Quickfire Recap (By Location!) by RNN [Part 7]

RAIN FOREST:

So I was going to do a run through on everything that happened in this location, but then I went on vacation. Well, I'll quickly recap the most recent stuff as I'm sure most of you already watched the early stuff.

Suzanne Lanford gets robbed by Glen Bole as they both shout out to the blogs. Glen actually succeeded in doing something!

At one point a fight broke out between Zachariah Johnston (Yes him again) and Harold Finston Smythe. They talked crapped against each other while Mae St. Clair watched as Zach brutally killed Harold, from apparently a kick to the groin - which I might add is hilarious. Then Shawn Morrison appears causing Zach to run away in what I can only assume is embarrassment after a *ShawnMorrgasm.

Another attractive guy was also in the rain forest. Mr. Leopold Sutherland walked around shirtless in the jungle. Oh and that was basically the WHOLE Segment. Just walking around shirtless in the jungle. Wonderful.

As we've seen before, Todd Hudson has had bad luck. He was robbed by a monkey of his bandanna and now his clothes! He met up, naked, with another bad luck magnet in Sean Davidson. Then they both run away after Axel Stadler and Anna Higgins from Blue show up and then team up.

Sean runs into Jaszmine Johnson eventually, who for the first time Sean doesn't get into a bad situation with. They eventually part ways, where Jaszmine ends up having the worse luck of the two. Is Sean's bad luck, contagious?

Finally the normally upbeat Mason Ross sings "Lion Sleeps Tonight" for us and then switches into what looks like depression when his partner Kevin Fielding's neck inexplicably blows up for no reason. I'm still trying to figure out what could have caused that. He had his bandanna on, so it couldn't have been that. Whatever the case, poor Mason. Love the boy and his talking to the camera ways.

Star of the Scene: Todd Hudson and his exploits in the rain forest will forever be remembered. He is truly King of the Jungle.

HOT SPOT:

A favorite scene for Nery "If You Can't Stand the Heat" features two comedy characters that are great to see, both of which had been beaten up by Vincent Sullivan and had their noses broken, one worse than the other. They team up in what Nery describes as the greatest alliance in all of SOTF-TV Season 65. They are entertainment gold apparently and together even better.

The scene starts off awkward with both boys meeting up sweaty and shirtless, with Glen Bole attempting to be sexy for the cameras and the smaller Jonas Jeffries stripping to reveal his child like body due to the obvious heat. The mentor speaks and tells them that they are being called 'the gay team' which Jonas and his broken nose takes in quietly and backs away slowly from Glen as a response. Glen on the other hand who is pissed off and starts ranting THEN...

For some weird reason Todd Hudson comes running in naked and jumps into the crater! He screams on his way down and the two boys on Pink team give loud screams of their own. It was a tremendous WTF?! Moment!

Star of the Scene: This is an All Star Cast! The three of them are great comic relief!

Quickfire Recap (By Location!) by RNN [Part 5]

RESORT BEACH:

There is a very long, but still exciting footage, spread out into several episodes already in a saga like form, entitled "Time to Pretend" that we'll break down in a later blog. There's just too much to say about that right now. Basically Gold Team is using the location of one merchandise shack on the beach as a base of operations, sending members of the team and other allies out on 'quests' with others staying in 'the castle' to keep watch. Recently they've been infiltrated by an attacking Panya Bishara, but with the help of Michael Clark, Gold's Alicia White and Mae St. Clair fought back.

Another Segment "We are the Dead" Showed Odile Jones brutally murder both Holly Herchenroder and Jack Lemmon. It was a particularly graphic and disturbing scene, with Odile looking like she was putting on a show for the viewers and enjoying every minute of it. She even stomped on the girl viciously at one point and the disposing of the bodies - wow.

Then there was also "Finders Keepers" where Vincent Sullivan clobbered fail contestant Glen Bole, taking his walkie talkies and then forming an alliance with Orange team mate, Tiffany Dexter. Tiffany plans to organize their team into an army and take down all opponents. That would have been interesting to see, too bad it was short lived.

Star of the Scene: Odile Jones gets the prize again. That was a bloody fantastic show. I also MUST give credit to fairy girl, Alicia White for making "Time to Pretend" seem like an epic fantasy world story. Fairies? Elves? Ogres? Healers? and my favorite... Sluagh. Her jargon is quite amusing!

THE GEYSER:

Let's see Sean Davidson gets beaten up by Bobby Goldman, which was humorous and then Ferric Tam gets abandoned by his team mate Brennan, which was also quite humorous. Ferric's rant as Brennan walking off was also some great comic relief, what with the 'wah wah wah' sound effect they added in!

Currently "Foreshadowing/Hindsights" is the the episode located there. Jacob Langston, Madelyn Conner and Mikaela Warner are looking for runaway Marion Clayton, but give up on their search. They seemingly make plans for escape. I'm not sure if they can pull it off, but escapes are always exciting.

Star of the Scene: Not much has happened yet, so we'll hold off on this for now.

Comrade_Snowball's Game Recap #2

Well here it is Ladies and Gentlemen, you’ve waited patiently, and Karen Ruiz has finally delivered! Anthony Rollins is the first cast member to clock out this season, the very first kill of Season 65! And boy what a kill it was. I’ll admit it, I didn’t see this kill coming. The group Anthony was rolling with (Pardon the pun) was very tight. Sterling and Amber were allied with Karen, and I hadn’t expected her to open fire, especially after Amber’s tirade.

But she did anyways, prompting thousands upon thousands of pages of discussion on the official SotF Fan Forums. The twittersphere has been on fire; #KarenRuiz has topped the hashtag list for at least the past three days since the footage went live. People all around the country have been asking, just what is she playing at? Is Karen off her rocker like “Reverand” Smythe? Or is she simply thinking ahead? Could she be going after the ten kills?

I’m sad to see Anthony go. But regardless, his death has certainly left quite an impression on the game. Pink Team was never the strongest team, but they ranked at least Mid-Tier. But now with the loss of Anthony (and the continued stupidity of Jonas, Glen and Ben) they’re looking to be an early out.

Anthony wasn’t the only victim. Karen Ruiz managed to inflict quite the nasty wound to resident lunatic Ali White, blowing a finger clean off. It was a lucky shot that is sure to plague her until her inevitable demise. So far this Season has been rather lax on injuries, again, many people are decrying the slow start, but I’m thinking the exact opposite. Getting to know these characters makes the wounds and the death all the more shocking, and all the more brutal. I know I jumped when Ali was attacked. She’s a loony, (even BEFORE SotF: TV) but she is one of the fan favourites, and I myself have grown particularly fond of watching her exploits.

Speaking of fan favourites, take a look over at the tag list on the sidebar. As you can no doubt see, we’ve got a few notable names already in Season 65. The power trio of Shawn, Mae, and Zach have kept the shipping and fan fiction sections of the forum busy as hell, and it isn’t hard to see why. Interesting to note here, while ShawnxMae is wildly regarded as the better of the pairings, at least in the public eye, a quick look around any SotF fansite will reveal QUITE a lot of ZachxMae shippers on the net. Why is this? I don’t mean to offend here, but I sense some serious wish fulfillment going on.

Zach is the ultimate White Knight, and judging from the pre-game footage gathered he’s been harbouring a major crush on Mae for months, maybe years. Mae St. Clair is, to be blunt, beautiful. She’s witty and nice, and more importantly for the fans out there, she talks to Zach, the social challenged boy that he is, and even MORE importantly, she treats him with respect. When SotF was in the early stages, it first caught hold on the internet; the chans and the “nerd” demographic took hold of it and made it their own. This was their show, their chance to dream. What would it be like to kill your enemies, kill anyone who’s ever hated you? It’s one of the things so appealing about SotF: TV, the revenge and the righteous anger dealt out with no penalty. Zach has been aptly dubbed “The Love Martyr”, and he’s one of us. Anyone who’s ever fallen head over heels in love, everyone in the dark corners of the net who’ve been picked on and persecuted, they’re in Zach’s corner. When you think about it, we’ve all got a little bit of Zach in us. While you might not hear him talked about much in public rest assured, he’s a fan favourite. It’s too early to declare him my favourite, but he ranks up with Ali as a definite favourite, at least for me.

As you can see from the tags, other popular students include Marvia Jones, Panya Bishara and Sidney Rice. It’d rather obvious as to why; Marvia’s sex scene has easily been the most overplayed clip this season. Panya Bishara is another hottie, and Sidney has spent her game thus far bouncing around in a bunny costume. Ahhh fan service.

Little note on Marvia and Sidney here. While Panya has remained mostly neutral at this point (Debate is still raging on whether she is playing or not). Marvia has clearly shown she’s got a villainous streak going, beating on Nate Chauncey, stealing her things and then allying with the clearly insane Harold Smythe. (Who might win the record for fastest mental breakdown in SotF: TV, ever!) Sidney likewise, is clearly playing from her actions on the cruise ship. Often times on SotF we find girls who try to strike that ever so desired “Femme Fatale” status, utilizing looks and violence in equal measure to win the game. It’s never been truly achieved, although many have gotten close. Could this be their strategy?

Looks like we’ll have to stay tuned to find out!

I thank you once more for your continued reading! Feel free to voice your opinion down in the comments! This is Comrade_Snowball, signing off!

"The Camwhore Curse"

The latest poll results have just finished up here on Survival of the Snarkiest! Many thanks to all our voters. And now, for the results!

1) Jeanette Buendia

2) Marvia Jones

3) Mae St. Clair

3) Timothy Walker

3) Panya Bishara

4) Bobby Goldman

4) Glen Bole

4) Harold Smythe

4) Nate Chauncey

5) Sidney Cole

Unlike last time, our results were pretty clear. Jeanette and Marvia quickly shot to the top of the poll. Jeanette via her beach striptease and hula wearing adventures, Marvia for the now infamous "Drug-Sex" scene with Nate Chauncey. Although Marvia put up a fight, Jeanette managed to extend an early lead and come out victorious.

Interesting to note the low ranking of all the males. Yes, it's true that "Camwhore" mainly refers to fan service, but I'd make an argument that Timothy Walker's camera talk makes him far more guilty of "Camwhore" behavior then most, and out of all those tied for third place I personally believe he deserved to medal.

Now, many were opposed to running such a poll so early in the competition, but there were several reasons for this, most importantly the often mentioned "Camwhore Curse". A trend noticed on several reputable SotF blogs (Notably MarWIN's) shows most if not all students displaying "Camwhore" tendencies die out well before the halfway point. In a game like SotF there is no room for mistakes, and those who are intent on hogging screen time often make critical errors.

Time to weigh in on the matter SotF fans. Does this Poll speak truth? Are the front runners doomed to die? Any likely subversions? Comment below!

Ajax's Fanservice Five

Hello again Gentelmen, Lesbians and *Gasp* Is that a straight girl I see?

No? No. Damn.

Well, Seeing as I am the only member who doesn’t either A) have a wife/girlfriend, so has never wanted another girl sexually in the history of his life, Or, B) A stick up his arse the size of Texas, It falls to me to give Y’all the lowdown on the babes of this season.

That’s right fellas, it’s the:

Fanservice 5. MK2

Right, dropping in at number 5, is Mae St. Clair. I know a few of you might be in disagreement here, given her rather thin, athletic figure. And the B-Cup associated with it. However, she – as her (Sadly short lived, fuck you Shawn and Zach) Geisha costume showed – knows how to accentuate it perfectly.

Pros: Ballerina, so flexible She’s also very rich and pretty dominant, so if you like Fem-Dom, she’s your girl.

Cons: At the centre of a goddamn Love Triangle, also, incredibly cold. Like, if you fucked her, you’d probably get frostbite cold. Also, probably a holder of her V-card.

Stepping up to the deck at 4th place, is Jeanette Buendia. She is another of the smaller competitors, filling up another B-Cup. You know, I’d think that one of the producers had a smalltit fetish, but, well, its more than counteracted. Also, in a side note, her face is so cute! I almost went weeaboo there and did the thing with the K, a, w and a buttload of I’s. Its that cute.

Pros: Unlike our above contender, has plenty of experience. Also, she was quite good with that little stripdance into a hula girl costume. Has she had more… Professional training? Ahh, I kid y’all again, but it was damn hot.

Cons: Is probably completely insane. I mean, who does a stripdance, for the camerals, on national television, then sunbathes? ON AN ISLAND FULL OF MURDERERS? Girls got a screw loose. Not that I’m complaining.

Coming down to scoop the bronze is none other than Eloise Winterburn, who has the nicest D-Cups I’ve seen in a while, and has a very high class look. Trust me, I know how the upper classes look, and she is bang on that. I’ve gotta say, I love it.

Pros: BISEXUAL *Ahem* Sorry ‘bout that, but if you get her and No.2 in a room and take pictures, I would love you forever. Also, as with all the SDA students, More money than sense.
Cons: That scowl. I’m sorry, but a cute smile just makes a girl for me, and she just refuses to do it.

Second place goes to Amber Lyons. If you need to ask why, you are probably either a girl, or a gay guy. Or blind. She’s another pint sized pretty, her pert little body-

Sorry, slipped into Fanfic mode there. And… Yup, thats yet another FBI watchlist for me! Yaaaaaay!

Pros: BISEX- Oh, wait, I already did that gag, didn’t I? Shoot. I’m sorry, but that video is amazing.

Cons: … Um… No.


Finnaly, swooping in to take Pirate gold is Ms. Panya. Arguably this is predictable, but really? Can you blame me? This is the girl walking around in a furry costume! (Not a fan of Smokey myself, more of a Nekomimi fan personally, but I’ll take it where I can)

Cannot… Comprehend… Hotness…

Pros: Launcher of a thousand ships. With good reason.

Cons: Apart from being rather firmly in the “Out of my league” department, none.

Honourable mentions to… Just about every girl. Seriously.

So, let me know who your top 5 are (Guys and gals) in the comments!

Mad Max's Rest of The Crap

Yawn. After the first couple hours, this game is shaping up- just like the last few seasons, to be the who’s who of who cares.

So, in light of this game being full of losers and bigger losers, I’m taking it upon myself to sift through the hours of footage and provide you will my highlight reel of expert opinion.

Welcome, peeps, to Mad Max’s Rest of the Crap.

No insights/interviews/columns today, seeing as everyone's busy watching/writing right now, so you guys will just have to make do with Quickfire crap and the usual stuff I put at the end.

Quickfire Crap:

Best … awkward love triangle goes to Mae St. Clair the hoe, Shawn Morrison the hippie and Zachariah Johnson the Snake-Eater for their surprisingly good scene in the waterfall. Kitty no doubt has Mae stripping DVR’d.

RIP Snake, by the way. You were a true American hero. Goodnight, Sweet Prince.

Worst … way of stealing a bandanna ever, Marvia Jones. Also, ratings and lesbians or not, I may or may not have raged at the stupidity of Natalie Chauncey and Marvia there, so stop sending me your “OMG DID U SEE MARVIA/NATE” messages while drooling at your keyboard.

Seriously, I’m surprised at how quickly people have adjusted to the teams. Actually can’t wait to see how they all form together.

I’d love it if… Ben Grayson would actually use the bandannas to his advantage, rather than just randomly putting one on like a tard.

Please kill… Harold Smythe. There’s no way this guy isn’t going to hurt himself. Also Nate, for taking MDMA from strangers. It’s the nicest way.

No Highight/Darklight of the Night yet, since it’s the morning still. So we’ll have good old Best Start/Worst Start instead.

Best Start: Todd Hudson, for creating a whole bunch of racial arguments on the internet after pulling a Harlem Heat and calling someone the n-word.

Worst Start: Tie: Poor John Benson just can’t catch a break. A fitting punishment for hitting Team Brown’s Mom with a Nerf Gun. Nate Chauncey takes MDMA and gets date raped and robbed. That’s just bad.

Until next week, follow me on twitter at @MadMax3967, send hate mail to electricworry21@gmail.com, and be jealous.

Comrade_Snowball's Game Recap #1 Stray Observations

Stray Observations

Idiotic players weren’t the only thing I noticed. Take a look at some of the other things that’ve caught my attention!

- Marvia Jones and Natalie Chauncey – you knew I was bound to mention this scene; it’s one for the highlight reel. Sex scenes are always common, but sex on ecstasy? Marvia propelled her popularity into the stratosphere with that choice. She’s unleashed a torrent of fanfics, pairing her with everyone from Jared Clayton to Alicia White! I’m quite sure no one expected the ending to that. Natalie won’t die from not wearing a bandanna, but she’s definitely going to have some problems linking with her team, what with Marvia now impersonating her. Marvia, definitely a late-gamer and one to watch.

- As I’ve noted before, the weaker teams are clearly becoming visible. Black Team and Grey Team have had several early game bumps, and Green Team still has that mentor handicap to get over.

- Bobby Goldman and Axel Stadler have proven to be quite brilliant strategists, displaying a knack for creative thinking when it comes to scavenging for supplies and making due with what they have. I expect a real fight from them.

- Sidney Rice, Timothy Walker and Karen Ruiz have established themselves as early game players. Not sure what exactly Jonas Jeffries plan is, (his actions are a little too bizarre and I can’t peg him down as a villain or not) but it is fairly obvious from Sidney’s behaviour she was looking for a kill on Joshua Doyle. I didn’t expect Karen Ruiz to swing toward murder quite so fast, if at all. Definitely a bonus to the Purple Team, one I did not count on initially.

- Timothy Walker is proving to be an absolute joy to watch, and a natural on camera. So many students forget the cameras’ are there, but following him it seems like everything is one big joke, and the viewer is the only one in on it. Aside from him of course. Pure gold, that kid.

- I was pleased to see some students actually showing an appreciation for their costumes. Mae St. Clair in full Kimono was a sight for the ages, (as was her stripping shortly after) and Sidney and Panya Bishara look to have no intention of ditching their respective costumes.

- Alicia White has proven to be quite the spacey one, nearly getting her head blown off after forgetting to affix her bandanna. Really? Liability if I ever saw one.

- Some students have been noticeably absent so far. Lost in the jungle perhaps?

That’s all for now folks. Stay tuned to Survival of the Snarkiest for more coverage!

Comrade_Snowball's Game Recap #1 PART 1

From the start of this season, I knew there would be issues within the groups. I was apprehensive, thinking this Season would end up being a test run of sorts. I was worried the team dynamic simply wouldn’t WORK the first time around, result in a quick game as one overpowered team swept across the island, entertaining, but boring.


The entire situation brings to mind SotF TV: Season 14; the shortest game we’ve ever had clocking in at just under 18 hours. (The ultimate winner being Georgia “Hatchet” LaLourvey.) Like Season 65, Season 14 was a time of change, upheavals within the SotF organization, and rule changes in an attempt to liven things up. The low ratings of Season 14 killed nearly all attempts at innovation thereafter, and while we can’t tire of good ol’SotF, I sometimes can’t help but look back and wonder... What would have happened if the new rules had worked as planned? Would SotF: TV be the same great show we know and love, or would it be worse? Perhaps it might be something entirely new, refreshing and spectacular with its own distinct style? We’ll never know. If one good thing came out of Season 14, it was the new attitude displayed by the SotF Crew, hesitance to tweak with the pitch perfect formula. SotF: TV went back to modification and fine-tuning rather than flashy gimmicks, pleasing long time fans and bringing in many more. It was this behaviour that showed just how dedicated and hardworking the crew of SotF are. To them, it isn’t a job. They are artists, and they deeply care about their craft. I worried, but my fears were misplaced, SotF has heard my concerns, and put them to rest long ago. They waited 65 Seasons to implement teams, and it is anything but unbalanced. In fact, this season looks to be far more interesting then even I had expected!


The random starting location has been a staple of SotF for many seasons, and its back yet again. In a nice move from the producers, very few team-mates have been dropped together, no early game overpowered roaming death squads to be seen! While I initially assumed this meant “instant bloodbath” as opposing teams picked off enemies, the opening has been pretty slow to start. But hey, some games are just like that. This entire team dynamic has thrown off even the SotF lovers, it’s something completely new and it looks like everyone is a little hesitant to approach it right away. What I honestly wasn’t expecting was cross-team alliances, something quite a few players have suggested already, Peter Campbell for one. The topic has been popping up a lot within groups, and I can see why it’s an attractive idea. Double the number of attackers, you double your chances at succeeding. Not an assured spot in the finals, but it definitely has its advantages. I can see trouble with it down the road though, namely backstabbing and team-wipes, which are sure to occur if any teams get this plan off the ground. It won’t be a rousing success by any means, but it’ll be entertaining to watch for certain.


Now, I know the producers have assured us time and again that, like for every season, teams and weapons were rolled completely at random. However, every so often I see a coincidence that just makes me think “Yeah, sure. THAT wasn’t totally planned.” I’m talking about the selection of Jack Lemmon for “Loner Boy”, the team-less wonder who many predict to be going out before half. Jack certainly got the short stick, and I’m not saying his death isn’t still a certain thing, it is, don’t worry. But come on, look at him. The producers DO have a heart. He’s drawn a revolver to defend himself with, and he’s already found Holly Herchenroder, his girlfriend. His odds of survival are still minimal, but then again… Holly has grenades. And her running off with Jack, abandoning team-mate Harold Smythe, it looks like he DOES have an ally after all! Likewise, I’m going to chalk up the alliance between Mae St. Clair, Shawn Morrison and Zachariah Johnston as direct producer interference. These characters all have strong links to one another if the promo material is anything to go by. Too often potential plot arcs have been killed off with the death of an important player, and it looks like in recent seasons, the producers have been trying to find ways to stymie that, although not directly. Y’know, I’m going to say I appreciate that. Zach and Shawn are sure to have a confrontation over Mae before too long, which may not have been assured otherwise. That will definitely be one of this seasons most watched clips, I can assure you!

Gold Team Analysis by Ajax-Kun

Hello once more, readers! It’s the ever excitable Ajax-Kun here, trying to make up for my lack of quality with quantity!

So, what wonderful team am I going to be looking over? Well, I’m going to be looking at a golden opportunity for many exciting moments, and I’d like to give a gold star to whoever put this team together!

Yup, I’ll be taking a look at the Gold Team!

The Mentor;

The mentor for this team, is the “Gambler”, Drake Fortune. The few of you, who (Like me) decided to put a few bob down on the outcome of SOTF, that name might sound a little familiar. That’s because this guy pretty much made his livelihood off of a few lucky guesses, good judgement, and a healthy dose of charisma!

This guy even ran his own bookies at some point, so he obviously has decent organisational skills, which are going to be needed, given the rather… complex, shall we say, nature of the team..

On the upside, he is probably the only person on this team that isn’t going to be shipped to high hell! Unless someone decides that strip poker between the mentors is a great idea.

Crap, I just gave the fangirls ideas again, didn’t I?

In conclusion, he is, like so many other mentors, a joke. I cant see him actually helping, unless they let him be their eye in the sky. He’ll be too busy placing bets on the market to put his organisational skills to use, anyways.

The Team;

Mae St. Clair.

TL;DR: A Manipulative Ice queen, with a love for ballet, and not much else

Mae is, from what was written in the bio, a very cold, but very attractive person. Her dependence on her parents seems all consuming, and her ability to wrap people around her little finger (Read; manipulate) is almost omniscent! (Hey Sonya/Crawford, remind you of anyone?)

She has all the hallmarks of a smart player, and she is probably one of the fittest members of this round of SOTF so far. Her looks don’t do it for me, but judging by the Promo Material episode “Rescue Mission”, she does it for the vast majority of SDA.

Speaking of “Rescue Mission”, this girl is at the centre of what looks to be one of the most entertaining love triangles I’ve seen so far! This bodes even better for the girl, as she has two guys, who are likely to think with their dicks and get themselves killed for her. One of them isn’t even on the team!
I’m seeing a new face of Defrosting the Ice-Queen/Dom! Fics here, and definitely some Possession Sue fics. Hell, I wouldn’t rule the first two happening ingame, especially given her team-mates!

Expect to see her and her Katana in Endgame. The only question, is how much blood will she have on her hands by the end of it?

Todd Hudson.

TL;DR: A spoiled brat with stupid hair.

The first thing you notice when you see Mr. Hudson, is his ridiculous hairstyle. I mean seriously, if you extracted the petroleum in the gel from that, he could win by virtue of being able to essentialy coat the place in napalm!

He, as with many of the students of SDA, have probably never had to cook, let alone survive in the wild, so that tent might be of some help. To whoever kills him.

I expect to see him die in a horrible, horrible fashion, very, very early!

He is going to be in quite a few break the haughty fics, but there’s really no eye candy value to him, its all in the dickish personality.

Ali White.

TL;DR: Luna Lovegod, but an ex-ganger with a shotgun.

First of all, I gotta say that I love this girl! Seriously, she has got to be one of the most well picked students so far! She has a very airy, yet optimistic look on life, and manages to be an extrovert with what seems to be unlimited energy!

Her Otherkin-ish outlook on life is amazing, and I expect to see some fanworks of her with pointy ears and wings (And nothing else) very soon. If she can get some LSD (They /always/ put LSD in as a joke weapon), maybe she’ll try and jump off a cliff, screaming “I CAN FLY!” or something.

On second thoughts, keep that bitch away from the LSD, she’ll be a bigger bundle of fun without it. I’d prefer to see her snap and start blowing people away with a happy smile anyway.

Her body and style of dress aren’t major selling points here, but she’s not gonna be fanservicey, I just don’t see it in her.

Sorry piercing fetishists.

I can’t picture her in endgame, but she’ll be one of the few who are genuinely likely to snap and make a big bloody mess, so I’ll be keeping an eye on her Fae ass.

Shawn Morrison.

TL;DR: A Sexy hipster.

This guy is so awesome. Seriously, he rounds out the general level of crazy awesome that just runs through the group! He wears hippie clothes, smokes pot, and is just a really nice guy!

He is also, undeniably hot! I mean, he is Bang-able in the extreme! That might just be my love of retro guys, but hey, let me know what y’all think!

If I’m honest, his draw is sub-par, but even if he got a Razorwire Shotgun, he’d still be a crap player.

Why? I hear you ask. Well, he might be strong, but he is definitely not the kind of guy we see behind the gun. Even more so as veggie.

His desire to do the right thing (As shown, in an example that gives me hope for humanity, in “Rescue Mission”) will get him killed though, which sucks. I just hope he and his rescuee Mae provide us with some good fanservice along the way!

John Benson.

TL;DR: “One of us” with 1337 archery skillz

Traditionally they save the best ‘til last, but tonight gentleman, and (as paxRomana assures me) lesbians, something different!

We have, here, an anime fan (I think that’s just jap cartoons with tentacle rape, but IDK) who spends most of his time sitting on his lazy arse.

Grade A in his subjects

Grade A cannon fodder

The only thing that might come in handy here, is his knowledge of archery. Oh, wait, we didn’t get the bows out this time round? Too bad. Maybe he’ll hack someone up with that Axe. If he could lift it.

Don’t get too attached, this guy is dead within the first day.

Also, completely disregard what I said about Fortune being the least shippable bloke here. That title belongs to Johnny boy. He’ll take residence in R34 and not much else.

Overall.

This team is going to be a good watch, with fanservice, players and drama galore. Book your tickets now!