’ll go far.
OVERALL ASSESMENT
I’ve said it before. I’ll say it again. This team isn’t made of winners. Whether they are just physically incapable of doing what needs to be done, mentally unfit to handle the consequences and ramifications of their actions if they do perform what is needed, or just plain not suited to the task set before them there is just no running around the cold facts. And the facts are despite their generally well-armed status, they cannot and will not win. And certainly not with the idiotic choice of a mentor; Mr. Finch had his chance back before Season 1, he has no reason to be here now.
Despite the foregone conclusion, I will say that they will certainly be enjoyable to watch. I know I’ll be keeping a close watch on them. I certainly hope you will as well reader. Feel free to discuss my analysis in the comments. I’d love to hear your opinions. For it’s only opinions that sink deep into our minds, take root, and blossom into our choices.
END TRANMISSION
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