SickKitty Bitches About Teams

Right. So after the temporary delay in your regularly scheduled "me yelling at you all for being idiots" because of a broken laptop, a very small drug induced coma, and Max being a complete and utter asshole, I'm back! And I'm here to fill your lives with my wonderful bitching! Huzzah!

Let's talk about the fake teams, shall we? Several groups of wanna be survivors have grouped together despite the fact that they should be murdering each other. Among them is the mess that is Shawn Morrison and Ben Whatshisface.

After a while of Ben being completely stupid with his weapon (an entire bag of bandannas), he figured out how to use it to his advantage, and is now lying to Shawn and saying that they're on the same team. Shawn has no reason not to believe this, despite the fact that his mentor pretty much told him not to trust Ben. In fairness though, that mentor talks in the most complicated ways. Stupid, really. If Shawn was on Jarred's team, then Ben would be dead. However, this already fragile alliance got even more fragile after Shawn murdered Jaszmine Johnson with a snake.

Actually, that reminds me! The Most Amusing Kill Thusfar Award goes to Shawn for that display! Snake death. Who woulda thought?

What was I saying? Oh, yeah. Basically, if Shawn doesn't figure out by morning that Ben- who now has a gun- isn't on his team, then it's because Ben finally did something smart and murdered him.

Or because Shawn is a stoner and most of his braincells are really quite dead.

Moving on!

Up next is the weird mini-team of Jhamel Thomson, Jeanette Beunindia or however you spell it, April Stone, and Brenda Hernandez.

...Oh, and also that Eloise chick, but she doesn't really count because she's not very interesting.

Man, if these four (I'm sorry, five) weren't as terrible at this game as they are, they would almost be kind of fun to watch! I mean, between the group hug, getting a wrench thrown at them, Jeanette deciding to be a player and only telling April, Brenda being a really terrible Team Mom, Eloise wandering off to die, and brilliant product placement of Cliff Bars, there's something for everyone!

Except intelligent people, who would tell you that forming a supergroup based on two separate teams is stupid, especially when one of those teams (*coughBROWNcough*) has no good weapons, while the other has a gun, a wrench, and a knife between two people. Seriously, Jeanette, Jhamel, I get that you're trying to be nice, but get your shit together and start killing before I get my shit together and change the channel.

There's also the downright bizarre team of Marcus Walker and Anna Higgins. I don't even know where to begin on that one. Just...what? I mean, seriously, what. I really want Marcus to start killing people. If he gets rid of the annoying white girl first, well then...I wouldn't be complaining. Just saying.

Other than that, these team-ups have been pretty dreadful. I mean, it's not that they aren't amusing, it's just that so far really only Karen Ruiz has figured out that teams or not, it's kill or be killed. Why hasn't any full team joined up to start killing? That's what I would do. And hey, think of it this way, you're actually saving lives! More people on your team decide to kill, the more people on your team survive. It's win win!

Seriously folks, get your game on.

Right, well, I've got to go find a way to make Max let me back into our apartment. Until then, follow me on twitter @KittyMcHugh, and stay tuned! I promise more fake awards and wonderful drinking games will abound! Cheers!

Quickfire Recap (By Location!) by RNN [Part 6]

SKI RESORT:

In "Whatcha Gonna Do" the team of Renee Carlson, Timothy Walker, Kathy Clements and Peter Campbell, meet up with Terrilynn Boden. They search around and not much happens until Timothy Walker starts trying to feel up Kathy Clements. Kathy does not like that and pushes him away. Tim gets more than upset at this and snaps at her, pointing his gun at her after being denied. Renee and Lynn were seen walking down to see what the commotion is all about. There is action to come soon!

Star of the Scene: Timothy adds something to what would otherwise be a super friendly group. He brings about some danger and conflict that is always nice to see in the show. His snap after being denied put me on the edge of my seat. Can't wait to see what he does next!

FOREST:

Devonte Washington, Marcus Walker and Skye Thsani have a grand old time, until an accidental shot from Skye's crossbow causes a major conflict. Marcus is fueled in rage after Devonte is hit and chases after Skye.

In another part of the forest, the next day, Mason Ross becomes the first person to be face to face with Karen Ruiz and lives. She doesn't even attack him and she eeriely gives her reasons on why she killed. "The Teams are Fake." What if she's right?

Star of the Scene: Devonte Washington is quite the charming one, even as he bleeds he wants to go out all cool and not like some kind of chump. Sharp tongue on that boy.

Comrade_Snowball's Game Recap #1 The Idiot Box

The Idiot Box

SotF: TV has had a long running tradition of idiotic or cannon fodder players. I think it would be fitting to take a moment now, point out a few kids who aren’t just cutting it, for one reason or the other

- Bob Lazenby - Every season has them, the whiners who bundle up into a ball, sobbing away until a bullet puts them out of their misery. Bob has not had a strong start, and has proven utterly useless. (Another handicap for the Black Team...)

- Ben Grayson – Now I know what you’re thinking. Ben has been given an ideal weapon for the early stages, the ability to disguise himself as a member of any team he may choose. But his methods have been pitiful at best. Throwing on a bandanna at random, he’s been trudging around, approaching random players, even when the bandannas clearly show an opposing team. I’m surprised he hasn’t been killed yet. Bad luck for Pink Team, their strategic weapon, stuck with by far one of the dimmest bulbs we’ve seen yet on SotF: TV

- John Benson – John had a particularly good stroke of luck, running across Jhamel Thompson and Brenda early on. The potential for an alliance was there, but John quickly established himself as a stuck up jerk, hitting Brenda with her own weapon, showing a lack of respect for April Stone and antagonizing Jhamel, seeking a weapon trade. It’s come back to bite him in the ass, his behaviour has led to his exclusion from the potential alliance. Youch.

- Jonas Jeffries – I pegged this jitterbug as an entertainment source, and boy was I right. Almost immediately Jonas was up and about, surprising a group of SDA students with his MAC-10. Unfortunately for Jonas, not being one of the smartest, he didn’t bother to read the manual, and after being surprised by Vincent Sullivan he was off. The resulting gunfire was spectacular, but didn’t result in any kills. He’s as good as dead as soon as the others get their bearings.

- Todd Hudson – I can overlook Todd mistaking Marcus Walker’s Yellow Bandanna for a Gold one. A stupid decision, but understandable. But as soon as he opened his mouth, Todd secured the status as “Mr. Too Dumb to Live”. Really Todd? Nigga? To the pissed off black boy?

- Natalie Chauncey, taking candy from strangers. Jees. First she gets snuck up on and nearly shot, next, she's taking pills with some girl in the park? Brain dead much? I wonder if this girl has a death wish or something...

Yellow Team Analysis by paxRomana

Yellow Team - An Objective Analysis

Not going to waste your time with a long foreword, but I just want to preface this with something of a caveat. You've probably already wondered "Who the hell is this paxRomana person?", and thus realised, yeah, I'm new around these parts. But I saw this new blog starting up and I thought why the hell not, good clean slate for a newfag to start on. Anyway, I am this paxRomana person, and here's an analysis of the Yellow Team from the most impartial perspective I can manage.

The Mentor - HOWARDS, Wilson

Obligatory sponsorship circlejerk, this time it's Verizon showing off how fantastically non-existent their signal is on the island, which is somehow relevant to how good it's meant to be elsewhere? I don't know. He's your archetypical middle-aged executive, probably plays golf every weekend and has 2.4 children. Not sure how much use he'll be to the team, on one hand he's got the organisation and discipline skills from climbing the corporate ladder, but on the other, he probably never bothered to watch the show before now and may or may not have been shoved into it at the last minute. It'll be interesting to see how he handles it, really.

Player One - THSANI, Skyler "Skye"

Unpronounceable surname aside, this one's got promise. Looks fit and healthy, has the sex appeal down for fangirl purposes, but looks a bit on the vain side as well, so that might prove a problem early on before he gets over himself and gets his hands dirty. Looking at his grades, he seems pretty booksmart too, so combined with the physical advantages, I wouldn't be surprised to see Skyler become the de-facto leader of Team Happyface. On the other hand, stress and alcoholism look like pretty big thorns in his side, so if he can't link up with his team and rely on them for support, he might just screw up on the first day and never have a chance to use all that potential. Hopefully not, he could go all the way, given half the chance.

Weapon: Composite Crossbow. Not a great draw, but it could be worse (like Leo's dildo), and the ammo might be re-usable, so that's always a plus. Could let him down with the reload time, but for ease of use and quietness, it might prove surprisingly dangerous.

Player Two - JONES, Odile

From unpronounceable surname to entirely random forename, we have another promising contestant. Main advantages seem to rest on her figure, creeping people the fuck out makes for a good kind of psychological warfare, and the weird double-jointed thing's got to come in handy in a scuffle. Aside from that, she knows how to work a crowd and bear physical discomfort, so manipulation and pain-resisting opportunities abound. Only real downside is, of course, a scared kid's gonna see Spider-Woman here and probably freak out and open fire. Hard to say how she'll do, but most definitely one to watch, if only for weird theatricality.

Weapon: Roll of Duct-Tape. Could have it's uses, but dubious at best. Odile's going to need to pick up something better double-quick, or she's buggered in the long run.

Player Three - RICE, Sidney

One of the two SDA kids on the team, Sidney's looking like a major weak link. Small and unathletic, the latter because she's asthmatic, so we can put a big X in the physically overpowering anybody box. And if previous seasons are anything to go by, even if she can scheme her way to the endgame, there's never any talking your way past the finale. It's almost always a brawl. Then again, if she survives with the rest of her team intact too, there might just be hope. Speaking of teams, she seems like the cunning sort, and whilst that might sound great, she's also a major griefer, and probably won't play nice with the rest of Team Yellow, and if she does, falling in line behind any leader that isn't herself seems unlikely.

Weapon: Jericho .941. Very decent draw on this one, the kids with "standard" handguns always seem to go far. Just a matter of putting a bullet in someone with a bigger gun that isn't paying attention, and you're on your way to a small arsenal - a potential godsend for her worse-armed teammates.

Player Four - WALKER, Marcus

What can I say? He's tall and well built without being too bulky, he's got sleight of hand and attention to detail, and thanks to sports he's fit to boot. Normally I'd say major contender, but all of that just makes him a major target, too. While Skye is dangerous but doesn't look it, Marcus here's surname might as well be Fenix, for the air of "I'll fuck you up" he's going to exude in-game. Worse still? He's got anger management issues. Someone's going to point out all of the above, he'll snap and start a fight he won't win, calling it. Aside from this, looks like pretty standard dumb muscle for the team; not a great leader, but he doesn't need to be, and easily lead, which might come in handy as an example to Sidney if she acts up.

Weapon: Airzooka. While Odile's gaffa tape might have some non-combat applications, this just looks like distraction material, nothing more. Not that distractions haven't come in handy in the past, and a good bait-and-switch plan could catch the overconfident ones out.

Player Five - LANGSTON, Jacob

The second SDA kid on the team, Jacob's quite the opposite of his peer. He's tall and lean, fit from swimming and has that wonderful unthreatening look to him, which is almost guaranteed to have a use at some point. Good contestant for fangirl-favourite against Skyler, too, what with the grungy "I don't give a fuck" look and the blond-hair-blue-eyes thing he has going on. Mind-wise, he might run into some problems with the haemophobia, not to mention the implied pacifism, but if he snaps he could be at least a decent dark-horse player. Might have problems if he gets an infection, too, but most players that get injured that badly end up dead for other reasons anyway.

Weapon: Sig Sauer P226. Another good pistol for the team, and apparently in good hands, if knowing one's way around a rifle translates well to other firearms. Same conclusions as with Sidney, really.

Overall Conclusion:
Strong team, two really good weapons, one potentially-amazing but otherwise decent one, and two not particularly great. Only one weak link amongst the students themselves, but not cripplingly so. Mentor's a bit of a wild card, probably won't be nearly as good as some of the others (read, Jared/Marvin/That Soldier), but might turn out okay.
Definitely worth watching, one of the more likely teams to not only go far, but go far with all five of them intact. An endgame with this lot would be a treat.